I've given up

[kharma]

Currently, I work from home, full time.

When I didn't have a job, my mother was always telling me to get one, and called me a bum and worthless. So, now that I do have one, she berates me and says that I'm no better than the bums on the street who get SSI, because I make as much as them but have to put in two time the effort. There is really no winning with her. My father is no better, he's very abusive, and calls me crazy for working from home. he goes on campaign denigrations and tells everyone how miserable he is that I live at home and blames me for all of his problems. I don't know what to do

[Kwamina]

Hi Kharma,

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. This is unfortunately how it often goes when dealing with someone who has BPD. No matter what you do or how well you do it, they’ll always find something to criticize you about. People with BPD are often very insecure and feel threatened easily and that might explain why you’re being treated this way. By bringing you down they can feel better about themselves. This behavior can definitely be very disheartening when you have to deal with it day in and day out. I understand why this can cause you to feel like you want to give up. As difficult as it can be, try to keep in mind that all the bad and mean things they say about you, aren’t a true reflection of you but only a reflection of your parents’ own inner turmoil. When your mum calls you a bum, she probably feels like a bum herself and bringing you down temporarily makes her feel like less of a bum. When your dad blames you for his problems, he in fact only showcases his own inability to solve his problems in a productive way. Instead he seeks a scapegoat and takes his frustrations out on you.

[HappyChappy]

Khama,

Sound awfull. They will purposly try and grind you down, knock your self essteam into the ground. This is how bullies keep you in your place, and keep you honoring them.

Don't let them grind you down. Find positive influences. Walk tall and remind youself, what's special about yourself - because the very people supposed to do that (your parents) arn't able to.

You need to give yourself a break. Keep out of their way until you can escape for good. Having been brought up in a vampires nest, I found that the only way to surive until I was 16. As someone who has his own business, you can often rent a desk at someone else office. Or use the libary for internet. Do voluntary work, and use their offices for your buisiness. Consider friends, partners etc... . You'd be amazed how helpfull people will be if you have a connection with them.

[czarsmom]

Hello Kharma,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  Is there any way you can live somewhere else, instead of with them?  It would be so healing to get away from that daily verbal abuse.  I know what it's like, I went through it myself.

[StarStruck]

Hi Kharma - Really try your hardest to stay strong and look to the future. One day you will be in a better position to have your own space. They are projecting their own rubbish onto you but you are your own person and this doesn't reflect anything about you and what you can achieve, really ask yourself what you want in life (whatever that is) and start working towards it (already sounds like you are, pat on back), not letting their negativity and at times maybe all out nastiness get in your way. Do you think it would help to talk to someone that knows these type of characters, to help keep you strong, like a counsellor? They maybe able to offer you ideas and methods for not letting them get to you... . may also provide you with the confidence to know you can survive this and go on to have a good life.  

Goodluck  

[kharma]

Thanks so much for the advice.  This site is the only place that gives me supportive advice and gives me the courage to keep going.

The campaign denigrations--he calls up relatives and moans and complains how I am in my room too much, and that I'm a nutcase(I have no idea what the relatives are saying in response; I wonder if they realize he's crazy/abusive) Anyway,  I spend a lot of time in my room because I work from home, and when I retreat to anywhere else in the house, he's there to complain, give out verbal jabs and cause me misery. My room is my only place of refuge. I have no one else to turn to, nobody in my family is in a position to help me

I've spoken about my mom and she's just as bad. She goes on rages and likes to control me. She doesn't want me to leave and seek happiness.

[kharma]

My father also plays all this sad gospel music and moans about how depressing this situation is even though he puts major obstacles in my way that prevent me from getting ahead. I'm desperately trying to find a way out of this house and all this misery

[Sunnys Blues]

My father also plays all this sad gospel music and moans about how depressing this situation is even though he puts major obstacles in my way that prevent me from getting ahead. I'm desperately trying to find a way out of this house and all this misery

You CAN do it!  I lived 13 years, after my father died, with my uBPD mom. It took a change in therapists, to get me gone from her. I joke, that I packed up my chihuahua, took a few clothes, and as much of my belongings that fit in the back of my small truck and left. It wasn't easy. The hardest part was deciding- I am a good person, and I don't deserve to be the punching bag for my mom. Literally. Some of the things my mother did and said to me would be considered war crimes!

I found, once I was out of the situation, I could actually THINK. I realized, I paid all the bills, I cleaned the five-bedroom house, and the only thanks I got was a constant tirade of what a horrible daughter I was, I was a slut, I wasn't using the education SHE paid for, etc. and so forth.

I will send positive thoughts your way that you can move on, quickly, and be the person this universe wants you to be, not the person your parents have mistaken you for. 

(On the sorta funny-sad note, my mother frequently told me the "homeless people" on the street were better than me. I told her- yes, they were better off than me, because they didn't have to listen to their mother talk $hit to them. I barely ducked before she threw the vase at me.  I don't recommend this approach, but it does make me giggle now.)

[HappyChappy]

Kharma

You will find a way out. Just a matter of time. Begin with small steps. Reward yourself for achieving those steps. So for example, you've got employment and an income - fantastic. In fact that's more a great leap forward, than a small step. Have a look at websites that help you build your self esteem - to counter all the negative rubbish from your N. Go Kharma !