Hi to everyone- adult child of BPD/NPD mom

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone!  I'm a 27 year old who's recently gone no contact with my mom.  It took a couple years of therapy, attempts at setting reasonable boundaries that just made everything worse, and unconditional support from an amazing spouse to get to that point.  What I wish I had known is that I wouldn't just choose once to go no contact- I have to keep choosing it over and over and over again; it's getting really grating.  Just looking for reassurance that I'm not the screwy one in the relationship, and reading other people's stories here is really helpful. 

[gettingstronger19]

Hi everyone!  I'm a 27 year old who's recently gone no contact with my mom.  It took a couple years of therapy, attempts at setting reasonable boundaries that just made everything worse, and unconditional support from an amazing spouse to get to that point.  What I wish I had known is that I wouldn't just choose once to go no contact- I have to keep choosing it over and over and over again; it's getting really grating.  Just looking for reassurance that I'm not the screwy one in the relationship, and reading other people's stories here is really helpful. 

[scallops]

Dear gettingstronger19

I want to welcome you to this site and tell how sorry I am you are struggling with your Mom right now. I am sure your story is very long and something that you have had to deal with since very young. That can take a real toll on you and I am glad your realize you need a break for her and you are looking after yourself. Can I ask if you are still therapy? It is good to have support and this site really had helped me a lot with my dd16. I think it is very common to have to go no contact over and over again... . it must be painful for all involved. I want to encourage you to read the articles here... . I really feel the more we know the better equip we are to deal with pwBPD. I really found that I had to change a lot of what I was doing... . I really can only control myself so I do think that is a good place to start.

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

I thik right now you need some time to heal and having some distance can help with that... . please keep posting... . I am interested to know what your main challenges are with your mom? 

[gettingstronger19]

Thanks for the welcome, and thanks for moving this thread.  Figuring out new board etiquette is always tricky; I appreciate gentle correction instead of getting internet yelled at. :-) 

I'm working through some of the lessons in the sidebar- really great topics.  Thanks again1

[AsianSon]

Hi gettingstronger19!

You are definitely not alone!  I too have a mother with uBPD (and I have strong suspicions that she has uNPD traits mixed in as well). 

So take heart in knowing that you are not screwy and that others understand and have similar experiences. 

You are stronger than you know.  I hope you will continue to feel comfortable sharing.