Were any of you the replacement?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Because I was. I feel I have to tell you all that, for the sake of brutal honesty, because I want to be welcome here but so many of you have been wounded by being replaced. And I was that enemy.

I knew them both. Him and his wife. He was unhappy but fun and funny. She was angry and mean and treated him like crap. Clearly, now I know why but at the time, I saw this sweet guy who (I thought) was being abused by his shrew of a wife. She and I weren't ever "friends" so to speak but we did hang out on occasion.

It was one reason that I excused so much of his behavior for such a long time. He had been in this "terrible" marriage, he had been treated so badly by her for so long that he was damaged and didn't know how to have a healthy relationship.

I haven't been replaced yet but I know it's coming. Karma at its finest.

[crookedeuphoria]

Because I was. I feel I have to tell you all that, for the sake of brutal honesty, because I want to be welcome here but so many of you have been wounded by being replaced. And I was that enemy.

I knew them both. Him and his wife. He was unhappy but fun and funny. She was angry and mean and treated him like crap. Clearly, now I know why but at the time, I saw this sweet guy who (I thought) was being abused by his shrew of a wife. She and I weren't ever "friends" so to speak but we did hang out on occasion.

It was one reason that I excused so much of his behavior for such a long time. He had been in this "terrible" marriage, he had been treated so badly by her for so long that he was damaged and didn't know how to have a healthy relationship.

I haven't been replaced yet but I know it's coming. Karma at its finest.

[LettingGo14]

Because I was. I feel I have to tell you all that, for the sake of brutal honesty, because I want to be welcome here but so many of you have been wounded by being replaced. And I was that enemy.

CE -- Be kind to yourself.  We're all replacements of some sort.  My ex-girlfriend had been married twice before.  Now she's replaced me with someone else.

You are working on your karma now.  You are working through these difficulties.  Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves keep us stuck.   I'm working hard to "feel the feelings and lose the story."

Let yourself grieve.  And be gentle with yourself.

[Popcorn71]

Looking back I can see that unknowingly, I was the replacement.

I met my exBPDh 4 months after his ex wife had left him for another man.  He told me how badly she had treated him.  She may well have done, but I can see why now.

I thought he was treating me so well but now I believe that he was actually just 'showing off' to his ex wife.  He was always too friendly with her and invited her to our house for family events, etc.  I thought he was just being civil for the sake of his grown up kids, but he was actually just rubbing her nose in it and showing her that he had replaced her with somebody younger, more attractive and that we had a better lifestyle than her.  He also kept saying things to make me believe that she wanted him back.  Now, I don't think this is true at all and I think he lied about a lot of things that were supposed to have been said.

Now he is out and about with the new replacement.  The funny thing is, this one is not a good catch at all.  He must be getting desperate!  Most people think he has gone nuts because he gave up a very good standard of living and a good wife, to live in a caravan with an ugly, common, uneducated woman and her unemployed son.  He is obviously being used as a meal ticket for this woman as he is providing everything they have (which isn't much).

It is quite sad really that a person could stoop so low and be with 'anybody' rather than be on their own, which is what my ex admitted to me.

[seeking balance]

Yes, unknowingly I was too.

We are rarely the first nor the last if this is a caping pattern your BPD partner follows - a very hard pill to swallow.

Lack of boundaries by both are how many of these relationships flourish so quickly.

[neverloveagain]

Yes im afraid i was a replacement too like we all have been on here. When i first started dating my BPDexgf she had me drive through the local village and low and behold a group of her 'old friends' one of them was a lad when he saw us in the car he got mad and shouted at us and made a run at the car, she seemed to enjoy his reaction, i thought he was just jealous. Now i know im him now.

[bunnyrabit]

I'm pretty sure I was. I asked her on the first night we met how long ago she broke up with her ex, she was really vague about it and said that they broke up every other week. So she probably didn't even properly break up with him when she started with me. One the first nights I came to her house, her ex had glued the keyholes of her doors shut. I remember thinking, what a douche, now I realize that this poor guy was probably pushed over his limits and just lost it.

[Infared]

I'm pretty sure I was. I asked her on the first night we met how long ago she broke up with her ex, she was really vague about it and said that they broke up every other week. So she probably didn't even properly break up with him when she started with me. One the first nights I came to her house, her ex had glued the keyholes of her doors shut. I remember thinking, what a douche, now I realize that this poor guy was probably pushed over his limits and just lost it.

Yeah... when I met mine she was living with someone (long term),and  having an affair with a married guy.  I met her in this temporary seasonal work situation where I would see her a couple times a week in the spring for about 3 months.  I clearly saw her anger and abuse but I fell for the-guy-she-is-living-with-must-be-a-jerk syndrome, too. LOL? Her seductive powers were quite great... . I was just friends and acted as a father figure to her.  I clearly have my own part in it though... . boy can I see it now... . I witnessed all that and dove in thinking it wouldn't happen to me.  She came on to me and I told her I would not date her until she moved out and left her "dead" relationship.  That poor guy REALLY got the full treatment... . and so did I 5 years later. BOY did I get it!  I was now the hero-turned-into-a-monster person (of course not until she had securely hooked someone else... . but I have to realize that I was not healthy as I was attracted to and entered into that situation willingly.   Sometimes I can sit back and laugh about it (but not often).  With BPD's it's all about replacements. Any attention is good attention.  I keep telling myself that she was a sick... . some days I own that and other days I do not.  I will never know how many infidelities she had while with me... . I am a trusting, faithful guy.  Silly putty to a BPD.