Ooops ... let my guard down

[Lion Fire]

Just need to share something... .

I let my guard down over the last few days and it feels like I've taken a step or two back in my healing process... .

In this time, I have been in light contact with my exBPDgf because her father died. I have offered a kind word and sympathetic ear while always maintaining firm boundaries in all conversations.

Yesterday, she friend requested me on FB and against my better judgement I accepted. I found myself checking her FB page and going into ruminations and feeling insecure again. I had a restless sleep on the back of this. There were thinly veiled defiant posts on her wall like "I'm free", "the world is mine again" and "I'm banishing destructive people from my life" which irritated and disturbed me . Im upset with myself for exposing myself and letting her get to me. I feel like I've let go of some of my power and given it to her.

As I have been healing, I've been feeling more composed, assured and resolute and I believe some complacency crept in. This has thrown me somewhat off centre today . I knew it was not a safe decision to accept her friend request but I went ahead anyway without doing any risk assessment. This again reveals certain weaknesses in me... . people pleasing, fear, unhealthy attachment, ignoring danger and not sticking to my decisions.

That said, it's done.

I've made a decision to just park it for a few days and stay off FB to see how things go for me. If the FB thing is hurting me, I will take action and unfriend her.

Onwards... . Just for today 

[Cimbaruns]

Lion Fire

You are a kind and thoughtful person by offering her your kind words during this difficult time.

It also sounds like it caused you to relax your boundaries a bit!

As you're feeling right now... . the FB thing is one way for them to allow you a sneak peak at where and what they are doing with their lives... .

The thinly veiled posts that you speak of can be both disturbing and cause you pain... .

I'm sure you un friended her before... . for just that reason. I thought that I had blocked any access in my case... . but she found me on Pintrest and when I opened  out of curiosity , I found similar defiant posts there! Her way of sending a message I guess... . a way to get at me.

I believe as many here will agree... . the social media thing can be very damaging and it's best not to open yourself up to that little bit of hurt.

Sounds like you have been making strides in your healing process LF... . that's awesome... .

My opinion... . you've been kind in offering her your support... . now it's time for YOU again... . to keep walking ahead and healing...

Kudos to you for your kind heart

Peace

[Lion Fire]

hiya Cimbarums,

there has always been some kind of drama or crisis in her life that she has drawn me into because she knows I'm a big hearted softy . A series of "critical" health issues, conflicts with others... . the list is endless.

Her current situation is certainly the most valid of all and of course I feel genuine compassion. True, I have let my boundaries relax a wee bit. The difference this time is that we are not a couple.

The challenge for me is to be kind and firm at the same time. To detach with love as they say   

Thank God we are in different countries!

I agree with the FB thing. This is a minefield that I don't need to cross.

Thank you for your support.

Bless