He wouldn't have cheated.
He wouldn't have let me put him through construction school to get his license, knowing that he was cheating and was about to leave.
He wouldn't have let me form this company with him, and sink the last of my savings into it for 'us'.
He wouldn't still be lying about what he does in his spare time.
For my situation?
My stbexh HAS NO CONSCIENCE. He is text book anti-social.
He took whatever he wanted (affair, porn, I put him thru school for a year and worked full time with a 1 and 2 year old). His 'need to have toys' (motorcycles, guns, etc) ran the CC's up to the sky, keeping me working 2 sometimes 3 jobs to pay then down / off, only to be ran back up again.
And the lies, Lord have mercy, the lies and deception is the thread that holds that man together.
No, there is no conscience.
It is seared.
I am angry. I am furious. Finally. I am sitting here with this anger, and I am processing it in the best way that I can. This is a part of healing, and this is my lesson. But boy, does it ever hurt this morning. It hurts more than yesterday, more than last week, and waaaay more than last month.
I can't wait until it begins to hurt less. I know that I'll get there, but right now, today, it doesn't feel like it.
In time you will.
I was SUPER wizzed off at myself.
"How could you be so: Stupid, blind, Foolish, Gullible, Ignorant, Trusting... . "
I was harder on myself than him.
Now?
NONE of the crap was my fault or my doing.
Those were HIS choices, ones HE will have to give an account for.
That 'part' of the process... . was the worst for me.
Because I was SO hard on myself.
Moving forward?
I just keep my eyes open for behavior ques from people I work and interact with, and when the red flags go up? I adjust myself accordingly.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going thru... . it sucks like a Charm.
Just know, there is light at the end and it is NOT a train!
Praying for you now.