Mother jealous of relationship daughter has with father... BPD symptoms?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

After my mother came home from work, she came into my room, grabbed the soda cup that was sitting on my desk, and threw it in my face saying "don't treat my husband like that"

When my father fixed the tire on my car, she got angry because I wasn't grateful enough to say thank you.

My dad made a remark that my mother didn't like us speaking when she was at work, or generally not home. In the past, she has acussed me of sleeping with my father which was so bizarre. As a teen she never behaved like this so it totally caught me off guard

Anyway, this not speaking has snowballed into him treating me like utter crap. He rarely talks to me, and whenever he gets the mail delivered to me, he throws it on the floor. It's always sprawled across the carpet a few inches away from my bedroom door

Are all of these signs of BPD? I definitely know there is family dysfunction going on

[kharma]

After my mother came home from work, she came into my room, grabbed the soda cup that was sitting on my desk, and threw it in my face saying "don't treat my husband like that"

When my father fixed the tire on my car, she got angry because I wasn't grateful enough to say thank you.

My dad made a remark that my mother didn't like us speaking when she was at work, or generally not home. In the past, she has acussed me of sleeping with my father which was so bizarre. As a teen she never behaved like this so it totally caught me off guard

Anyway, this not speaking has snowballed into him treating me like utter crap. He rarely talks to me, and whenever he gets the mail delivered to me, he throws it on the floor. It's always sprawled across the carpet a few inches away from my bedroom door

Are all of these signs of BPD? I definitely know there is family dysfunction going on

[Cassy]

Sounds like BPD for your mother. Your father, I don't know. BPD people have a real skill in finding partners who do this sort of thing. My step-father died without seeing his own biological daughter again because mother was jealous of her.

Maybe others will have some suggestions. Perhaps you could just ask ask him in a non-confrontational way and remind him you're his daughter and you love him? Maybe that will snap him out of it. But, if he's willing to sacrifice your relationship to keep peace with her, there's little you can do.

Just remember. This has nothing to do with you. You're a great person and a good daughter and the demons they're dealing with are outside of your control. Just don't let them sweep you into the insanity.

[jkleinpeter]

This happened a lot in my house when I was growing up. My mom was BPD and Bipolar so things would get really interesting. My dad usually went along with whatever nonsense my mom was saying just to keep the peace. This went on for 9 years before my mom finally spiraled so far out of control that he had no choice but to divorce her. It's a tough situation and when my dad and I talk now he still rationalizes his behavior as doing what was best for the family. I don't know how old you are but my advice is try to go with the flow and move out as soon as you can. I never had much luck talking to my dad about it. I know it sucks to have to walk on eggshells around your family but at least you realize it's not normal.

[kharma]

My father doesn't speak to me at all. He ignores me. The only time he speaks is if he wants something like money.

He also goes on campaign denigrations where he calls up relatives and lies to them about how I don't work (I do work).

He badgered me about moving out and when I did,  he still wasn't happy. He never called me on my bday, and he complained that I was not suffering enough. I don't know what his deal is.

BPD mom literally cried her eyes out when I left, begged me to stay even though she was mean and abusive, and threatened to kick me out alot

Eventually I had to move back home for financial reasons

[P.F.Change]

Hi, kharma,

I am sorry things are still tough for you at home. It sounds like you are really hurting over the way both of your parents are treating you. Many people with BPD or NPD do see their children as competition for their spouse's affection. This is not a diagnostic criteria for either disorder, but it is a trait common to many people with them.

As a peer support forum, no one here can diagnose BPD. Not sure if you have seen this, but it has some good information: BPD: What is it? How can I tell? Do you have a therapist you could ask for professional advice?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[kharma]

When I lived on my own briefly, she would grind me about getting a better job, so I refused to take phone calls from her. She then would have my sister leave 'emergency' emails in my inbox to contact her. Sometimes she'd threaten to have the leasing department call the police to see if I was home if I avoided her for too long. Are these actions of BPD?

[jkleinpeter]

Kharma,

This situation is very similar to what I went through... . Yes even had my mother call the police and report me as a missing person when I didn't call her over the last week. It was awful but I decided that it was better to not have her in my life than deal with her on a regular basis. I finally moved and refused to tell her where I lived. If she wanted to get together and if I felt comfortable with it I would meet her out for lunch or for coffee. The one thing I have learned about living with someone who has BPD is that you have set clear boundaries with them and you can't let them destroy your life. Trust me they will try to. You have to move on with your life no matter how difficult it may be. Good luck!

JK