Finally done it - 4 months on

[Depression = 72% of members]

After 9 years and a whole lot of crazy I've finally managed to end the relationship.

He's moved back to his homestate and I'm in my home and getting on with life.

The last 12 months got too crazy and I finally found out he'd been doing ice on top of a lot of serequel and dope - toxic, toxic, toxic... .

The result was a crazy rant that saw him admitted, then promptly discharged himself and threatened to kill himself and me. His psych then got a compulsory order and he was locked up for 24 hours - none of which he actually remembers.

It was the absolute final straw for me. Running from a man who is meant to protect you is no fun at all and I have never felt so terrified in all my life.

So now to pick up the pieces and move on.

The hardest bit at the moment is accepting my role in things. The enabler - how not to do that again.

He's doing very well by all accounts and his new psych says he never had BPD - just major drug issues which is doing my head in. Maybe he's right but it makes a mockery of what I thought I was dealing with vrs the reality. I just have to hold on to the reality that was mine and not worry about others questioning that - but easier said than done.

Anyway, I am moving on with the help of some wonderful friends and a special man that has walked into my life like a bit of an angel. I'm not sure that I'm ready for anything and have to be very careful with his heart but it's all ok for now - Day by day is my new motto.

And unlike the last 2 times I left, this time I feel nothing other than pure relief. The real world is back!

[VU]

After 9 years and a whole lot of crazy I've finally managed to end the relationship.

He's moved back to his homestate and I'm in my home and getting on with life.

The last 12 months got too crazy and I finally found out he'd been doing ice on top of a lot of serequel and dope - toxic, toxic, toxic... .

The result was a crazy rant that saw him admitted, then promptly discharged himself and threatened to kill himself and me. His psych then got a compulsory order and he was locked up for 24 hours - none of which he actually remembers.

It was the absolute final straw for me. Running from a man who is meant to protect you is no fun at all and I have never felt so terrified in all my life.

So now to pick up the pieces and move on.

The hardest bit at the moment is accepting my role in things. The enabler - how not to do that again.

He's doing very well by all accounts and his new psych says he never had BPD - just major drug issues which is doing my head in. Maybe he's right but it makes a mockery of what I thought I was dealing with vrs the reality. I just have to hold on to the reality that was mine and not worry about others questioning that - but easier said than done.

Anyway, I am moving on with the help of some wonderful friends and a special man that has walked into my life like a bit of an angel. I'm not sure that I'm ready for anything and have to be very careful with his heart but it's all ok for now - Day by day is my new motto.

And unlike the last 2 times I left, this time I feel nothing other than pure relief. The real world is back!

[Aussie0zborn]

Glad to hear you're enjoying the real world again.  Stay strong, take your time with the new guy and maintain NC. You deserve it.

[Want2know]

Glad to hear you have some relief and peace now. 

He's doing very well by all accounts and his new psych says he never had BPD - just major drug issues which is doing my head in. Maybe he's right but it makes a mockery of what I thought I was dealing with vrs the reality. I just have to hold on to the reality that was mine and not worry about others questioning that - but easier said than done.

It can be hard to diagnose BPD if there is excessive substance abuse.  There is a lot of information regarding co-morbidity in this area.  You can check out this link for more info: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58157.msg600708#msg600708

Anyway, I am moving on with the help of some wonderful friends and a special man that has walked into my life like a bit of an angel. I'm not sure that I'm ready for anything and have to be very careful with his heart but it's all ok for now - Day by day is my new motto.

Day by day, for sure! 

It's good that you recognize getting into another relationship so soon may not be the best way to process what you've gone through, and that you realize that you had a role in the dysfunction.  If you want to explore these aspects more, we have two boards in the Building a New Life area where members discuss these topics.  Something you can access after a few more posts here on our Detaching board.

If you take a look to the right of the screen, you will see the 5 stages to detachment... . where do you feel you are right now, as far as stages?  What is your biggest obstacle that you'd like to overcome?