Please prepare me... tell me about hospitalizations

[cab0ad]

Things continue to get worse in my family.  For a history you can see the thread, "parenting a bp son and need a friend".  Today I get another phone call from the principal telling me my son's OSS has been extended from 10 days to the rest of the year. they searched his locker and found journals with very disturbing things in them.  I have not yet picked them up but she told me of threats and suicide idealization in it.  I will be taking it to the psych tomorrow and I fully anticipate he will be recommended to a hospital setting.  I need to prepare myself for this.  Can someone please tell me what this will look like?  What will happen?  How long will it be?  will I be able to visit him? 

Has anyone been through this?  Please, any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.  I am feeling pretty low right now. I don't know how I will be paying for this stay.  I don't know what to tell my daughter about why her brother will seemingly disappear.  I don't know how to look my son in the face and leave him there. But I know it is coming.  I know it is probably necessary.   

What will happen in the hospital?  will they try to diagnose him further?  play around with medicines?  or just moniter him?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear cab0ad

My daughter was in a RTC last year for two months... . she was referred there after many months of self destructive behavior. She overdosed 7 times and finally we agreed she was not safe at home and she was placed in a rtc... . If your son has not had any hospitalizations I doubt he will be referred to such a place so soon but if he is suicidal he might be admitted to a P hospital for evaluation and this is a good thing... . not something to be scared of... . your son needs help and if in crisis he needs a place where they can evaluate him and change meds and come up with a treatment plan for him.

I know this is a scarry time but really he needs help so don't show him you are worried about the process. A lot will depend on your insurance as to how much it will cost. You should call you insurance company and ask for clarification on what is covered under your plan.

Your school is doing what they think is best for the school but I am not sure that is what is best for your son. You have options and I know the school is trying to protect theother students but they also need to take into account what is going to help your son. Remember they are responsible for educating your son... . simply dumping him in some behavioral classroom far from his friends and school might not be what is best for him. Be his advocate!

I am glad you are seeing the P tomorrow and you have the journals to look at... . that should give him some insight into what your son is going through. I rally don't think they will place him in a hospital setting if he is not a danger to himself... . they might be a day program available where he can get counseling. There are many options but it will depand on your son and his actions. My dd16 has been in the hospital setting many times... . usually just a week to 10 days but when she was really bad it was for 2 months but some RTC are for much longer... . 9 to 12 months.

Try not to get ahead of yourself... . how is your son doing at the new school? Is he coping well? Is he acting differently? we are here for you cab0ad... . don't stress... . I know you are worried but this really might be the best thing for your son... . he needs help and seems to be in a lot of pain... . hang on

[femom]

I am so sorry and this is traumatic for the whole family but, this may set your son on a path toward feeling better.  The night I left my daughter at the hospital was terrible for me, but I held back my tears until I had left and then cried harder than I ever had before.  Some pediatric psychiatric hospitals have schools that children can attend during their stay depending on their length of stay.  If not, look into having your school district send a teacher to the hospital as they would have sent a teacher to your home during a suspension.

They will take good care of your son - it is what they do.  Hopefully you will be assigned a social worker who you can contact when you have questions.  I was able to visit my daughter during visiting hours but she was not allowed to leave as she was on a locked floor.

You know your son is hurting inside and you could try explaining to you daughter that the doctors in the hospital are not punishing him but are looking for a way to make him feel better.  If he has been causing chaos in your home, she might even feel a little relieved as my son did when his sister went away.

It is going to be hard but you can do it!

[peaceplease]

cabOad,

You have received some great responses here from mom's who have been through it.  I can tell you, that I wish my adult daughter was in treatment when she was a teen.  I did not know much about BPD then.  Catching his illness while he is still young leaves a better chance for recovery. 

I believe that there is  usually a step therapy and would not admit your ds to a hospital, as a first line of treatment.(for most insurances)  But, I am not certain.  I guess it depends on the severity of the situation.  I speculate that they may try partial hospitalizaton, first.

Please do not see all of this as a negative.  Your son is on his way to getting treatment. 


peaceplease

[ABelle]

Do you know if you are planning for a short or long term stay?

