Help from 3rd party when notifying of divorce?

[nevaeh]

Has anyone else who has struggled with telling their pwBPD they are divorcing engaged the help of a therapist or counselor to sit in the room while the pwBPD is told?

I'm wondering if this would be helpful at all in staying focused, not getting sucked in to the emotional fallout, etc.

Thoughts?

[seeking balance]

Has anyone else who has struggled with telling their pwBPD they are divorcing engaged the help of a therapist or counselor to sit in the room while the pwBPD is told?

This is wise, but make sure you already have the plan in place for when you leave.

If you have not read Splitting By Bill Eddy - please do yourself a favor and read before walking down this road so you can avoid man mistakes that can be made.

[Landslide2014]

Yes, nevaeh. What I did was called my H therapist. It was an awkward and uncomfortable call because I did not know how the T would receive it. He was very receptive. I think my uBPDH thought it was going to be a marriage counseling session.  I stressed myself out for the entire week until the appointment. Then I was clear.  "I am finished with this marriage and need to move on".  The conversation seemed to switch to a typical "marriage counseling" session and when I left I was a bit uncertain in whether my message was heard. Nonetheless, I did feel better and the T, who I really respect, requested a one on one with me.  I agreed. 3 days later, I went and he basically validated my choices and agreed to do whatever he could to help my H. Because I was not sure that my message was heard by my h (never sure how he processes anything) I said to him, during what I thought was a good time, " I'm not really sure my intention was clear... .  " And then I reiterated. His response "oh you were crystal f*#+ing clear... .  " And it escalated from there.  For the last 2 weeks he has been pulling all the stops... .  Reaching out to family members, going to church, playing super dad, sending me love texts and inspirational quotes, avoiding my urging to see a mediator (all intertwined with violation tactics, threats, blame, avoidance... ) Etc. It is really beginning to get to me because I just want to Move on. Needless to say I'm definitely happy that I made the choice to see a third-party and that my H agreed even if he thought it was for repairing the marriage. Somehow sharing it in the presence of a qualified professional has made me feel less crazy and also helped me to feel validated and safe. It was helpful to have someone "mediate" and direct when the conversation took a wrong turn. I just wish that would've been the end point to a new beginning, but I think it was only the beginning to a long overdue end. But I guess this is the nature of the beast.

[nevaeh]

Thanks Landslide.  That's what I've been kind of wondering about.  I know in my heart that I need to move on and H even says he thinks I've already made up my mind but I seem to be having difficulty just saying the words "I'm done".

I hadn't thought about talking to his counselor though so I need to put some thought into that.

Thanks for the suggestion/input!