Just as I'm detching, she reaches out

[Lion Fire]

Today is the first day I've been feeling resolute and composed about things and she reaches out! "can you talk?"

I haven't contacted her in anyway for a week. In that time I received 2 snide texts from her telling me to leave her sick father and family alone. I ignored these.

I'm at a loss what to do. Should I blank her again and risk a deluge of texts that will follow or simply reply that I am not ready to talk and need to be left alone?

That old familiar anxiety has hit me again.

I've turned my phone off for now.

Anyone experienced in this who can offer me some guidance?

Peace

[bunnyrabit]

I think only you can know best whether to have contact or not. It seems to me, from what you're writing here, that you're doing better with NC.

If this is the case, you can tell her that you don't want her to contact you because it interferes with your healing process. She should be able to understand this, as it is a very clear message. If she doesn't comply you can always block her number etc... .

It all depends on what you feel is best for you, set up firm boundaries and adhere to them.

[AwakenedOne]

LF,

Yeah like Bunny Rabbit said, only you know what to do with this, you will have to live the life.

I will share one possible choice you could make though:

1. Be at peace and thankful that you got to talk to her father / your friend one last time and be at peace with the fact there is no unfinished business left to attend to with her. Next proceed NC and detach since by your own words her last two texts were snide. She will text you over and over and then will call you the cause of everything wrong in the world (how bad you are etc... . ) then after you don't respond to any of it only you know what she will do next... .

*Remember you talked to her ex last week right? Is she going to change considering you and him went through this same stuff? Is it best to get out while there is no child born or chaos happens? You said your feeling good today right?

Regards,

AO

[Narellan]

NC is the only way. The two abides texts didn't get a reaction so she's trying a calmer approach. Someone on this board said " it's like playing pokie machines. If you pull the handle 10 times and get nothing you move on to another machine. But if the machine pays out even a little bit on the ninth pull, you try it for a bit longer" that's a good way of looking at why NC works. It's so very hard goes against all out instincts but were not dealing with normal here and it seems from everyone's words of wisdom on here that NC is the only way to get them out of our lives. Got to be cruel to be kind. Xx

[Lion Fire]

Thank you for the guidance... .

For me, there is no doubt that NC is the best way. I do not feel safe in any way with her and I know for certain that contact with her will suck me into confusion and entanglement again.

I took time to reflect and then sent a calm and simple text to her this morning to say that I am not ready to talk. I was non confrontational and there was no room for any misunderstanding.

I feel empowered today. Onwards... .  

[Lion Fire]

... . of course, I received several messages immediately to tell me that I'm selfish and never there for any other human being. She told me to get my head sorted... that was funny 

I have blanked these 

[bunnyrabit]

... . of course, I received several messages immediately to tell me that I'm selfish and never there for any other human being. She told me to get my head sorted... that was funny 

I have blanked these 

of course we, nons are the selfish ones 

[Lion Fire]

yeah, like "you must man up, you are unbelievably selfish, sort your head out" etc... . are the kind of messages that make me want to engage with her and be "friends". Emmm, I don't think so 

[bunnyrabit]

yeah, like "you must man up, you are unbelievably selfish, sort your head out" etc... . are the kind of messages that make me want to engage with her and be "friends". Emmm, I don't think so 

hahaha, exactly, she could be like your incessant insult-spewing bestie 

[Indigo Sky]

No contact! The sooner the better!

[Lion Fire]

yeah, like "you must man up, you are unbelievably selfish, sort your head out" etc... . are the kind of messages that make me want to engage with her and be "friends". Emmm, I don't think so 

hahaha, exactly, she could be like your incessant insult-spewing bestie 

Aye, a best friend punch bag.

The good thing is that every interaction I have with her totally confirms that she is not the fantasy "soul mate" I thought she was which is always the main hook. The illusion of the grooming phase 

The dreadful far outweighs the good memories and that's the reality

[Lion Fire]

Indigo Sky, that's where I am. It's NC.

Aside from telling her by text that I did not want to talk in response to her reaching out, I haven't contact her in any way.

[rougeetnoir]

Hey LF,

I've enjoyed your posts (which I've followed pretty closely) and I think you've got your head on straight (for whatever that is worth), so keep it up.

good luck,

rougeetnoir

[Split black]

Today is the first day I've been feeling resolute and composed about things and she reaches out! "can you talk?"

I haven't contacted her in anyway for a week. In that time I received 2 snide texts from her telling me to leave her sick father and family alone. I ignored these.

I'm at a loss what to do. Should I blank her again and risk a deluge of texts that will follow or simply reply that I am not ready to talk and need to be left alone?

That old familiar anxiety has hit me again.

I've turned my phone off for now.

Anyone experienced in this who can offer me some guidance?

Peace

Run... . never waiver... . never look back... . or you're keep dealing with a cheating, lying, manipulating, back stabbing, self centered totally insane person until your head explodes... . that has everyone fooled except you.

[LuckyNicki]

Today is the first day I've been feeling resolute and composed about things and she reaches out! "can you talk?"

I haven't contacted her in anyway for a week. In that time I received 2 snide texts from her telling me to leave her sick father and family alone. I ignored these.

I'm at a loss what to do. Should I blank her again and risk a deluge of texts that will follow or simply reply that I am not ready to talk and need to be left alone?

That old familiar anxiety has hit me again.

I've turned my phone off for now.

Anyone experienced in this who can offer me some guidance?

Peace

Run... . never waiver... . never look back... . or you're keep dealing with a cheating, lying, manipulating, back stabbing, self centered totally insane person until your head explodes... . that has everyone fooled except you.

This.

I am trying to run away as far as possible.  Everything he said is literally what I have to run away from. 

The  only problem is that I feel castrated still by how everything went down.  Shes with an ex now.   

I keep telling myself to run away!

[Lion Fire]

Hi Luck Nicki,

I know the feeling you have so well.

It has taken time for me to get some composure and by no means has it been easy.

What has worked for me so far is:

-staying close to these boards. This has been the golden key

-sharing my troubles with friends and family-reaching out and sharing my intense pain to trusted people has shown me how much I am loved and supported

-remembering the bad times-I made a long list which made the case for staying away from her undeniable.

-being under no illusions about the "good times" and ALWAYS reminding myself of the dreadful times when I slip into nostalgia

-remaining NC or have a little contact as possible

-following guidance from more experienced members and commit to a healing process

-grieving and moving on, a day at a time.

-taking my power back and focusing on rebuilding my life

-looking at the whole experience as a painful but great lesson


It has been a month today since we split and what happened before that day and since has been absolutely disgusting. I have never experienced anything like it!

I can tell you, my BPD radar will be fully alert on entering my next relationship 

Be strong, brave and hopeful