Huge Set Back..My heart just dropped

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been in NC with my exgf for 5 weeks... I have done really good with no FB stalking/twitter or what ever else... . today I got a notification from my you tube channel and didn't even notice what it was. I forgot that I was subscribed to her channel and it was a video of my replacement with her grandson and them having a good time. I didnt watch the video, I just seen the still shot of him and her grandson with the title " GS1 and the love of my life weekend". 6 weeks ago I was laying in her bed with him (gs) sleeping in my arms. She knows how much that little guy meant to me and I know she put that video up on purpose since she has not been on You Tube in 6 months ... I am sitting here just crying ... . I can not believe some body can be that heartless. 1 foot forward , 10 backwards... . I want to lash out... but that would just make me look like the "crazy" that she has portrayed me to be  ... .      

[Fool for Love]

I have been in NC with my exgf for 5 weeks... I have done really good with no FB stalking/twitter or what ever else... . today I got a notification from my you tube channel and didn't even notice what it was. I forgot that I was subscribed to her channel and it was a video of my replacement with her grandson and them having a good time. I didnt watch the video, I just seen the still shot of him and her grandson with the title " GS1 and the love of my life weekend". 6 weeks ago I was laying in her bed with him (gs) sleeping in my arms. She knows how much that little guy meant to me and I know she put that video up on purpose since she has not been on You Tube in 6 months ... I am sitting here just crying ... . I can not believe some body can be that heartless. 1 foot forward , 10 backwards... . I want to lash out... but that would just make me look like the "crazy" that she has portrayed me to be  ... .      

[seeking balance]

   

I am so sorry you had to see that.  I am sure it felt like being punched in the stomach.

Do you have a trusted friend you can maybe go for a walk or have coffee with so you can rebalance?

[goldylamont]

i'm sorry too. such a low blow. it's painful i know. hang in there and feel free to post your feelings here 

[Fool for Love]

Wow... I have been doing so good... i am shaking and just tearing up... I am still at work and I have about 20 minutes... I cant wait... I just want to run out the door... I am surprised she did that ... I guess with me not responding to FB/Twitter early on and blocked her from everything she just had to throw the knock out punch. I did not allow her picture posting of her and the new guy to get a reaction out of me... She knows what will hurt me to the bones...  

[seeking balance]

Wow... I have been doing so good... i am shaking and just tearing up... I am still at work and I have about 20 minutes... I cant wait... I just want to run out the door...

What are your plans after work?  What can you do to take care of you tonight?

[Fool for Love]

I don't know... But it seems like all the progress I have made the last few weeks have just went down the drain... My good friend is out of the country

[coolioqq]

I don't know... But it seems like all the progress I have made the last few weeks have just went down the drain... My good friend is out of the country

I am sorry to hear that. It happened to all of us in one way or another. But I know that doesn't make it any easier.

With your friend being out of country, maybe it's a good idea to go and try doing something you never did before. Maybe go see a theater play or visit an art or science museum. Something novel will keep you interested. I personally love roller-coasters (such perspective changers!), but don't have any in the vicinity. Otherwise, I wouldn't be getting off of them in the past few weeks of grieving :-).

Go do something. If anything, a walk in the park should let some air in your head. I am actually going out now to do the same.

Keep strong - those five weeks were good, try not to let one heartless gesture get in the way of that.

[goldylamont]

Fool for Love it sounds like you've been doing really good by removing all forms of contact that you could from this person. and it's unfortunate she found a way around to circumvent this. simply continue to do what you've been doing for the past few weeks and don't give her the pleasure of any reaction (not that you were planning to). if this person were truly happy, had truly moved on--would she go through such trouble to try and punish her ex? she's unhappy and trying to still affect you with this; fortunately though i think you have more tools at your disposal to stay strong and move towards health instead of pettiness. take care of yourself today!

[seeking balance]

I don't know... But it seems like all the progress I have made the last few weeks have just went down the drain... My good friend is out of the country

I am sorry to hear that. It happened to all of us in one way or another. But I know that doesn't make it any easier.

With your friend being out of country, maybe it's a good idea to go and try doing something you never did before. Maybe go see a theater play or visit an art or science museum. Something novel will keep you interested. I personally love roller-coasters (such perspective changers!), but don't have any in the vicinity. Otherwise, I wouldn't be getting off of them in the past few weeks of grieving :-).

Go do something. If anything, a walk in the park should let some air in your head. I am actually going out now to do the same.

Keep strong - those five weeks were good, try not to let one heartless gesture get in the way of that.

Really good suggestions for you here FoL - nature has a way of helping things calm down a bit.

You will be ok - it hurts right now and it should... . grief is supposed to hurt, but that is ok too - you will get to the other side because you are a lot stronger than you have any idea you are 

[Take2]

I know this pain... .   I am so sorry you went thru that today at work... .   one day recently, right after I found out from someone else at work that my ex had a new GF behind my back... . he felt compelled to shove her picture in my face... .   at work.   It was truly cruel.  You don't deserve it... .    eventually it will get better... .   I don't know when but I know it iwll... .