[BioAdoptMom3]

Our DD14 was in a crisis stabilization hospital (short term stay) 5 times in less than a year, last year.  She was admitted 4 times for suicidal ideation and once for bulimia.  Each stay was 3-5 days.  We were able to visit each day for one hour.  We also had an hour of family therapy daily.  She got school there as well as 2 or 3 group sessions daily, and individual time with the psychiatrist and therapist.  They had time set aside for chores, recreation and hygiene as well as phone calls.  When severe depression struck again about a month ago she was admitted to a residential treatment center.  It was one of the most difficult things DH and I have ever had to do, but it ended up being the best decision we ever made for her because it is where we finally got a diagnosis of bipolar, which seems to fit.  She has responded very well to the BP medications.  The doctor is one of the best in the state!  I tell you this so you will know that IF your son needs this type of treatment, it can be incredibly helpful in the long run!  We are allowed to visit four hours per week (on weekend afternoons) and have an hour of family therapy each Friday with a visit afterwards. An RN is on staff 24 hours as well as a therapist in addition to the mental health techs.  They do have school which they tailor to the needs of the individual students.  They have other requirements listed above (recreation, etc.)  Keep in mind that your son may not need to be admitted.  Call the doctor and see what he or she says about what was found.  Many times our DD did things like that and the school would call, but her doctor did not admit her.  This time, I am GLAD they did!  Good luck tomorrow and  !

[cab0ad]

Thank you all for the support. We picked up the journals from school this morning and it broke my heart to read through pages of what he has written.  several pages where he just says how worthless he is and how he hates his life.  He is so miserable.  He claimed that his we, his parents, don't love him which breaks my heart.  He told a few kids he tried to kill himself by swallowing bleach but it didn't work.  I have no idea if that is true or invented to get attention. Either way it is not a good sign. There was one page where he said that the boy dating the girl he likes would pay.  that really scares me.  I have NEVER seen my son in a light where I would think he would be a danger to others.  I cannot imagine him hurting someone.  but I never imagined him punching someone either and that happened.  I'm having to rethink who my son is in reality and that scares me a lot.  I certainly hope he is not capable of hurting others.  this is my biggest fear. 

17 pages in all.  17 times he talked about how much he was in pain.  17 times when he thought his life was worthless.  1 time about how the boy dating his crush would pay.

I'm guessing when the psych sees these that hospitalization is going to be a reality. I tried to prepare my son yesterday with the news and he was obviously so scared and depressed about it.  This morning he crawled up like a baby in my arms and tried so hard to be brave but I could see the tears welling up in his eyes.  I told him that he was in the laternative school for the rest of the year.  He took it hard. I have a feeling that this psych appt. will be the hardest few hours of my entire life.  I dn't want to talk about a lot of these things.  I know my son doesn't.  but it is necessary. If you are relieious people please say a prayer for me and my family.  we could use them right now.

[jellibeans]

Dear cab0ad

I would caution you against telling your son too much... I think that could create worry and anxiety in your son. I feel it is better for the P to explain and present what is going to happen. Right now you really have no idea what will be recommending so you could be worrying your son unnecessarily. Hang in there... . we say here often... . we are not in a sprint... . we are running a marathon here. Your son needs time... . there are no quick answers. I am glad he is getting help now and that is a positive step forward.

[ABelle]

Sending positive vibes your way! My d16 has had two short term admissions, and while they are nerve-wracking and initially terrifying, it really helped me to feel supported.  There were ups and downs for these stays, but I think we have moved along a lot because of them. 

I'm sorry to hear how tough it has been for you, but I hope your next few days go as smoothly as possible. Keep us in the loop!

[cab0ad]

He was hospitalized.  I feel numb.  I tried my best to prepare myself but I don't think anything can prepare you for the look of anxiety and fear in the eyes of your child as you leave them in a mental health hospital.  I feel like I have abandoned him.  I'm sure he feels I have abandoned him.  I have never experienced this before in my life. Psych said he was either bipolor or BPD... . said he didn't know which and it could be either.  he wants to start him on depakote.  anyone have any experience with depakote?

