Today is the 8th day of NC.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Today is the 8th day of NC for me. I realized that she blocked me and probably changed her number today not informing me so i guess she wants to NC too

Anyway... . pushing ahead... .

[sirius]

Today is the 8th day of NC for me. I realized that she blocked me and probably changed her number today not informing me so i guess she wants to NC too

Anyway... . pushing ahead... .

[Mutt]

How does it make you feel that you are blocked?

[sirius]

i feel nothing, not angry or sad... . i just take it as thats what they do... . ?

Never know the reason why she did it but... .

Thanks Mutt

Thanks Skip for editing the thread... . it was started by Banshee originally

counting the days of NC... . was hard for the first 4 or 5 days, during that time felt i was feeling angry and constanly checking on my phone... . got fed up and deleted her from speed dial, removed her pics on the phone and silent all alerts on her calls and text... . seems peaceful for the last few days and spending more time here

[Banshee]

It's Day 9 for me  Day 10 is the longest I've been no  contact and thought If I text him something on Easter, things would be nice and peaceful... Nah ,it was the same distant response.

He's never went total silent on me or cussed me out and said to never speak to him like Ive read so many times here. I think that might be one of the reasons I kept having contact.

It's easier this time around .I don't look at my phone as much or take it from room to room

[Mutt]

counting the days of NC... . was hard for the first 4 or 5 days, during that time felt i was feeling angry and constanly checking on my phone... . got fed up and deleted her from speed dial, removed her pics on the phone and silent all alerts on her calls and text... . seems peaceful for the last few days and spending more time here

You were together for 13 years? You have a long history together. I got rid of some things, pictures, gifts. I took some letters, family albums and stored them away. Removed all photos together on social media etc. I found it helpful to remove reminders of her, but I also didn't want to regret getting rid of everything. Kept things for kids when they are older.

NC is difficult, urges and impulses to contact your BP, it will pass, it takes a little time. The FOG will lift, your head will clear and you will feel better. It's important to try to not think about what she's up to. I hope that helps.

[seeking balance]

Sirius - here is really what NC can do for you:

The FOG will lift, your head will clear

As that happens, emotions will flood you - it is in this that a lot of people think "contact" is the way to soothe the emotions - in fact, these emotions need to be felt & processed (step 3 on detachment).

As you feel emotions - please post about it - no need to go through this alone - we are here.

Peace,

SB

[Banshee]

As that happens, emotions will flood you - it is in this that a lot of people think "contact" is the way to soothe the emotions

Yes! Don't let the " I'm doing good" emotion trick you into  thinking you can   send a text or short phone call either!... For some reason I let THAT emotion trick me... most likely because when you hear and read about emotions they are the sad ... depressed and  negative ones... . the good ones can set you right back to day 1 too.

[sirius]

wow... . this is what i did not thought of ...

"NC is difficult, urges and impulses to contact your BP, it will pass, it takes a little time. The FOG will lift, your head will clear and you will feel better. It's important to try to not think about what she's up to. I hope that helps."

"As that happens, emotions will flood you - it is in this that a lot of people think "contact" is the way to soothe the emotions - in fact, these emotions need to be felt & processed (step 3 on detachment)."

"Yes! Don't let the " I'm doing good" emotion trick you into  thinking you can   send a text or short phone call either!... For some reason I let THAT emotion trick me... most likely because when you hear and read about emotions they are the sad ... depressed and  negative ones... . the good ones can set you right back to day 1 too."

I was thinking what she is up to... . thats why the urge was lurking behind it... . and the trick thing make sense now... .

Thanks guys... . going into 9th day now.

[Narellan]

7 weeks yesterday and the need to break NC is back. I'm feeling overwhelmed with sadness and anger. I don't know where it's coming from. I've been feeling so strong and in control. The longest NC before this was 10 days. I thought for sure he was going to try another recycle and I'd had my rejection for him all planned. I guess the longer the time goes on I realise that may not happen. And that's where my sadness lies. Not that I want him in my life. I firmly don't but I want to be able to show him that rejection that he showed me. It kills me he's replaced me with my ex best friend. I've made an appointment with a psychologist today. I had a few visits with her 2 years ago when my marriage failed. I have to wait 2 weeks to see her. I can feel my despair building up again. It's consuming my life.

[Banshee]

Narellan,

Mine is 10 days too! and your thoughts are EXACTLY like mine with the hopes ... . dang I'm thinking my ex won't contact either ... but just like and your reason wanting him to contact is once again exactly my thoughts too!