[casey1099]

Juts know we are here with you! This is a disease. It is not "normal" relationship stuff. The "love of my life" things goes round and round. The "new" one wont last. But the point is for you to take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and to know how valuable YOU are!

[Fool for Love]

I know guys and girlls ... . I have made it a point not to look at her stuff even though I can on Twitter ... . it's easy to get around the FB block also ... . but I haven't and have used pure will power to do so know those things would hurt me . But this was a blind side kick in the head. For a person that knows that you love their GS to purposely put that cause everything else wasn't getting a reaction was pretty low. I was with him when he took his first steps , the rest of the family went to the store that day ... I even made it a point to record it on my I phone for them to see... I called her that day and was so excited... This isn't a person that I interacted with for just a few months ... . I was there when he was born , helped plan his first bday and took him trick or treating for the first 2 yrs ... . I love that little guy and she knows how special he is to me . I can understand moving in with life ... . but when she changed all her settings to public and started this 5 weeks ago I knew the intent was to harm me ... . I guess I would have thought if I didn't react she would calm down... . but this was posted just today ... . I didn't think about my youtube channel ... . I have cried off and on since I got home ... . ruthless person ... . But I think about that today ... . She is trying to get a reaction out of me... . it won't happen ... I almost called her mother , but that wouldn't so any good ... I can her the ex now ... mom , I am just putting MY stuff up ... tell him not to look ... .

[pinkparchment]

Oh, how my heart broke for you reading this. I'm so sorry you had to see that. Social media is just a nightmare for breakups. For me, seeing that my ex had a replacement, seeing her photo, hurt more than anything, but it was like pouring alcohol on an open wound. It was the excruciating pain I needed to cleanse and begin the healing process. Hopefully when the fresh pain and shock wear off a little, you too can begin to *really, truly* heal. 

[Split black]

Your dying because you are holding on to hope. Give up hope like I did. Then convince yourself every time you enter the twilight zone of wishful thinking and longing... . that it is over. And when one door closes another one WILL OPEN. After that your left with pure pain which will subside in time. No hope equals accepting reality for what it is. They are all insane to one degree or another and will drag you to hell and leave you there alone to crawl your way back up out of the pit of despair. One fingernail at a time my friend. You can do it.

[wrigley52]

A friend told me this tonite... . remember the replacement did not get the prize they got the boobie prize... . you got the better chance to be with someone so much better and deserving of you! Made sense and when I think of it that way they are right! My heart goes out to you! Been there done that several times and it sucks but it will get better.

Wrigley 52

[Fool for Love]

Your dying because you are holding on to hope. Give up hope like I did. Then convince yourself every time you enter the twilight zone of wishful thinking and longing... . that it is over. And when one door closes another one WILL OPEN. After that your left with pure pain which will subside in time. No hope equals accepting reality for what it is. They are all insane to one degree or another and will drag you to hell and leave you there alone to crawl your way back up out of the pit of despair. One fingernail at a time my friend. You can do it.

No, I am not holding on to hope ... . I do not want her back... . it hurts because of the talks we had that she knew how special he was to me . Stooping that low to just hurt me . Once again I look at it thru my eyes. If I was to break up with someone I personally would not intentionally hurt the other person.

[Buttlerfly777]

 [/quote]
No, I am not holding on to hope ... . I do not want her back... . it hurts because of the talks we had that she knew how special he was to me . Stooping that low to just hurt me . Once again I look at it thru my eyes. If I was to break up with someone I personally would not intentionally hurt the other person. [/quote]
I had something similar. I don't have children and developed a bond with some children in the family, over several years. I guess I could go visit the children by myself, but not right now. I need to stay away right now. I was almost more hurt over the children for a while. I will be ok, and they will be ok though.

I also struggled with some really cruel things he did immediately after the breakup that didn't even make sense. A picture? No he showed up where I work with the new person and just carried on, so happy. Actually crazy acting. It about killed me. I won't acknowledge them. I won't look at them. I decided early on after those incidents. I will give no reaction, because they would love that and feed off it. Nothing from me. I do have some dignity. After a few months of no contact, I am starting to feel better. I have bad days and set backs, but I'm a little bit happy today. Having insanity in my life is really not that much fun. I think I really hit my bottom this time. I can't do this anymore. I think I am finally realizing, he is just empty. He doesn't have it in him. It's not going to change and I don't need this craziness in my life. This is a not a person for me. Even if I love him. It's dangerous for my well being. I am practicing being with normal people. People who don't change with the wind. There is something good in that.

[Fool for Love]

I have to honestly say that my healing process must be alot better than I thought... 3 weeks ago this would have put me down... Last night I had my moment... let it pass and have not let it affect me today... Have I thought about it a few times... yes... but I have not let it control me like in the past. I am so ready for the "I don't care" feeling about anything she does... I know it takes time... but I am ready and tired of these games by her... I wanted to post pictures of a lady friend that is hot on Twitter cause I know she checks... my lady friend even said "go ahead" but I did not let myself stoop to her level And she is just a friend ... .