Today im having anxiety thinking that it will magically work out between them

[AG]

My BPD ex now has a double diagnoses Borderline Personality Disorder and Dependant personality disorder. I know who the next target/replacement is and I know there is overlapping from me to him. Today im having anxiety thinking that it will magically work out between them two. The last convo I had with her I asked how many books has she read on her disorder to underatand or prevent hurting someone else and she clearly had not done any work but go to therapy that was forced by courts and on top of that whatever information that was gathered in therapy went in one ear and out the other.


Also within the convo I could hear that she was pretty much relying on someone else to save her. Within the convo u could hear that she thinks that there are certain people who exist who have no training but are just born with the ability to save her and tale her troubles away. Pretty much everything will be ok now that Im gone and no self reflection is needed. She even tried to say in a indirect way that her abusive behavior is ok and that she doesnt really need to work on it just needs this magical person to deal with it. I had urged her to not destroy another person or damage another persons mind and to please just read one book and try to prevent hurting another person.

This was brushed off with more denial and blame fests. Blaming her ex which was supposedly abusive to her amd also blaming me who im sure she now says im abusive. No need to explain on the abuse thing u all know how that goes .

Logically speaking I know what will happen and very soon but why do I care and why the hell do I have doubts and why am i even feeling physical reaction from this. I only know that I am mad that she is going to tear another person apart. The new target is not very attractive, is very short, bald , and on top of thatis clearly still in mourning of his ex passing away about 3 years ago. It freaking annoys me to the fullest extent knowing what this guy has in store for him. The feeling that I can identify with is the anger part but the pain and anxiety and illogical rationlizing that they will ride off into the sunset is what I dont get why Im feeling. Also why do I even care? Cant wait till this is over and is a memory I can look back on and laugh at smh

[AwakenedOne]

Today im having anxiety thinking that it will magically work out between them two.

I only know that I am mad that she is going to tear another person apart.

The above two lines are opposites right?

If your ex is anything like mine your advice won't mean much to her. You can't fix her. This other guy is going to have to just be responsible for himself. Probably the guy is going to have to buy a lot of aspirins for the headaches she's going to give him.

You are feeling that if they ride of into the sunset you were cheated and this dude won her as a prize after you spent a lot of effort in the relationship. I can relate to that, this is a normal feeling.

I have had a thought like this before about my ex. I replace that thought with this instead -> She doesn't care about me and she's sick. She can ride off with Billy Bob on a horse into the sunset and they can have each other. I just feel sorry for the innocent horse that has to be with them. I can't do much worse than her anyway. There are millions of other women in the world right?

[push pull]

I'm three years out of my BPD r/s, healed extremely well, but on the rare occasion frequent this forum to chip in to threads such as this.

Let me tell you from experience, OP, your BPDex will try her best to make it appear as if everything is rosy between her and your replacement, but behind the scenes is a completely different picture.

You wont believe what I'm saying because you're not privy to what's going on in their r/s, so you're filled with self doubt that she is mentally ill and that it was all your fault for bringing out the worst in her.

I was in the same position as you three years ago... . wondered why the r/s was lasting, so assumed that it was my fault and that I brought out the worst in her, even though I treated her with absolute love and respect.

Around that time I was stalking her facebook page, she was acutely aware of this no doubt, and created continuous posts about her amazing new love, as well as pics of them both together "appearing" happy together.

Some time down the line (last year in fact) I decided to google her for the hell of it... . I find a blog of hers in which she mentioned that the relationship has been absolute hell from the beginning... . the replacement treats her like crap, has been in love with his ex the entire time, she hinted that she cheated on him, asking people's opinions on open relationships and much more besides.

So my point to you OP is, just because you can't see what's going on in their r/s, or the facade she is presenting to you and the rest of the world, doesn't mean that it is working, if anything a BPD r/s lasts longer with men who are abusive because they provide them with so much chaos and drama. Does that mean it is working? Absolutely not, and nor would I want to be with a woman who demands that I treat her like crap just to keep her into me (BPD or not).

Any woman who is into a man who treats them like dirt has serious issues and not the kind of woman you want to be in an r/s with at all (no matter how smoking hot she is).

