custody eval and a twist

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

We are currently going through a custody eval. I am trying to get more time during the school year because ex doesn't help them with their school work. Ex's countermove was to ask for the majority of the summer. We currently have a week on/week off summer schedule. That has worked well for the past 4 years with no incidents except the time it takes to get it in an email agreement. In the beginning she would try to change things last minute or try to do one month at a time. The court order is week on/week off so once the first month, actually first week,  is figured it is simple to figure out from there.

Yesterday I receive an email from my exsweetheart asking me if I can take the boys for the entire month of June. I reply that I would like to have the entire summer schedule done at one time. She indicated previously that she had a summer schedule which she figured out in February. I ask for that. She replies that she will not be in the country during June and she decided that the summer schedule will not begin until she comes back ? Not really sure where she is going with this. I reply that is fine and that I would like to know what her summer schedule proposal looks like so I can make plans for the boys and I. Haven't heard from her since. I think a few gears in the cranium have some broken cogs.

[david]

We are currently going through a custody eval. I am trying to get more time during the school year because ex doesn't help them with their school work. Ex's countermove was to ask for the majority of the summer. We currently have a week on/week off summer schedule. That has worked well for the past 4 years with no incidents except the time it takes to get it in an email agreement. In the beginning she would try to change things last minute or try to do one month at a time. The court order is week on/week off so once the first month, actually first week,  is figured it is simple to figure out from there.

Yesterday I receive an email from my exsweetheart asking me if I can take the boys for the entire month of June. I reply that I would like to have the entire summer schedule done at one time. She indicated previously that she had a summer schedule which she figured out in February. I ask for that. She replies that she will not be in the country during June and she decided that the summer schedule will not begin until she comes back ? Not really sure where she is going with this. I reply that is fine and that I would like to know what her summer schedule proposal looks like so I can make plans for the boys and I. Haven't heard from her since. I think a few gears in the cranium have some broken cogs.

[ForeverDad]

I filed for majority time listing several items.  I was surprised that the order mostly ignored the documents I included in my filing.  If they weren't mentioned during the testimony then the magistrate seemed to be willing to ignore them.  One of my requests was to recalculate child support.  We didn't discuss it, lawyer said we didn't want to have it seem to be about the money.  So when I got majority time during the school year the magistrate said financials weren't provided so CS couldn't be calculated.  Huh?  In the past ex has never provided her income and so the court just used minimum wage as the imputed income.  So why couldn't imputed wages be used again?  And the lack of reimbursement was never discussed so that was shelved too.

Since there were some items showing son did better in attendance and schoolwork with me, I got majority during the school year.  As good as that was, it was frustrating that in 30 minutes back in 2005 ex got temp custody and left me with alternate weekends and 3 hours in between with nothing bad documented against me - and no change for summers.  But when I got majority and mother was seen in a bad light she got alternate weekends and 12 hours (2x6hrs) in between  - and kept equal time in summers for "one more try".  Yes, the order literally says "one more try" for equal time summers, as if I would want to go back to court yet again for another year and a half to fix that?

Now that I've written that I have to figure out how that ties in with your current issue with summers.  Maybe this... . My lawyer said to be happy with majority time during the school year.  So, unless my ex gifts me time I will try to do as my lawyer always says when I complain about a problem, "Then why did you deviate from the order?"  So stick to the order.  If the order gets changed to give you more time during the school year then still try to keep the equal summers.  My court viewed school year versus summer schedule as almost separate issues.  If she gifts you extra time, fine, but remember that trades can get sabotaged.

[david]

Our courts seem to view summer time and school time separately too. It was easy to get week on/week off for the summer.

She replied with a proposal today. I haven't looked at it closely yet. I believe from what she wrote that she gave me the month of June and split July and August 50/50 to follow the court order. I have to look at the details to make sure that is what she really proposed. The thing is it is the opposite of what she petitioned for. She mentioned she is going out of the county with her brothers and they are paying the bill. I think she is on an upswing because of the attention and the kids are not important right now.

[ForeverDad]

I told my lawyer that I would have preferred alternate weeks (7/7) rather than split weeks (5/5/2/2) during the summer.  I had been recalling the CE who had said years ago that 7/7 was for older children.   Lawyer responded to leave it as is, not to give any indication I was okay with my ex having longer visits with our son.  With our son now a preteen, I don't see it as such a major issue but I could see his logic.

[david]

Our boys are 15 and 10 now. I spent time a few years ago teaching them how to take care of themselves in different situations. They help me cook, clean, etc. I taught them more than I would have at their age but I figured it was important. It has helped. I still do that but I introduce less things now.