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Accepting compliments..
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Topic: Accepting compliments.. (Read 2013 times)
corraline
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #30 on:
May 21, 2014, 11:21:33 PM »
i know this is off topic but speaking of children mirroring us... .
my teenage daughter is experiencing her second relationship. the first one didnt go so well. he was lying all of the time and out of control. involved with the police for raging and threatening others and all sorts of things. Apparently been hospitalized for issues that are related to mental illness. He is 17, so is my daughter. She ended her relationship with him pretty quickly which i am proud of but that is unfortunately not the end of this story.
last night she told me more, this ex of hers is harassing her, stalking her new boyfriend threatening to come to his high school and beat him up, contacting my son, threatening to go to the father of my childrens work place and beat him up. He told my daughter that he would hurt any boy she likes. i went to the police station last night. i can't do anything third party apparently. its up to the individuals threatened to report him. i have told my children to block him and not respond to his threats or abuse. my daughters comment to me last night was "guess we know how to pick em, hey mom?." that just scares the living daylights out of me.
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froggy
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #31 on:
May 22, 2014, 01:07:16 AM »
corraline
I did the one thing for my daughter that I'd wished my mother had done for me.
I warned her. ... warned her that she would attract and be attracted to guys like her dad.
I told her to ask herself. ... is he like my dad?
She has already had one BPD attracted to her and he has used the same threats as your daughters xbf... . and she never dated this guy... he was a friend of her brothers and we are friends with his dad so he was here a lot.
He recently assulted his landlady and has pled guilty for atempted murder.
She saw through him so steered clear of him from the beginning.
I really should have had this chat with my son too as he's had one long distant girlfriend who I'm pretty sure was uBPD... . he has his own isues pretty sure he is bipolar2 and has severe A.D.D.
I always joke with them that I inherited a large neon sign (my mother and sisters have it too) that only disordered men can see... . I tell her that's why the weird ones stare. ... takes them time to read the sign
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Tolou
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #32 on:
May 22, 2014, 01:43:08 AM »
I think I can take a compliment, maybe sometimes it is a little embarrassing to receive praise for something, maybe it is because I am getting attention for something that is viewed as positive, as opposed to negative.
I find it troubling that many people find it easier to accept or beleive the negative or bad things people say, rather than the good. Maybe it is something from our FOO? Quite possible.
I think I definetly grew up in a dysfuntional environment, didn't realize it until I got older. But when you grow up in that, that was my normal, it is what I knew and was very familiar with. As I look back to many of the friends I made and women I had relationships with, I only now see after the realtionship with my BPDex, all the things I ignored about my own issues and problems that I never dealt with.
Accepting compliments is something that we should be able to do I guess with a sense of humility and humbleness, that something about stands out to someone else, and why not believe that, or just try too. If someone is throwing us compliments with other intentions in mind, thats another story. But I find that when I enjoy someones company especially a female, I want to compliment them, on many things, because it feels good to know that someone recognizes something about you that you may not be able to see in yourself. What took place in some of our FOO's, like mentioned, was not in our control, but learning how to accept a compliment that is genuine, is something we can learn to deal with in a good way.
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Ihope2
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #33 on:
May 23, 2014, 03:42:31 AM »
Thanks for raising this subject!
Funny isn't it, how it actually all revolves around validation. Many of us were very invalidated in childhood, and have subsequently been following a childhood script to seek validation desperately, especially from those who are unable to give it to us. And then when some people do want to compliment us, we are unable to accept the positive words about ourselves!
I have been a terrible acceptor of compliments, but a good giver of same to others!
Somehow it always felt like I didn't quite deserve praise and recognition, because I hadn't performed well enough for it. And yet, I still carried on jumping through hoops to get praise.
I was a very good little scholar up until the age of 15 when we moved abroad to a totally foreign country for 4 years. Until that time, I was getting good grades and did not give my parents anything to worry about. I would hardly go out, I would sit at home all day after school doing my homework all by myself. Very low-maintenance little child.
Skip high-school which I barely scraped through, but hated myself for not coping every day of those 3 years.
Then again when I finally got to study for a degree in my twenties, I again applied myself like crazy and spent all my student days studying hard. I never went out, or went to parties or anything. I was craving my father's approval for studying so hard,but it hardly ever got given to me.
I started running long distance in my early twenties, and I developed anorexia nervosa. I ran high mileage every week and barely ate a thing. I tried to run faster and faster times and I craved the admiration of others for being such a disciplined runner! But when people did notice me, I felt embarrassed and I also felt like I was a very weird young woman. Which woman in her twenties is devoted to books and running? What about boyfriends and hanging out with friends? I just felt like I was damaged and weird.
