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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Ex asking If i'm dating?  (Read 13562 times)
seeking balance
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7147



« Reply #30 on: April 24, 2014, 06:31:30 PM »

Honestly I'm just lost. I want to stay with her. She's in a relationship but she's constantly reaching out to me, wanting to hang out, wanting to be facebook friends. She says she just wants friendship, but her actions refuse to let me go. And right now she's being all fun and playful and nice to me. Talking about how she goes to church and does yoga, and I can't help but think maybe she's in a good place now. Which is driving me crazy. Even on the staying board people are telling me to leave her behind. That she is trouble, that she's not actually happy now, that she unfortunately never will be. It's just so hard.

Zen - Are YOU Happy Now?

As hard as this is, you can only control you - not her.  Reality, she has moved on and wants a friendship - the only question is does that friendship hurt you or help you?  Only you know the answer to that.

I know this is hard, honestly, it is - but you do have more power over your situation than you realize.
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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
zenwexler
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 238


« Reply #31 on: April 24, 2014, 07:08:18 PM »

No i'm not happy now. And I just don't believe she wants friendship. I mean on the surface that's what it looks like but her behaviors say other wise. She was begging me to add her no facebook, she texts me all the time. She keeps asking me to hang out, she wanted to know if I was seeing anyone. And every time I tell her we can't be friends and go no contact she does everything she can to get me back in her life. She refuses to let me go. And quite frankly I haven't let her go as well :/
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Emelie Emelie
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 665


« Reply #32 on: April 24, 2014, 09:14:02 PM »

After our first break up my X didn't care what I was doing until he found out I was dating.  Then all hell broke loose.  He dumped me, mind you, but I was disrespectful to him and our relationship by dating "too soon" etc.  He wanted to know I was there.  I was his safety net while he went out and "sought a new relationship".  (His words.)  I'm not telling you not to try again.  I did.  Months later after he promised me the earth the sun the moon and the stars.  You have to go through your own process and do it your way.  I can only tell you this; it hurts even more the second time.
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seeking balance
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7147



« Reply #33 on: April 24, 2014, 09:32:22 PM »

And quite frankly I haven't let her go as well :/

many of us don't let go until we have enough pain and we no longer recognize ourselves... .

You are not a victim, you do have control over your own life and choices - they might not be the choices you want, but they are in your control.

nothing is easy about where you are - nothing at all.  Stay or go or do what you are doing now - NOTHING is without pain and growth.
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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
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