Suggestions?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well... . "dealing with" a DUI to the tune of $15k legal bills so she doesn't experience the consequences would sound like enabling to me in that hypothetical situation.

I have trouble imagining a situation where you would want her arrested, especially like this... . believe she was sober, just not driving well... .

Hope the repairs are done now and that crisis is winding down. It can be so hard not to JADE when your partner is spewing all sorts of accusations like she was doing earlier.

Hang in there!

[Grey Kitty]

Well... . "dealing with" a DUI to the tune of $15k legal bills so she doesn't experience the consequences would sound like enabling to me in that hypothetical situation.

I have trouble imagining a situation where you would want her arrested, especially like this... . believe she was sober, just not driving well... .

Hope the repairs are done now and that crisis is winding down. It can be so hard not to JADE when your partner is spewing all sorts of accusations like she was doing earlier.

Hang in there!

[hurthusband]

No... car was totaled.  She demands a car that is twice as expensive as this last one.  She is upset at me cause the insurance company just now paid it off after over 2 weeks.  She has yelled and screamed that she could have gotten it done sooner.  We have been short staffed at work and been super busy.  O well...

We now talking about divorce and all she can say is i still owe her a lexus with navigation even though navigation is a $3k option.  She also says she will never use the nav... it just looks better

I left work early yesterday to do laundry for her client to find out she was at a bar drinking... i am the villian though.

I dont make her feel special.  I am wrong... i dont know. I dont want to destroy her.

I have an appointment to get a haircut tonight.  High dollar person but they are my friend so they give me for free.  Its nothing big, but I hate to cancel to go get a car not cause I care about my haircut but cause they saved me a slot.  She wants a divorce and a lexus now. 

or me to quit my job, get her a lexus, treat her special... make $200k work a new job only 40 hours a week, have full benefits, no travel, flexible hours

[Grey Kitty]

Oh man.    It just keeps piling on, doesn't it!

Have you been over to the legal board yet to see what divorce looks like? You may need to prepare for it. Are divorce threats something new for her?

Do you even know what you want to do now?

[hurthusband]

Oh man.    It just keeps piling on, doesn't it!

Have you been over to the legal board yet to see what divorce looks like? You may need to prepare for it. Are divorce threats something new for her?

Do you even know what you want to do now?

divorce threats happen.  I just want to stop dealing with this.  honestly going to sleep and not waking up is ideal, but i dont have the balls for suicide. 

I was trying to help get her the car and she just kept blasting me with degrading language and putting me down.  I finally told her that she was acting like her sister.  She was being mean and rude and I was just trying to help.  Then she fired back some other low blows. I snapped and rattled off some things she has done that I have mentioned here and asked if I did not care, why would i still be around after all of this?

Things just loaded now.  She hates my guts and wants to die, but wants me home not to hurt the kids.  I find it odd that the same things i fire at her are off limits but its okay to say them to me constantly

[Grey Kitty]

Sounds like you need a break!

I was trying to help get her the car and she just kept blasting me with degrading language and putting me down.

This is exactly the time to end the conversation and go away.

It has hit the point where everything you say will make her feel worse, and everything she says will make you feel worse. Nobody will win, it is just a question of how bad everybody will lose! Just get out! If she won't stop talking, leave the room. If she follows, leave the house. If necessary, spend the night with friends, family, or a motel to get away!

[hurthusband]

Sounds like you need a break!

I was trying to help get her the car and she just kept blasting me with degrading language and putting me down.

This is exactly the time to end the conversation and go away.

It has hit the point where everything you say will make her feel worse, and everything she says will make you feel worse. Nobody will win, it is just a question of how bad everybody will lose! Just get out! If she won't stop talking, leave the room. If she follows, leave the house. If necessary, spend the night with friends, family, or a motel to get away!

i slept in my car.  I am today buying her a car.  I am really ___ed up.  I am my own worst enemy.  I also do not think she wants me back.  So I really gain nothing. 

[waverider]

So next time she wants something what do you thing she is going to do to get it?

[hurthusband]

So next time she wants something what do you thing she is going to do to get it?

same thing... she tried to be nice after getting the car.  I basically said, what has really changed?

I do not expect sympathy.  I am just a drug user basically at this point.  No change... if i did change the hell to pay would be verbal and emotional abuse everywhere in my life and possibly physically with kids used against me.  The fact I am abused tells me that there is no way that I can use the skills and tools from here to get through things.  The only real option is leaving.   

I look around and see happy people and I want that.  I see couples who love each other.  Just as I feel about her, she feels i give nothing and care nothing for her.  Difference is she takes it all out on me and doesnt even make an effort.  I make an effort.  She has no idea what it is like to be in the real world.  How can I expect her to understand what I go through?

Maybe the next person she will realize it with and be better

I have tied my life so much to her though in so many ways that to get out very well might cost me my job which is a long term career and benefits I cannot get elsewhere including inheritance, my credit that is left, kids, heart, mental state.  It will also destroy here unless he just hooks up onto another sucker because she has no job, she is a mental mess even for her being BPD, her credit is just plain bad...   All of that affects kids too suddenly.  Now I am losing all of that slowly anyways...

It just feels like I have to get angry... I have to get and stay angry and upset about what she has done to me so I can pry away.  I once did it years ago, but I am more entangled than ever now...