In my thirties and well into my forties, I stepped up my sport and in between some dysfunctional relationships with emotionally unavailable men, and holding down a job that really does not speak to my purpose in life and my interest (but pays the bills and gives financial independence!), I had a punishing training regime. I biked, I ran ultra marathons, I swam. I entered every running event I could find, and I dedicated four years of my life to taking part in Ironman triathlon events. Still I did not feel good enough. Still my self-worth was very low. People at work used to say "Wow, you did Ironman" and I used to feel nice for a brief moment, and then just cringe with embarrassment and again feel very weird about myself. What woman in her mid to late thirties spends all her leisure time training like mad for sports events, and doesn't even have a social life to speak of? Women of that age are raising kids and doing the family thing and are in committed and stable relationships. And here I was, a weird loner of a woman, with my sport to keep me busy and not much of a life in other ways.
During that time, I also attracted two Narcissistic boyfriends into my life, the one was very short-lived as he evidently didn't think I was in his league. The second man was in my life for two years, and he also did a bit of sport with me, but he would turn my sporting achievements against me, and be very jealous of me, and belittle me for being "obsessed" with running and not having any time for other people. He did not see how socially withdrawn I am, and that I am extremely introverted. He just resented the fact that I would not attend his work functions and go and hang out at bars with him and drink copious amounts of booze, like he did. So he belittled me for two years, and this made me feel even worse about myself at the time.
So I can really relate to the inability to accept compliments and having people treat me kindly. I also have problems accepting gifts and kind gestures and assistance from others. I always have this urge to provide assistance to others, but I freeze up when others want to help me in some way.
I do not want to be like this any more. I would like there to be more balance in my life and in my interactions with others. Why should I not deserve to have nice things said about me? I am a lovable enough person and I mean no one any harm. Like everyone else, I also need to feel validated and accepted. And I should not have to feel pressured to "perform" and to jump through ever higher hoops in order to get people to like me and say kind things to me!
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Grey Kitty
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #34 on:
May 23, 2014, 10:57:31 AM »
Quote from: Turkish on May 16, 2014, 08:31:43 PM
I've actually had trouble when some people were complimenting and supporting me on this site, if you can believe that.
Turkish, I'd like to complement your bravery and honesty posting this.
OK, I'll take my tongue out of my cheek now. It really is a powerful to admit how deep something like this goes!
I've got one other thought for those of you having trouble accepting compliments... . this is something I learned from my pwBPD and these boards:
If you believe a low opinion of yourself... . (My wife's example: "I'm fat and ugly" or "You think I'm fat and ugly" Then a compliment that doesn't agree with that ("You are beautiful" is invalidating. It is telling you that YOUR BELIEF IS WRONG!
Hearing that challenge to your beliefs is hard. Since we are non's, we don't respond as badly as the pwBPD in our lives, but the basic mechanism is still there, and that makes it hard to accept a compliment.
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Turkish
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #35 on:
May 23, 2014, 11:18:15 AM »
Quote from: Ihope2
I also have problems accepting gifts and kind gestures and assistance from others. I always have this urge to provide assistance to others, but I freeze up when others want to help me in some way.
I've been, frankly, an invalidating jerk in the past with regard to this. I also spurned some gift-giving gestures from my uBPDx (wrong thing to do to a Borderline, they may also need to feel needed, and this was a huge dysfunctional dynamic in our r/s).
I'm just a hard guy to give a gift to. If I want it, I'll just buy it. Why do I need someone else to "take care" of me? Perhaps because being the latchkey kid of a single mother who worked nights, I learned to take care of myself from a young age. I grew up far too fast. A large part of this may be my resentment at not being taken care of as a child. So what am I doing, Projecting?
With my uBPDx, this went to an even further extreme. Being Parentified as a little girl, it is part of her "lost childhood" that she referred to.
Quote from: Grey Kitty on May 23, 2014, 10:57:31 AM
I've got one other thought for those of you having trouble accepting compliments... . this is something I learned from my pwBPD and these boards:
If you believe a low opinion of yourself... . (My wife's example: "I'm fat and ugly" or "You think I'm fat and ugly" Then a compliment that doesn't agree with that ("You are beautiful" is invalidating. It is telling you that YOUR BELIEF IS WRONG!
Hearing that challenge to your beliefs is hard. Since we are non's, we don't respond as badly as the pwBPD in our lives, but the basic mechanism is still there, and that makes it hard to accept a compliment.
Challenging one's beliefs, no matter how valid to the challenger, is invalidating to the target. This is a good reminder, and it's something we can take with us to improve our relationships with nons as well. Thanks for the insight, GK.
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corraline
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #36 on:
May 23, 2014, 11:19:53 AM »
I do my best with my children when they tell me they don't feel good about themselves about something or other. I don't want to invalidate their feelings, so i acknowlege by letting them know i hear what they are saying making sure that i am not telling them they are wrong but i might try the relating thing, and then i will tell them i see it differently. maybe point out some other perspective or encouragement that supports a different perspective for them. no hard and fast formula or big therapy session with them. just hearing how they feel helps them to feel better about themselves already. they don't need to feel bad for feeling bad
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seeking balance
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #37 on:
May 23, 2014, 11:27:50 AM »
I can relate to this - and after digging through the childhood stuff, processing my feelings, etc - here is what conclusion I came to:
Compliments from people not close to me feel manipulative - like they want something.