7 weeks yesterday and the need to break NC is back. I'm feeling overwhelmed with sadness and anger.

My question to this is what would you say?

I thought about it and this is what I would text  ... I'm coming by to see you this weekend and then wait for a response...

I'm not but it's right there... I'll fight it with all I have.

[Narellan]

I want him to break the NC. Thats the all important thing for me. I want him to show up at my door begging for another chance, so that i can say nothing, but close the door on him. Its a final closure thing for me. I really dont want to say anything to him. I just need to know he still thinks of me. And i want to reject him the way he has rejected me. Im so hurt to have lost him, but i never ever want him back in my life after how hes treated me. I suppose i would feel like im taking back some power if i get a chance to do this final rejection to him.

[Banshee]

Narellan, These are my frst few days of posts here... I feel your pain and understand to well

I seem to obsess over getting this contact and having that one exceptional one liner that will floor him and have him realize how bad he messed up and he's finally lost me. I know this is selfish... after the one liner I would go strictly no contact (this is what my mind says) from that point on.If it was months before he text me I would have to answer only because I've threatened to change my number and or block him (for me bc he's not doing the contact)... I want him to know I wasn't that weak.

I'm probably going about this all wrong... it has been 10 months total for us and I feel it's the only way I'll get some dignity back. I'm on day 3 now and it seems forever away just to get back up to the 10 I once had.

I feel he holds my dignity I carelessly gave to him... I want it back through the same pathetic  actions I gave it to him.

[Narellan]

Yes Banshee. Exactly my thoughts.

That classic one liner, or final exit for me occupies my thoughts. I am prepared for it, which is good. But then more and more let down that i cant exit from this by having the upper hand.

I feel humiliated by him, so i want to get even by rejecting him face to face when he comes back to recycle.

The thought that he wont try to pains me further.

[myself]

I was thinking what she is up to... .

When you focus more on what YOU are up to, it gets much better.

so that i can say nothing, but close the door on him.

Staying NC accomplishes this.

Why resort to an eye for an eye?

Revenge is not the best form of closure.

[Banshee]

Revenge is not the best form of closure.

I want to see and feel it this way... This will come in time I'm sure but the overwhelming need to take back what someone purposely destroyed that was giving with love surly has to go through a phase before I can realize that... . One thing that I hold on to is reading so many times about their thinking is so different than ours... Most likely he won't feel the same rejection i did and it would be pointless.

[Narellan]

Thats so true Banshee. "he wont feel the same rejection i did and it would be pointless"

But mine thinks we are still friends. Thats what i agreed to in our last contact. And i think he will feel something if thats not the case. I dont really think of it as revenge, more taking back control over the bullsh#t.

But then id probably feel guilty afterward. Im not a mean person at all. Then id probably text to apologise. Lol its made me rethink all that now. Best if he never does come back at all. Maybe its a blessing in disguise that he and my ex best friend have each other.

[sirius]

At this point I feel very much like Narellan and Banshee too however I have restrained myself from anger... .

I was thinking to put it up to her face all the evidence of cheating I gathered for the past 12 years when she was with me and to hurt her as a closure and I think again, that will hurt me to hurt someone I used to love. So, I decided not to confront her or talk or even see her for any reasons would be the best closure for me. As like one of my dogs that went missing, one day she left, no clue and no warnings after staying with me for 9 years, I rescued her from an abusing owner, no matter how long or how much I went to search and try to find her, she is gone. I was angry and felt how ungrateful that was, over the years, I accepted it and only leaves the good thoughts in my mind about it.

At this point in time, I am still hurt, ashamed and bruised mentally, somehow I chose not to be like her no matter how much I want her back, I am moving forward away from her no matter how long or how it it takes not because I was hurt, because I have given her the best I could all the 12 years I was with her, I have done my best for her and I will not let her

hurt me anymore.

It will be difficult because not only we had tormented times with them, we also shared happy and meaningful times together, I want the good to remain as memories knowing I will not have her back again.

[Narellan]

  Sirius xx

[Banshee]

It will be difficult because not only we had tormented times with them, we also shared happy and meaningful times together, I want the good to remain as memories knowing I will not have her back again.

[sirius]

Thanks Banshee and Narellan... .

It's been like 12 or 13 days now NC? I lost exact count of it.

Went to visit my mom yesterday... . took a 3 hours drive... . reminded me and her again on our last trip there in December... . was sad remembering the conversation we had at that time

[Banshee]

Broke no contact on day 10 I suck.  but I do hate him... really I do!

