My BPDex keeps blocking me and unblocking me on social media

[Depression = 72% of members]

in fact your standing offer to be there for her if she wants to go to therapy can very well be seen as contemptuous. we can keep spraying Glade all we want but the best way to get rid of the stink is to first flush the toilet 

you are doing well in many regards and seem to have a good amount of detachment going on. however i feel at least some of your 'goodness' may represent the last bit of control over this situation which needs to be released.

,

Do you mean contemptuous by her? Or contemptuous in general?

I do not look down upon her with contempt, I used to, but isn't that part of healing, I do not view her as less, I see her as a great girl with a terrible illness, I now feel for her, I'm sure a lot of people can relate, after a long enough time, you start to feel the illness yourself, it rubs off on you, and I have never experienced such fear and panic in all my life, I've never felt like 'out of my body' before, I've never felt like I couldn't be alone before. I'm 90% over it now but if this is how she feels on a regular basis, whatever pain she has caused me is a drop in the ocean to what I experienced through her.

Surely it is not contemptuous to want someone you care about not to live a life feeling this horrendous way. I am talking as a friend, this doesn't have to be about the relationship we had, we can't, but just because we can't, doesn't mean I don't care and I don't want her to feel this pain.

[bungenstein]

in fact your standing offer to be there for her if she wants to go to therapy can very well be seen as contemptuous. we can keep spraying Glade all we want but the best way to get rid of the stink is to first flush the toilet 

you are doing well in many regards and seem to have a good amount of detachment going on. however i feel at least some of your 'goodness' may represent the last bit of control over this situation which needs to be released.

,

Do you mean contemptuous by her? Or contemptuous in general?

I do not look down upon her with contempt, I used to, but isn't that part of healing, I do not view her as less, I see her as a great girl with a terrible illness, I now feel for her, I'm sure a lot of people can relate, after a long enough time, you start to feel the illness yourself, it rubs off on you, and I have never experienced such fear and panic in all my life, I've never felt like 'out of my body' before, I've never felt like I couldn't be alone before. I'm 90% over it now but if this is how she feels on a regular basis, whatever pain she has caused me is a drop in the ocean to what I experienced through her.

Surely it is not contemptuous to want someone you care about not to live a life feeling this horrendous way. I am talking as a friend, this doesn't have to be about the relationship we had, we can't, but just because we can't, doesn't mean I don't care and I don't want her to feel this pain.

[bungenstein]

bungenstein what i'm reading from this is that you have a deep need to appear as "rising above", to convey that you have good intentions, that you aren't hurt, that you are happy for her and wish her well in her new relationship, that you don't want her to hate you.

Would you not think after learning about the illness that after the anger subsides, providing you can forgive and understand, anyone would feel this way? Aren't they the most healthy and mature feelings to have?

[goldylamont]

in fact your standing offer to be there for her if she wants to go to therapy can very well be seen as contemptuous. we can keep spraying Glade all we want but the best way to get rid of the stink is to first flush the toilet 

you are doing well in many regards and seem to have a good amount of detachment going on. however i feel at least some of your 'goodness' may represent the last bit of control over this situation which needs to be released.

,

Do you mean contemptuous by her? Or contemptuous in general?

I do not look down upon her with contempt, I used to, but isn't that part of healing, I do not view her as less, I see her as a great girl with a terrible illness, I now feel for her, I'm sure a lot of people can relate, after a long enough time, you start to feel the illness yourself, it rubs off on you, and I have never experienced such fear and panic in all my life, I've never felt like 'out of my body' before, I've never felt like I couldn't be alone before. I'm 90% over it now but if this is how she feels on a regular basis, whatever pain she has caused me is a drop in the ocean to what I experienced through her.

Surely it is not contemptuous to want someone you care about not to live a life feeling this horrendous way. I am talking as a friend, this doesn't have to be about the relationship we had, we can't, but just because we can't, doesn't mean I don't care and I don't want her to feel this pain.

apologies if i wasn't clear bungenstein. what i meant was that your goodwill to her may be seen as pompous (by her). you feel like she has a PD. and whether she knows this or not she doesn't see it as a problem while you do.

i think it's healthy/normal for you to feel this way as long as it doesn't draw you back in (and this seems to be the case). what i am pointing out is that if you ever expressed this to her, that likely she would think "what kind of idiot is this guy bungenstein telling me i need therapy, when HE is the one that needs therapy. HE is the crazy and abusive person."

another way to look at it is how would you feel if your ex approached you in a nice, calm way with the best of intentions and said "bungenstein, i want you to know that i care for you, but i think you have a problem. you are an abusive man and you need help. i'm happy now and want you to know that i would support you and work with your parents to repair your damaged personality. i hope that you will seek help for your abusive behaviors." << if she said this to you you'd likely post on here about how nutty this person was to think that you were the issue. and, this is likely how she feels. so, while your intentions may be coming from a good place know that they won't be received as such. hope this clarifies.

[bungenstein]

Ah ok thanks, I know what you mean, the thing, is, its already been done countless times.

I never got to the decision that she BPD until after it ended and I had time to reflect and learn upon it, but we had frequent discussions about that I thought there was something wrong with her.

One day she came home and said, I think I'm Bi Polar, and I said, I think you are too, so we looked up the symptoms, and I thought she wasn't Bi Polar, but she agreed to go to a GP, the GP said she didn't have a mental illness but recommended Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, she was on the waiting list but unfortunately we had broken up before the letter came through the post, by that point she was in full rage mode and had thrown the idea of therapy out the windows.

I spoke to her older sister and told her everything, I told her I suspected she may have a mental illness from everything I described and that if enough of us talk to her maybe we can get her help whilst she's still young. Her sister didn't sound surprised and said they had tried to get her into therapy before but she refused, her sister then drove to see her to try and talk her into it again but got the same rage that I received.

The guy she was dating before me warning me about her, she had opened up to him and told him about all of her problems, all of these problems she tried to hide from me. He openly admitted he knew she was telling him these problems because she wasn't afraid of losing him, but she was afraid of losing me, so she didn't anything and everything she could to hide them. She knows there is something wrong with her.

[goldylamont]

bungenstein what i'm reading from this is that you have a deep need to appear as "rising above", to convey that you have good intentions, that you aren't hurt, that you are happy for her and wish her well in her new relationship, that you don't want her to hate you.

Would you not think after learning about the illness that after the anger subsides, providing you can forgive and understand, anyone would feel this way? Aren't they the most healthy and mature feelings to have?

give me a sec to come back to this one. gotta go do some stuff! good questions though.