my sister with BPD is wreaking havoc in my life

[sailor girl]

Thank you for this wonderful site.  I am suffering greatly because my sister has made me her main target person for the last 15 years.  she was extremely jealous of me when we were children. the big problem is that she has befriended my other 3 siblings and now they are all against me.

I have been advised to stop all contact with my 4 siblings. they all are so cruel to me.

What I really need are real people in this group to talk to and meet with.  

I would drive an hour just to get the support I need.

Or anyone can call me.

Help Me!

sailor girl

[Stella1425]

I am the mother of an adult BPD. I am her target and although that's different from a sibling, it is similar too. From some reading I have done j am reminded that pwBPD will put feelings and then facts out there. Probably your pwBPD is doing that with your siblings and thus they appear against you. I hope you don't have to feel so alone. I am new to this group and hang out on the parents of BPD children site. It has been helpful to read what others have gone through and to be hopeful that as my anger and hurt lessen I will learn validation and SET methods of dealing with my D. Keep reading and join the board you're most comfortable with. Hang in there.

[maxen]

hi sailor girl and 

you are truly in a horrifying situation. if you want people to talk to you've come to the right place. we have a wealth of resources and an active and supportive community of posters who are ready to listen and to help. believe me, we're real people too. there are posters here who will understand exactly your experience.

when a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including siblings. senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. the materials on the right hand side of that page may help clarify your thinking.

do you have a therapist or any friends you can discuss with? please keep posting sailor girl!

[peaceplease]

sailorgirl,

  I would like to join maxen and Stella in welcoming you to bpdfamily.  maxen is right in that we are real people and posters are a great support here.  I discovered this site five years ago.  This site along  with my own personal therapy, and reading all that I can about BPD have kept my sanity.

I am sorry about your siblings.  Has your sister been closest to you?  It seems that pwBPD attack those closest to them.  I am my daughter's target a lot because she knows that I will always love her unconditionally.  Also, my husband(her stepdad) is another target. 

I hope you will come back and post some more.  We are here for you.

peaceplease

[SistersKeeper]

Hi sailor girl,

I am sorry for your suffering.  I have a similar situation.  My older sister is BPD (undiagnosed) and it is causing tremendous agony in every interaction I (or anyone in my family) has to have with her.  I wish I lived closer to you, but I am on the east coast.  Right now, our family is facing a crisis, as my father is battling late-stage cancer, and it is causing a lot of strife.  My sister too has always been jealous and hateful toward me.  Rarely does she ever say anything kind to me unless it is a manipulation of some sort.  Is there any way you can at least distance yourself from your siblings and family, even if you can't completely cut off all contact?

SistersKeeper

[Deb]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. When I went NC with my dBPD sister, she tried to turn all of my friends against me. Some bought into her lies. I was so hurt. And angry. I was angry with her for doing that and angry with them for believing her lies. I remember telling one friend how angry I was and she said to not focus on that. She wanted me to focus on living my life. Basically told me to hold my head up and keep going. I eventually came to see that for me, her words were right. I was still hurt and angry, but I worked on that. I used the tools I learned in my 12 step groups, I used counselors. And I found online support groups. There wasn't much back then, but I found some help. One person described my sister's behavior as that of someone who was an alcoholic. And that is true. So I used some of the alanon stuff.

One thing I did was grieve. I grieved the relationship that I thought I had. I grieved the relationship I never had. I cried. I would get angry and go split wood or go for a walk. Eventually, I got to a point where I could work on me. The friends who believed her? Only one is still her friend. Sort of. But they really aren't my friends either because I can't trust them fully. I do have trust issues still but I am working on the. And part of that, ius learning who to trust in the first place.

[clljhns]

Hi sailor girl,

I am so sorry for what you are going through! I found this site only a few weeks ago and am glad I did! This gives me a forum to ask questions, share stories, and get great advice in my healing process.

I can relate to the situation with your siblings. I still find it hard to believe that I have NC with any of my family members, and sometimes am embarrassed to admit this. My mom is unBPD, and dad is unNPD. My oldest sister and sister who is two years older than me are both unBPD. My brother I suspect is NPD. I have had the least contact with my brother in the past twenty years. He doesn't want direct contact with me, but did send a request to me on FB. I was so excited at the prospect of us reconnecting! I accepted his request and sent a message. No reply to message. He was one of my FB friends for several years with no contact, even if I sent personal messages. I finally realized that he just wanted a window into my life, but didn't want to be a real part of it.

I have attempted contact with both sisters, and this did not go well. My oldest sister wants to convince me how great our parents are (she is the only child still in contact with them) and then she wants to tell me how terrible I am for the awful things I said about our parents. My other sister just wanted me to follow her lead, and when I didn't want to make drastic changes to my life or beliefs, she sent me a scathing email telling my how I let other control me.

I have not found a way in which I can have contact with any of them without feeling as if I have been attacked emotionally. So, for now, I am protecting myself through NC. I also need to tell you that I went into counseling for more than a year to address these issues and childhood abuse. It helped tremendously in keeping me focused on positive goals for myself. I found that the more I focused on what I wanted for myself, the less important their absence became.

Don't get me wrong. I still have those times when I grieve and get angry about the situation. I allow myself to cry when I need to and to yell when I need to (in the privacy of my home, so as not to affect others). I also have a dear friend that I share everything with, and she is great comfort to me.

I do hope that you will consider therapy, if you aren't already with a therapist. I also would encourage you to continue to post here. You will find, as I did, many compassionate people who really care and can relate to what you are going through!

Peace and blessings to you!

[Dogwoody]

Sailorgirl  Hello,

Welcome to this site. I discovered it a few months ago. It's full of helpful and down-to-earth information.

You are not alone here. There are many of us with BPD siblings, for example.

My sister has diagnosed BPD. I have had to go NC with her except for birthday and Christmas.

Hang in there! This BPD is really tough going, just amazingly so.

Sailorgirl, we may not be in the exact same boat, but we are in similar boats!