"SD9" filed a RO

[Thunderstruck]

uBPDbm was depositioned the other day. A bunch of skewed lies. L says she's one of the craziest he's seen. Lucky us. 

L wants to file a motion to continue the DV case because both the officer who witnessed what happened and the DCF lady is out of town. That's two more weeks of waiting for this chaos to end.

uBPDbm is suddenly playing mother of the year. How miraculous that once SO's motions are filed that hw is suddenly being completed and SO is receiving phone calls and she's willing to pretend to communicate rationally. 

In the meantime we caught wind of a storm brewing. uBPDbm hinted at "new allegations" about a week ago and we had no idea what she was talking about. L called yesterday and said they talked to child services and while our last case was closed, a new one has been opened and they were supposed to interview uBPDbm and SD9 yesterday. So now we wait to hear from child services to see what crazy stuff is going to be thrown at us next. Sigh... .

For those of you keeping score at home... . that's 2 CPS calls, 2 DVs, and 1 police visit in ~1 month from uBPDbm.

[Matt]

Probably best to wait til the right people will be available to say what really happened.

And with all this happening in just a month, I wonder if you can file a motion to change custody temporarily - suspend Mom's contact with SD9 until Mom has had a psych eval and has complied with the recommended treatment.  That would be a big step for the court to take but you can at least put it out there that this is super-crazy and needs to dealt with in a strong way - Mom needs to be evaluated and to get the recommended treatment so it will be safe for her to be around SD9.

A key to this is that while Mom is making these accusations through the police and child services, she is probably also telling SD9 crazy stuff too.  She could be asked in court or deposed again and asked, "Have you told SD9 that her father did X, Y and Z?", and she would probably admit it.  Or SD9 could be asked directly what her mom has told her.  It's not healthy for her to hear that stuff.

[ForeverDad]

One of the points to make with officials... .   Dad has been parenting his daughter for 9 years.  Why all of a sudden all these allegations in the past month or two?  The only change is that mother has been trying to obstruct his parenting more than before and he's standing up for his parenting as father and these allegation and alienation attempts are the only way mother can sabotage his parenting.  Dad has been parenting for years.  He has not suddenly transformed into a ogre.  His ex is just painting him as one.  That should concern the court and agencies since if she's willing to do that to the child's father, she can be twisting facts similarly with the child.

[Matt]

One of the points to make with officials... .   Dad has been parenting his daughter for 9 years.  Why all of a sudden all these allegations in the past month or two?  The only change is that mother has been trying to obstruct his parenting more than before and he's standing up for his parenting as father and these allegation and alienation attempts are the only way mother can sabotage his parenting.  Dad has been parenting for years.  He has not suddenly transformed into a ogre.  His ex is just painting him as one.  That should concern the court and agencies since if she's willing to do that to the child's father, she can be twisting facts similarly with the child.

Yeah, I think this is a good way to shift the frame of the discussion from ":)ad is being abusive" to "Mom is making false accusations."  That's a tough shift to make, since the system is set up to protect women and children from abusive men.  You will probably need to say very clearly that this is not a case of Dad abusing anyone, this is a case of Mom making false accusations, and that is harmful to SD9 - and repeat that as much as you can, with examples.

"On April 7 Mom told Child Protective Services - according to this document here - that Dad did X, Y and Z.  She provided no evidence to support those accusations, and they are completely false.  Making false accusations doesn't just hurt Dad, it hurts SD9, based on tons of research which we can provide to the court - and we can provide an expert witness if needed, to say the same thing - when a parent makes false accusations against the other parent, that hurts the child.

"Then on April 23, Mom told CPS that Dad did A, B, and C.  Again, she provided no evidence to support her accusations, and they are completely false.

"Mom is engaging in a pattern of false accusations.  She is not supporting these accusations with any evidence, and they are all completely false.  This pattern puts SD9 at high risk.  So we ask the court to suspend Mom's contact with SD9 - Dad can provide for all of SD9's needs - until Mom has had a thorough psychological evaluation and has completed the recommended treatment."

One of our members here went through something like that - in fact, the accusations against him were even more serious, and took years to disprove - and was awarded full custody until Mom "completed the recommended treatment".  The court's requirement was that Mom demonstrate to the court that she understood why she had made those accusations and that she knew how to keep from making more of them.  Each time she appeared in court, she said "The accusations were true - Dad is a monster!".  So the court never ended her "temporary" loss of custody, and she was only able to see the child under professional supervision.

I don't know if a similar path is open to you but it might be worth exploring... .

[ForeverDad]

I've been in and out of court for over 8 years.  In most of that time there was recurrent conflict.  Though I was prepared to present documentation each step along the way, most of that never came before the court.  For better or worse, we usually settled and so all that documentation and preparation never got "on the record" or into a court decision.  Just once, back in 2010 when I was seeking custody, mother was found 'not credible' in one instance.  I've concluded that's passive courtspeak for liar.  And yes, that was in a court decision that confirmed a Change of Circumstances, a crucial step to change custody in many states.

Finally last year many issues were covered during two full days of court when I returned seeking majority time.  The resulting order was very one sided, that is, very unfavorable for mother and reasonable favorable for father.  At least 5 or 6 times mother's 'disparagement' of father in the presence or hearing of the child was mentioned.  The word was used once regarding father - 'never disparaged'.  The decision referred to the "intense level of conflict".  Other phrases used about mother, her attitude or actions were disdain, interference, credibility, berated, undermined, irate, denigration, yelling, outbursts, verbal deprecation, ultimatums and does not remember or must be lying.

My point in mentioning the above that is that there is pressure in the early years to settle, mediate, have conferences, etc that result in very little coming to the court's attention.  Courts hope the conflict fades away after the divorce and some time passes while the parents get accustomed to living separate lives.  However, if the conflict doesn't decrease then you have to do your best to inform the court and try to get better orders, correcting the custody status, parenting time schedule, etc.  You'll never have a perfect outcome, but you can at least expect improvement.  What's unknown beforehand is how much improvement the court will order.

[Thunderstruck]

The L kinda threw in a last minute curveball. We thought he was going for the motion to continue but then he busted out with this Motion to Dismiss. He listed the allegations, said uBPDbm was making them because SO and I got engaged a few months ago, then refuted them with the CPS report. Then he said the case should be dismissed because none of the allegations apply to the statute on domestic violence (stalking, kidnapping, physical violence, etc. etc.). The judge agreed and asked uBPDbm if she would like to say anything (she's pro se). She made her emotional appeal (SD9 was crying and terrified and etc. etc.). The judge said that is a matter for family court and approved the Motion to Dismiss.

She was soo mad. She stormed out of the court room before the ink was even dry.

[ForeverDad]

Well, I think it's standard procedure to begin with a Motion to Dismiss.  Can't hurt, if it fails then you just proceed.

So SD9 was there?  Wow, for a child to be in the middle in the courtroom, yikes!  Emotional manipulation times 10!

She might be a candidate for Richard Warshak's Family Bridges.

[Thunderstruck]

Well, I think it's standard procedure to begin with a Motion to Dismiss.  Can't hurt, if it fails then you just proceed.

So SD9 was there?  Wow, for a child to be in the middle in the courtroom, yikes!  Emotional manipulation times 10!

She might be a candidate for Richard Warshak's Family Bridges.

No SD9 wasn't there because uBPDbm never got the order from the court to allow SD9 to be there/testify. What I meant was uBPDbm's reply was just allegations/heresay of SD9 being upset and crying and terrified of SO.