They turn 18 and fall into an abyss - We need help

[Cushy]

I need some help and advice.  My BPD dd18 is in an adult partial hospitalization program right now.  She was doing well, but had surgery and mono all within the past month and these things took their toll on her health.  She began having bad thoughts and I found out she was purging after meals.

She’s been there since last Thursday.  It’s a day program from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.  I thought it was perfect because she would still be home at night with us.  She was placed in with a group of adults and she is having trouble relating to these adults because they are all much older.  One man is in his 70s.  She says they talk about their marital problems, divorce issues, etc. and this is not helping her with her problems.  She asked the social worker today if she could be put into the adolescent program but they will not allow it because she is 18.  My daughter was told that if she was still in high school they could allow her to switch to the adolescent program but since she graduated she cannot.  She explained to the social worker that she is not being helped but actually feeling anxiety in this group of older people and was advised that since she feels she is not getting the help she needs that they would discharge her tomorrow. 

She is upset and so am I.  I called and left a voicemail stating that we were not satisfied and felt her needs were not being addressed.  How could they discharge her without another thought to her needs?

When a person turns 18, do they just fall into an abyss?  I have always handled my daughter’s health needs.  I am the one who makes appointments, speaks to doctors, etc.  She turned 18 and no one will speak to me.  They have no problem speaking to me about payment or taking my medical coverage.  My daughter is really still a child and is at a loss as to how to speak to social workers, doctors, etc. to voice her concerns about her health.  She does not want to leave this place, but wants to be in a group with younger people.

Has anyone else had these problems?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

Cushy,

  I am sorry that you are experiencing this.  How awful! I can sympathize with your frustration!  I would hope that this place would at least refer you to another place that would be more fitting for your dd.

I have no words of wisdom.  I hope someone can steer you in where else to find help for your situation.

Have you contacted your local mental health commission?

[femom]

I am so sorry you are going through this and I have experienced a very similar situation.  First, you should ask your daughter to sign releases with all of her doctors, social workers, etc so that they are able to speak directly with you.  My daughter was in a partial program last year that consisted of a very mixed population and she too felt a great deal of anxiety from the group.

I would suggest to your daughter that she try to stay in the program, if they will keep her, until you can find something else more appropriate.  I have discovered that there are very few services for young adults and it is very frustrating especially since this is the age when so many disorders begin to appear.

Depending on where you live, I would suggest looking to see if any hospitals offer a program geared towards college age young adults.  It seems that these programs exist in cities (Boston, New York) through local hospitals.

I hope this helps you start out in the right direction.

[Cushy]

Thank you for responding. I will contact some hospitals because I do live in an area you mentioned, Femom.  The hospital thing is new to me so I have a lot to learn. My daughter did sign a release for the place she's in so I do not understand why the social worker didn't call me back.  I hope to talk to her tomorrow but would love to sound more intelligent about our rights when I do. This is very frustrating!

[jellibeans]

Dear cushy

I had the same problem with my older nonBPDD... she had health issues and I made sure everyone of her doctors had a signed release from her saying they could talk to me... . it is easy to do and they should have the paperwork for you to sign... . good luck...

[Being Mindful]

Dear cushy, What you are experiencing at her age is typical. It is true that if she was 18 and still in high school she would be considered to fall into adolescent groups. The transition at this age is very difficult because they are not adults. The only thing I'd caution you on is that my d. would find any therapy group to be a source of anxiety. Whether it was kids her own age or older, or kids with drug problems or not, or too young, mostly married, mostly single. You name it the group was always triggering for her. We had to recognize that she would find any excuse to avoid the work and blame anxiety for the failure and that the place of treatment wasn't listening or providing what she needed. It was best for her that we remain true to the reality... . group therapy can be anxiety inducing and you still need to be here to work through that. You do not need to have everything in common with groups of people to have therapy work. Some common ground is good, but it does not need to be a perfect setting of all like people. Hope that helps.