I've changed my tune

[changingme]

It is starting to click... .

I used to feel my biggest life accomplishment would be when I finish school. When I get my dream job. When I make enough money to buy a home.  Enough money to travel the world a little.  I used to feel my biggest life accomplishment would be that I continue to raise my daughter to be an outstanding young lady even despite her hardships she has faced in life. To nurse her when she is sick.  To support her in ways I wasn't. I used to think finding a true love would also be one.  Sustaining better health and better relationships.

Driving to work one day it clicked that my biggest life accomplishment is the one that has proven to be impossible.  The many things I listed above here have felt near impossible (especially while living in constant emotional turmoil) but there is something even harder that trumps all those goals.  Detaching from these strings that have plagued me for so long.  If I can detach while missing a support system, if I can detach without having a therapist, while co-parenting, while being single... . if I can detach 100% just on my smarts and knowledge and drive to be happy... . well then I can do anything and everything that I dream of.  Detaching for good will my biggest life accomplishment and everything else I am working on will be a breeze because I will be free! 

[Lamaiel]

I do look forward to the day I can fully detach from my exBPD... . it will be a big moment and one I am excited for.  I am most definitely not there yet, and may not be close, but its been said many times on this board that the end of a BPD relationship can potentially offer a wonderful gift if you take time to heal and learn from your experiences.

[12BarBlues]

This is excellent insight! Keep it up! 

[Mutt]

Driving to work one day it clicked that my biggest life accomplishment is the one that has proven to be impossible.  The many things I listed above here have felt near impossible (especially while living in constant emotional turmoil) but there is something even harder that trumps all those goals.  Detaching from these strings that have plagued me for so long.  If I can detach while missing a support system, if I can detach without having a therapist, while co-parenting, while being single... . if I can detach 100% just on my smarts and knowledge and drive to be happy... . well then I can do anything and everything that I dream of.  Detaching for good will my biggest life accomplishment and everything else I am working on will be a breeze because I will be free! 

Hi changingme,

This very much sounds like radical acceptance   You are getting in touch with your thoughts and feelings, without avoidance or distortion.

Radical Acceptance for family members

Radical acceptance was developed by Marsha Linehan, PhD.  from the University of Washington (see article) and is based on the ancient Zen philosophy that each moment is complete by itself, and that the world is perfect as it is. Zen focuses on acceptance, validation, and tolerance instead of change.   Mindfulness is “allowing” experiences rather than suppressing or avoiding them. It is the intentional process of observing, describing, and participating in reality non-judgmentally, in the moment, and with effectiveness. Etherial as it may sound, Linehan's methods have been independently studied by clinical researchers and shown to be effective.