she's back in town and contacted me

[Samsara121]

Hi there,

So today I get this phone call from an unknown number and I hear her voice. She was calling from the airport, saying they had lost her luggage. I was a bit in shock, told her that, thought that she would be here later next month, as her last communication stated.

I was calm, able to listen to myself and not falling in the trap of trying to help her out. She tried many times without asking directly - to have me taking care of the problem - as she had to travel further nearby! She said she was expecting me to be more reactive and angry and was all surprised I was calm, and disappointed by that.

During the short call, the only time I felt taking down my protection was when she thanked me for helping her with the decision of coming to this city for work. Flattering me is still working... .

I stayed non-personal with my replies and did not ask anything, I was just being present and cordial but without engaging further conversation. I ended it saying "Have a good day", she replied "Im not having a good day!" and I said "You'll do just fine".

Wow, I had prepared myself by registering her old phone number with a funny nickname, but she got a new number I guess, otherwise I would not have answered. I decided to go for LC.

I felt a bit shocked, then a bit irritated, then relieved by the fact that I was able to "read" her behaviors thank to all the reading and sharing on this website! Able to stay connected to myself and my decision about NO recycling.

I feel detached, not to the fullest but I feel I've done a good job in 2 months.

Wow now I can see the manipulative behaviors, it's not pretty!   

Then I felt also a bit sad, that this story wasn't meant to end that way. At the same time, now her voice does not sound the same to me, her words do not touch me like before. I hope I'm doing the right things.

[willy45]

You did awesome! Pat yourself on the back. We'll done.

[HappyNihilist]

You did fantastic! 

You should be very proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing this inspirational personal victory with us. 

I stayed non-personal with my replies and did not ask anything, I was just being present and cordial but without engaging further conversation. I ended it saying "Have a good day", she replied "Im not having a good day!" and I said "You'll do just fine".

I love it. Seriously. Fan-f#cking-tastic.

Bravo too on recognizing what still does work some on you (flattery). Now you know that and can adjust accordingly.

[coolioqq]

You did fantastic! 

You should be very proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing this inspirational personal victory with us. 

I stayed non-personal with my replies and did not ask anything, I was just being present and cordial but without engaging further conversation. I ended it saying "Have a good day", she replied "Im not having a good day!" and I said "You'll do just fine".

I love it. Seriously. Fan-f#cking-tastic.

Bravo too on recognizing what still does work some on you (flattery). Now you know that and can adjust accordingly.

Ditto!

Samsara121, that was a very witty response right there! You did great!

Flattery was part of my ex's strategies to break my NC. That's before she went back to devalue me by questioning my love for her... . So, what's true? On her end, nothing is true for longer than a few seconds. On my end, what is true is that my life without her in it is starting to get better!

It sounds like you're getting there too!

[Samsara121]

Thank you Willy, Happy and Cool for your kind support! It feels so good!

I feel proud to respect my feelings and hers in an assertive way.

I wish you a great weekend