It seems like a distant memory... another life... I feel lucky to have escaped

[mini_vanilli]

It seems like a distant memory... . another life... . I feel lucky to have escaped.

I had an absolutely horrible experience with aBPD woman. She was gorgeous,charming, intelligent... . ripped me in two. Since meeting her and leaving Ive lost friends, money, and my job.

8 months later and after ZERO contact, even after a recycle attempt... . I am with a new amazing beautiful incredibly smart woman... and the best part. absolutely ZERO, not a drop of drama or fighting or manipulation in 8 months. she even brought it up to me yesterday how easy it all felt. until now Ive had a mix of on again off again drama women in my life. I used to think THAT ment love, THAT ment passion... . it DOESNT... . its a lie. a lie we tell ourselves and a lie we let them tell us.

if you care about yourselves at ALL walk away... . never look back... . it hurt, hurt like hell, worst thing ive ever gone through... . but there us life on the other side

bless you all

[AwakenedOne]

Similar here, 7 months out with NC... . lost my job, money and much more.

I lost having grief every day and being told how bad I am... . I  didn't mind those losses.

Countdown to divorce -> 5 months

Glad your doing ok and good luck with your new relationship.

[Madison66]

That's awesome, mini_vanilli!

I'm 110 days out of my 3 year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  I've also been n/c for 100 days other than a couple stupid attempts by the ex gf to break it.  I haven't caved.  I'm now 110 days in to a new r/s with myself.  Lots of emotions and lots of healing.  My life motto is to be true to myself and true to others.  I now know that I couldn't do that in the abusive r/s I allowed myself to participate in.  I am in control of me.  I am now living, loving, laughing and growing.  

I had a T session today to regroup a little and deal with some emotions and fears I've been having as I'm starting a new r/s with a fantastic non PD lady.  A couple of the gifts I've discovered from the pain and struggle of my previous r/s is a keen self awareness and a sense to live in the present.  In the past, I would have remained unaware or run away from my emotions and fears.  I might have ignored my feelings as I was entering a r/s and made more critical mistakes.  I won't do any of that now or in the future.  

My new life is devoid of drama, chaos, craziness and abuse.  The new r/s I'm in reflects this.  There is give and take, open communication, sharing of feelings, empathy, compassion, caring and trust.  I can be my true self and even be flawed and human.  All the drama, chaos, craziness and abuse feels like a memory of a memory.  It still comes up and when it does, I stay real with the feeling and face it.  The energy of it that used to cause me much rumination has faded.

Like you, life is good and I feel so fortunate to have faced my fears and left the abusive r/s I allowed myself to participate in for too long.  The ripple effects of that decision will live with me and others for years to come... .

[Aussie0zborn]

Good to hear you've made it through to the other side.

How refreshing is it to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't create dramas, rage at the smallest thing, doesn't lie, is easy to be with and doesn't play games or manipulate?

I'm still marvelling at the difference.

[bossanover]

How refreshing is it to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't create dramas, rage at the smallest thing, doesn't lie, is easy to be with and doesn't play games or manipulate?

I've noticed this too, but just through being around friends, not necessarily dating or being in an intimate relationship.

Friends I may have ignored or taken for granted a bit while going through a BPD hurricane- being around them now that it's all over feels so good. You realise there are people who you can rely on no matter what and you get that funny "true friendship" feeling in your stomach that snaps you out of the moment, and for a second or two you're so aware that this person is for real!

[Reforming]

Congratulations and the best of luck with your new relationship. Well done for coming out the other side

[DiamondSW]

I'm so pleased for you... .

On 6mths NC myself with my BPDexgf... . and yes, that relationship 'cost' me a lot -job, emotional stability and health in my case.

But, me too, 6mths on, have just met a healthy woman... . who works hard, has self pride, is grateful and fun to be around... . so there is hope in the future.

One thing I have noticed -2 nights ago we curled up on her bed and she put an arms around me and it was really close and warm... . dare I say loving?  But there was a moment where she raised her arm as she was uncomfortable and held it near my face -and I flinched big

time.  It was as if I expected to be hit for no reason... .   she picked up on it, we both did. 

I guess these relationships never truly leave us... .

it is a distant ish memory, however she's stilll there... .

[LA4610]

great post……great job