Oh I am soo stupid and weak

[itsnotme]

I have been nc with my my bpmom for months now. Well I guess it's been very very lc because I did send a birthday card and also wished her a merry Xmas via text. Well all week long I have been telling myself that I wouldn't acknowledge Mother's Day. It was my own children who wanted to know if I was going to wish my mother a happy Mother's Day. They know that I don't speak to her bc of her behavior and how she treats me and my family and they understand that but the sad look in their eyes when I told them no was so hard to take. They are only 9,8 &5 so they truly don't know the extent of this. So I caved and sent her a text just saying happy Mother's Day. She wrote bk thank u. Not you too (because I am also a mother) not happy anniversary (12 years today). I guess I thought maybe it would be different. Why can't I just accept it for what it is? Why do I have this stupid fairy tale in my head about my mother?  When she didn't send a card or call my for my bday or wished my and my family merry Xmas I should have gotten it then. Maybe, just maybe one day I'll be free

[Lise]

I can understand, why you are feeling the way you are, but really, I don't think it can be labeled as stupid and weak to still have hopes that your mother will act they way you'd like her too. I mean, you're not asking for much here: A sign of love and compassion, acknowledgement of significant moments in your life ... . that's what most parents are capable of, and for some reason it's hard to let go of the hope that maybe one day the BPD-mother will behave the way we've always been wishing for.

For me, the grief related to realizing that my BPD-mother would act like a BPD-mother, and not as a caring, loving parent, would leave me baffled and sad again and again, even though I "should've known better". And it probable really isn't any wonder.

So I could choose between recognizing her for what she really was, or blaming myself for hoping, labeling myself as childish or stupid. For a long, long time the latter seemed the less painful choice, resulting in me ending up with the same hurt, sadness and self blame repeatedly.

[Valley Quail]

Hi itsnotme,


I am sorry for the pain... . I understand how you feel. I was actually wondering if anyone else was having trouble with today being Mother's Day and the fairy tale we often wish we had and then you posted.

It is so frustrating, I know. The relationship with a mother is the one we're taught we should be safe in. And so it can be so discombobulating when that relationship is anything but safe. I too struggle with wishing it would be different.

I'll say it... . Happy Anniversary and Happy Mother's Day to you!