[jellibeans]

Dear cab0ad

althought this is a scary time for all it also a very good time for your s... . getting help and Dx is the first step to getting better. I beleive depakote is use for bipolar. It is good that your son is in a supervised setting where they can keep a close eye on him. What kind of facility is he in? That they tell you how long of a stay he would have? Did they feel he was unsafe at home? Keep posting... . we are here for you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[femom]

Yes, leaving your child in a psychiatric hospital is such a hard thing to do but the fact that he is hospitalized means that the doctors feel he needs to be there.  I so understand your feeling of being helpless but your son can now be treated by the people who can help him.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

[BioAdoptMom3]

I am so sorry you are going through this!  I have been there 6 times with DD14, in 13 months so I know how you feel!  Try to keep in mind that he is where he needs to be and getting the treatment he needs.  I thought our DD was BPD traits as well but they have her on Lithium (another bipolar drug) and it is working, so we are pretty sure they are right.  Both conditions have similar symptoms.  While he is there try to relax and do something you enjoy!  It is your chance to have a little respite and it will make you a better mom when he is discharged!   

[cab0ad]

I asked dr if it was bipolar or borderline and he said he didn't know. Will mood stabilizers help both of them? Hospital is halving his Zoloft to 100 mg and adding Wellbutrin.

[jellibeans]

My dd is on a mood stablizier for BPD... . I do think they help both. It is my understanding the meds really don't help the pwBPD... . meds can help the pwbipolar... . I think it is good they are making the med change and he is supervised. We have gone through a lot of med changes with my dd16 and it was not pretty and she was not hospitalized at the time but soon after... . hang in there... . be hopeful and positive... . your son is getting the help he needs... . Stay in the moment and deal with what is going on right now... . don't jump ahead and worry about his future... . he has a long life and this is just a small snapshot... .

[theplotthickens]

I understand your aprehension; my daughter has been hospitalized four times and completed a longer term treatment. 

I see the hospital as the only safe place to do big medication changes; especially for kids with bipolar.  If your child has bipolar, why is he on Zoloft?  I would ask them if it is possible that the Zoloft could be increasing suicide ideation.  My daughter is bipolar, and she is on Lamictal and Seroquel for mixed episodes of mania/depression. Your son isn't on any ADHD meds, is he? 

The main thing to watch for in a hospital setting is when the kids sit around, share "war stories" and support each other in, or teach new, negative behaviors.  That was the downside for us.

The upside is that a lot of medication adjustment, assessment, and treatment can be done in a short period of time. When  I would start discharge planning right away, and start looking for a good therapist for your family to follow up with.  Hook up with a NAMI group in your area, and the will give you a ton of support and practical helps.

When a child is suicidal, there is no other option than hospitalization.  We cannot monitor 24 hours a day.  believe me, t is NOT fun to find your child hanging in a closet, or passed out from a med overdose.  You did the right thing and the ONLY thing you can do.  I hope you get an accurate diagnosis and a good med plan.

It gets better!  How do you like your son's therapist and doctor?

[ABelle]

My D16 has also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder along with probable BPD.  Doing med changes in the hospital is, IMO, much easier than doing them at home.  I really wish my D had stayed in the hospital until she had really settled into her new medications rather than being discharged during that process.  Remember that this is the safest place to do all this difficult work.  This is the place where everything can be about your child's health with no distractions. 

My D has not been on any of the same meds, but the bipolar should improve with mood stabilizers, and while BPD is not necessarily fixed with such meds, I think there are less unhealthy behaviors when the mood disorder is more under control. 

[grandmabear]

  My 14 yr dd was hospitalized for 2 weeks last winter for depression/suicidal. Although I cried so hard I could barely drive the hour home after leaving her, it was a learning process for me also. I received a lot of valuable insight and 'tips' about how to deal with her anxiety and depression.

Unfortunately, we have progressed to the BPD traits, and her psych and therapist are thinking another stay would be beneficial because of her explosive anger issues now and possibility that she is cutting.

Although I am heartsick over this, I know it is the best thing to do while she is still young. Plus, it gives me time to 're-charge' (I also have a 5 yr old at home) and prepare for her 'homecoming' again. It will be easier to instill new boundaries if she comes home to them, and I look at it as another fresh start.

[theplotthickens]

Hi Cab!

Just wondering how your son is doing?  How are you?