[sirius]

Banshee... . seems the same result all them when we break NC... . isn't it?

Once in a while i had the urge to text and i lay down the phone and said to myself, wait another hour and the urge went off later... .

So he reach out for you or you texted him?

Weekends and holidays are the worst... .

[Banshee]

I did it... me all me

I've quit smoking and know that feeling of the urge passing... but with No contact ... I will be doing fine and then bam the urge... MINE doesn't pass, every time I've broke no contact it has been like that... Maybe I'm missing that pass link.

Yes one good thing is I found out he's seeing someone and just like I said  on another thread this was a step up for me.

I don't take ganders at my phone to see if he's texted.

I don't think about hmmm maybe he will contact by the weekend... tues... thurs... etc. I KNOW he won't have nothing to do with me while seeing someone else ( I would have never known this if it wasn't for this site) Thank you.

I can now get up and do something besides  sitting here like an old cat lady trying to ride it out ,hoping we could fix it.

My victory is  I left on a good note with class and dignity... that was for 2 reasons

1) If he never contacts me again I still have my dignity.

2) If he did contact me I would rip him to shreds like a rabid dog with one simple text! and block all his numbers.

#2 may change  to just ignore and never look back but that would depend on my mood and how much time has passed.

The worst part  of  breaking NC  for me, that was worse than knowing his with someone else , is the fact he kept saying he couldn't be with anyone right now because of his illness... I've heard this several times and I would  suggest  if your exBPD says this .twist their sentence just as they are so notorious of doing  and hear it for what it really means.

This is what their actually saying

I can't be in a realtionship with anyone that has knowledge of my illness.

[Narellan]

Do so true Banshee they can't be with anyone that has knowledge of their illness. My ex was so paranoid about what I was saying to other people all the time. Hated gossip. So do I, but I think more so he never wanted people to know the real him. And I am seeing the real him for everything it's worth now. No wonder he was paranoid. After our split he did a ring around most of my friends and made sure none of my family members were talking to me. This is to isolate me so I wouldn't have anyone to confide in. Purely conjecture in my part, but it's all falling into place now. Xx

[Banshee]

After our split he did a ring around most of my friends and made sure none of my family members were talking to me. This is to isolate me so I wouldn't have anyone to confide in. Purely conjecture in my part, but it's all falling into place now. Xx

This sounds so awful ... are things better now with your family and  friends?

Thank you so much for such kind words...

[Narellan]

Yes things are all restored with my family. He didn't paint me black to anyone, just rang them to make his point that he only ever wanted a friendship with me and to explain his side of the story. I only know this from reading his FB messages no one had mentioned him to me again, maybe he did bag me but I don't really give a toss. They're none of my best friends just acquaintances really. The only friend I lost was my best friend. And really that was no loss either now I look back.

[sirius]

Let me relate what just happened to me today, I am in NC since 21st April, today I went to see my therapist and he told me that he received a call from my uBPDexGF on 21st April, almost 2 weeks ago asking for information and he told her that he need to get my permission to be able to talk to her about me. So on the 21st April, i went to sign the disclaimer at the office and my T called her on 23rd April. Here's the conversation (i was only told about this today ):

T: Hello, Ms.BPD, I am mrT for Sirius, he has been our patient/client here for the past months and has been here every Sunday and fortnightly, how can I help you?

Ms.BPD: Ah... . so you are the T for Sirius eh? Do you know that he has gotten worst than before he went to you, please tell him to stop harassing me or I will take up a restraining order. ... . hang up

What the heck! what did i do? The last time on 20th April when I decided to go NC, I emailed her all the passwords and access that belonged to joined emails and account that we had because I don"t want it anymore and she can do whatever she wanted with it, I am so done with it.

To her, that is harrassement or what? It makes me more determine now that this person is beyond repair 

[Mutt]

Sirius, I'm sorry. Have you read information on BPD smear campaigns? She is distorting you to your T. Protect yourself, don't give her these opportunities.

[sirius]

Thanks Mutt, I know and my T also knows about it, the last time she called i was with my T and i put it on speaker phone so my T can listen to how she speaks to me and also the nasty text that accused me of being with another women at the very moment my T is sitting infront of me... .

I asked my T to go figure who has been harassing who?

[Mutt]

I consciously stay out of any situations with ex that would triangulate me or her. I get email bombs and I'm careful, I choose only what needs a response with the kiddos. I steer clear, she can't come to me to soothe herself for something that is happening to her in her life. Take care of you!