[AG]

I'm three years out of my BPD r/s, healed extremely well, but on the rare occasion frequent this forum to chip in to threads such as this.

Let me tell you from experience, OP, your BPDex will try her best to make it appear as if everything is rosy between her and your replacement, but behind the scenes is a completely different picture.

You wont believe what I'm saying because you're not privy to what's going on in their r/s, so you're filled with self doubt that she is mentally ill and that it was all your fault for bringing out the worst in her.

I was in the same position as you three years ago... . wondered why the r/s was lasting, so assumed that it was my fault and that I brought out the worst in her, even though I treated her with absolute love and respect.

Around that time I was stalking her facebook page, she was acutely aware of this no doubt, and created continuous posts about her amazing new love, as well as pics of them both together "appearing" happy together.

Some time down the line (last year in fact) I decided to google her for the hell of it... . I find a blog of hers in which she mentioned that the relationship has been absolute hell from the beginning... . the replacement treats her like crap, has been in love with his ex the entire time, she hinted that she cheated on him, asking people's opinions on open relationships and much more besides.

So my point to you OP is, just because you can't see what's going on in their r/s, or the facade she is presenting to you and the rest of the world, doesn't mean that it is working, if anything a BPD r/s lasts longer with men who are abusive because they provide them with so much chaos and drama. Does that mean it is working? Absolutely not, and nor would I want to be with a woman who demands that I treat her like crap just to keep her into me (BPD or not).

Any woman who is into a man who treats them like dirt has serious issues and not the kind of woman you want to be in an r/s with at all (no matter how smoking hot she is).

Ur absolutely right I damn near bent over backwards for and actually loved her to be honest I had boundaries at the beginning and would hang up when being raged on. I also would not come running at her every whim. Even with those boundaries becuz I loved her They eventually were broken down bit by bit until I was a mere shadow of my former self.

As for the smoking hot thing shes not smoking hot. Shes not ugly either but as far as looks go she was not my usual type. Actually Im 100 percent positive that Im the best looking man shes ever been with as far as relationships go. I am the tallest most well built and most handsome in the face. Logically speaking I know that but emotionally these days I feel like smeagel from lord of the rings.

[blissful_camper]

Ag, it's magical thinking on her part that someone can save her.  She's shifting the responsibility of her problems onto other people if she is looking at others to save her or simply tolerate her behavior.  Until she can overcome her denial about the work she needs to do, she will continue to repeat the same patterns in her relationships.  Healthy people won't get involved with her, or will leave her when they figure out what is going on.  Codependent people will stay longer but once she is triggered, we all know that is the beginning of the end.  She isn't your responsibility anymore.  Your replacement isn't either.  My ex had a similar attitude as yours and it was pretty mind-boggling to me. I know it's hard but you'll reap the rewards (healing) if you can redirect the focus back to yourself.

"why do I care and why the hell do I have doubts and why am i even feeling physical reaction from this"

Maybe because it's traumatic. 

I cared because I was worried about him post r/s. I had to remind myself that there is nothing I can do to help him.  He needs a therapist. 

I had doubts because I hadn't connected the dots.  That faded as I processed the experience, accepted it for what it really was, and then focused on myself and the inner work I needed to do. 

I had physical reactions too, ranging from panic to nausea to anger to depression.  You were traumatized.  That's why you're feeling a physical reaction.  That's where you find the answers too.  When you have those reactions, take a deep breath, let yourself feel it, and when you're ready ask yourself, what is this triggering in me to cause this reaction?  For me, it triggered fears long buried that I had to face. 

[Emelie Emelie]

That used to torture me.  The thought that he would take all he learned in his rs with me and be better with someone else.  Or that he really didn't love me and would make it work with someone else he loved more.  Until he "re-fell" in love with me and was committed to doing everything possible to make it work and it was deja vu all over again.

Patient and Clear said something that really resonated with me.  That they are angrily disappointed.  My xBF believed that if we just got back together his life would be good.  Everything would be okay.  Of course it wasn't and he was profoundly disappointed in me.  And angry at me.  This stuff just doesn't go away.  It's a disorder that manifests in close relationships.