In so much pain today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My uBPD wife left 2 monhths ago, with our 11 month old daughter and I miss her so much.  She needs help and there is nothing I can do.  A few months ago, she wrote 365 Reasons Why She Loves Me.  When she devalued me, before she left, she was polar opposite and said she hated me, for all the same reasons she said she loved me.  For example, in her list, she said she loved that I was ambitious and built our house with my bare hands, by myself.  When she left, she criticized the house and said I'm lazy... .   She said She loved how I am there for her and support her, then said I'm never there for her.  She said she loved how I was always there for her during the pregnancy, then said I ruined her pregnancy.  I understand it's an illness.  When she was good, she was the best wife!  Now, I'm blamed for ruining the relationship and it's all my fault.  I want her back so bad and can't stop crying.  She made me feel so great about myself and vice versa... . as she said, we made a great team, but then said we didn't.  She just said in Jan. that she was looking forward to our future together and that she was so grateful and blessed I'm in her life and that I am the 1st and Last man she would marry.  Now 2 months later, she's divorcing me after she raged and bit me.  She'd gotten mad I took a pic of the bite marks, but I was protecting myself.  What do I do?  Beyond Upset, as I saw my entire life with her and our daughter... . everything meshed perfect!  Families got along, we had the same goals, morals, values and more... . Now, she's devalued me to her family and friends, etc... . I'm at a loss... .

[kfifd196]

My uBPD wife left 2 monhths ago, with our 11 month old daughter and I miss her so much.  She needs help and there is nothing I can do.  A few months ago, she wrote 365 Reasons Why She Loves Me.  When she devalued me, before she left, she was polar opposite and said she hated me, for all the same reasons she said she loved me.  For example, in her list, she said she loved that I was ambitious and built our house with my bare hands, by myself.  When she left, she criticized the house and said I'm lazy... .   She said She loved how I am there for her and support her, then said I'm never there for her.  She said she loved how I was always there for her during the pregnancy, then said I ruined her pregnancy.  I understand it's an illness.  When she was good, she was the best wife!  Now, I'm blamed for ruining the relationship and it's all my fault.  I want her back so bad and can't stop crying.  She made me feel so great about myself and vice versa... . as she said, we made a great team, but then said we didn't.  She just said in Jan. that she was looking forward to our future together and that she was so grateful and blessed I'm in her life and that I am the 1st and Last man she would marry.  Now 2 months later, she's divorcing me after she raged and bit me.  She'd gotten mad I took a pic of the bite marks, but I was protecting myself.  What do I do?  Beyond Upset, as I saw my entire life with her and our daughter... . everything meshed perfect!  Families got along, we had the same goals, morals, values and more... . Now, she's devalued me to her family and friends, etc... . I'm at a loss... .

[HappyNihilist]

kfifd, I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Did anything in particular happen today to trigger so much pain?

[Mutt]

My uBPD wife left 2 monhths ago, with our 11 month old daughter and I miss her so much.

I'm a father of 3, an 11 month old daughter would break my heart. I would miss her to bits. What kind of access do you have? How often are you seeing her?

Now 2 months later, she's divorcing me after she raged and bit me.  She'd gotten mad I took a pic of the bite marks, but I was protecting myself.  What do I do?

I'm sorry about the pain and loss that you are feeling. That is difficult.

My ex did the exact to me, she attacked me and bit me on my back.

Is this the signs of a healthy r/s?

[Take2]

   Oh Kfifd196... . I'm so so sorry to hear of the pain you are in... . that is truly heartbreaking... .   I hope you do get to see your daughter at least... . but I know it's not making up for the pain of losing your love... . but it will... .   that baby girl will fill up your entire heart... .   hold that baby as much as you can when you can... . know that everything you love about your wife, every good part, is in that baby girl... .

You know you are none of the bad things your wife said about you.  Let those words go.  They are meaning less words.  She needed to hurl her anger at you but it honestly has nothing to do about you.  And as much as it sucks... . !  that you have to take a picture of the bite marks to protect yourself... . DO IT.  KEEP IT.  I know how badly that sucks.  I have had to save instant messages and text messages for protection.  Just yesterday I was thinking about how blown away I am that I have to do this.  It's truly mind blowing for anyone who hasn't gone thru it.  But DO IT.  You are not dealing with a "normal" situation and need to protect yourself.  Just in case... .

I hope you find some peace tonight so you can sleep... . know we are all pulling for you... .

[kfifd196]

Thank you!  I finally got to see my daughter after 4 weeks... . I was afraid she wouldn't recognize me, since she was only 10 months old, but the minute she saw me, her face broke into the biggest smile and she tried getting out of her carseat to come to me!  It was the next best feeling, to when she was born!  My wife on the otherhand, can not look me in the face, when I come to pick up our daughter.  She is so bitter and scorned and blames me for 'ruining the relationship', whe she is the one who bit me, threw hot tea on me, etc... . She keeps posting things online, for everyone to see, that makes it look like she is the victim.  It's disgusting and there's nothing I can do about it.  I was cleaning our her things and came across 3 books of hers... . One on Mood Swings and Relationships, One on Co-Dependency and How to stop controlling people and the other about How trying to control people ruins relationships.  On top of this, she told me in the past about her trust issues, insecurities and abandonment issues.  I'm the only one, though that's figured out she has BPD... . as well as MY therapist.  Everyone she's gone to hasn't figured it out.  I keep praying for a reconcilation, but it's not in my hands... .

[Emelie Emelie]

I am so sorry you're going through this.  It is incredibly painful.  And further complicated by your separation from your daughter.  I do think it's easier if you never have to see them again (as much as we might want to).  As she's the mother of your child you don't have that option.

Sending you hugs.