Miss her tonight

[Jb101]

Shouldn't, but I do.

Tried going on a date yesterday, all I could think about was her :-(

[Jb101]

Feels so retarded. I've rationalised all the crap she did and can see how evil it was now. I was starting to get so much better. And now I've crashed back almost to square one.

[AwakenedOne]

jb101

Sorry your hurting.  Hang in there it will get better. I looked at some of your old posts. So you and your ex are NC now right? Seems like she wasn't very nice to you either from what I read. You didn't like the girl you dated yesterday? There is someone out there that's nice and will love your right?

AO

[Narellan]

Sounds like you're in a sad place ATM JB . Sounds too soon for you to date. You might be trying to push away the pain but it will just keep cropping up if you don't go through it.

Be kind to yourself. We all relapse, it's still a roller coaster if emotions even with them out of our lives. Just when u think you're going ok something creeps in and knocks you flat again doesn't it? I've had my first T appointment today and so I've talked all about him. It's a sad day for me now too. Seeing the T was good, but he's so much on my mind. I really miss the man I believed he was. I miss being loved so fully.  I'm home alone tonight and because I feel sad already I'm avoiding having a wine. I'm going up to get a DVD and fish and chips, just to get me out of bed.take care of yourself xxx

[Jb101]

Thank you :-) yeah, I'm not ready. Thought I was, and I'm very lonely atm, but last night proved it was too soon. We used to love going out and I've taken her to virtually every nice place in town, so they all remind me of her... .

How was seeing a therapist? I'm worried if I do I'll let it become an even bigger part of my thinking when I desperately don't want to think about her...

[Narellan]

You're going to do that anyway ... . Think about her I mean.

Yeah it was really good. She gave me a few tips, I laughed a but actually when I heard myself telling her some things that had happened. They just sounded so bizarre. Like I hadn't really been there. It felt good just getting a different perspective . What I want to talk about next time is me and why I was with him. Really feeling like I dodged a bullet today afterwards, but still miss the loving adoration a and being with him. He is the funniest man I've ever met and I've never laughed so much. The highs were way too high, and consequently I'm devastated by the lows that keep coming. I'm still NC almost 9 weeks.

My ex best friend is continuing to try to rekindle our friendship, but that ship has sailed. It's also really sad for me when she texts. Ill move on from all this. Not quickly mind you. It's really a struggle to keep him off my mind. Memories everywhere. I know what you mean.

[Emelie Emelie]

Hey JB - After my first BPD break up I started dating right away.  Two weeks later.  Great guy.  Who only made me miss him all the more.  I didn't want to "start over" again.  I wanted the intimacy and routine I had with him.  This time around I think I need to wait a bit.   :'(

[55suns]

Jb... . I was there for the last 4-5 days but today I woke up happy for no particular reason for the first time in a very long time. Can't explain it and don't want to, but just for some commiserating kinship, , tomorrow is another day.   Best of luck... . and for what it's worth, my T has really helped me over the last 4 months

[Banshee]

Well I'm glad some  of ya'll went on dates with these nice ppl and just wasn't ready... Why did I have to go out with a goofball? It just made me miss the ex more, thinking gawd is this is what's out there? haha... I still give the "stank face" when a girlfriend reminds me of this date

Hang in there JB the time will come when you get out there and enjoy yourself ... I'm still hanging out at the house and it's been 3 months so I feel ya