over a year on and birthdays coming up...

[Calm Waters]

Its over a year now since my EXBPDGF dumped me and sent me into a spiral of despairr after her suicide attempt. I am largely recovered but still think of her often and wish we could of at least maintained occasional contact. We both have birthdays ion May she will be 55 on the 17th and I am 56 on the 15th, another thing we had in common like so many that in the early part of our relationship seemed to bode well. This time last year I was in turmoil as to whether to send a card or a present, in the end i didnt but at the end of may sent her something she had asked me to find for her on ebay before we split, i put in a card, all it said was... .

I am so sorry

when i lost you I lost my mind for a while

please forgive me

In hindsight i had nothing to apologise for, in reality I had done nothing wrong apart from be human and have a breakdown as a result of the tumultuous events she put me through, but I wanted some form of closure, i never received or expected a response.

So this year what will I do? I am trying to lead the best life I can without her and maybe i will light a candle to our lost love but i think it best i don't contact her in any way, its so sad.

[arjay]

Greetings. 

I am seven years out and every Thanksgiving I still reflect when she left, but now through healthy, adult eyes.  I DID have moments with her that were "over the top wonderful" and that became more of my focus than the MOSTLY periods of upheavil.   We did converse for a while via email and texts but I was continuing my work in counseling too, so I could see things differently.  After several months of more of the "up and down" stuff, I finally severed all ties, closed the email account and moved on.  The counseling was helping me, but the contact with her was keeping me stuck too.  Many here went through the push-pull, try it again, etc, deal.  We all come around in our time.  Some days were better than others too.  This board helped me to see the insanity of my situation. 

Yes I cried when it was done, and did so for many reasons.  I was in a fog for sure.  Today I see that period in my life as a transition; an awakening of a need to address some of my own issues that contributed to the "dance".

How about doing something for YOU this year.