Compliments from people close to me were fine, etc some people close to me used those very things against me later.
Today, I take the compliment for what it is and make it about me - is it true?
IF so, say thank you and let go.
If not (realize it to myself), say thank you and let go. No need to JADE with this either.
It has been a conscious process starting in the very stages of a thread similar to this. What I also learned from being mindful with this is how to give a compliment and mean it - sincerely.
Great thread here!
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Narellan
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #38 on:
May 23, 2014, 05:20:45 PM »
This is such a great thread.
Turkish... . Can i ask you a question? Being minimalist and in the past a bit of a wanderer ( my exBPD) why do you think you can't accept gifts? My exBPD was exactly the same. He never was given gifts as a child due to parental money issues. After our first recycle I gave him a little cast iron friendship bird. The sentiment with these is they come in a set of 2 and in a tin. You give one to your best friend and you keep one for yourself. That way part of you is always with the other. When you look at the bird you are reminded of your friend. I bought this and gave one to my exBPD, reading out the sentiment behind it. He took his bird and said he had to leave. At the door I said " see you soon", and he said " that's if I ever come back"
He did, of course , but the panic in him was really obvious. He referred to the bird a few weeks later and told me where he'd put it at his home.
When he was about to go away for several months travelling, I bought him a hammock, to take on his trip, as he'd always wanted one. He didn't accept it. He said " please don't buy me gifts it freaks me out" so I returned it.
Being a minimalist I understand he doesn't like acquiring objects, is that how you see it? Or does it trigger him due to the emotions involved?
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Ziggiddy
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #39 on:
May 26, 2014, 10:46:40 PM »
this thread is just teeming with things to make me think and think.
Turkish
Quote from: Turkish on May 21, 2014, 11:08:57 PM
I also tell my son he is the best son ever ... . he once replied, " I know!" Hope I'm not raising little narcs
it must be a great feeling knowing your kids are being provided with so many useful tools to build their self esteem from a solid foundation. I wonder how many BPD mums have the added (semi/sub?) conscious knowing that they are not only abusing their kids, they are not providing them with self esteem? Some of them deliberately because they are like "Hah! I don't have any - why should you?"
I heard this great saying once - behind every great kid is a parent who thinks they're screwing it up"
Quote from: Turkish on May 21, 2014, 10:59:35 PM
That's the hard discernment, learning to tell the difference between healthy self esteem and the facade projected by a narcissist.
excellent point. I think it will be interesting in redefining this line as I improve in my emotional health.
Quote from: corraline on May 23, 2014, 11:19:53 AM
I do my best with my children when they tell me they don't feel good about themselves about something or other. I don't want to invalidate their feelings, so i acknowlege by letting them know i hear what they are saying making sure that i am not telling them they are wrong
just hearing how they feel helps them to feel better about themselves already. they don't need to feel bad for feeling bad
Well said and well done, corraline.
Narellan - I have gone back and reread this thread a couple of times but been so whelmed that I can barely address all that I feel!
In the OP you were referring to compliments and later someone (Turkish?) mentioned insults - the difference between them My closest friends are all the kind of people I can constantly make fun of and receive 'insults' from and leave feeling better and more welcome and accepted than the start. I guess it's a way of really pointing out someone's flaws/weaknesses in a way that says "I KNOW you're faulty and not only do I not care that you are imperfect, I will use those faults as the reason to SHOW you I don't care about you being imperfect." To me it's an amazing expression of bona fide love. And because it's dealt out on the things I dislike about myself (but not on the things I hate about myself - important distinction) then it provides me with an unbelievable security. Is this a paradox? When i think about it I'm like "What the hell?" My friend says "If your friends don't make fun of you then they're not really your friends" I thought about that a lot. And I think it is tied to why I don't trust compliments. Unless they are from someone who is willing to 'insult' me or call me on my odd things (ie Zig, you talk so loud that I can't hear the TV. Now quieten down and get me some of that cake. You make great cake."
It's the motive I guess. And the observation of the boundary. had he said "You talk too much" rather than "You talk too loud" I would've shut down walked away and not spoken to him for days.
I think BP's often offer up the compliment in one hand and while you are looking at the 'gift' with delight, use the other hand to slap you. And the other hand is slapping you stings twice as much because you were busy being delighted with the 'gift.' They hurt worse because they make us vulnerable.
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Turkish
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #40 on:
May 26, 2014, 11:30:29 PM »
Quote from: Narellan on May 23, 2014, 05:20:45 PM
This is such a great thread.
Turkish... . Can i ask you a question? Being minimalist and in the past a bit of a wanderer ( my exBPD) why do you think you can't accept gifts? My exBPD was exactly the same. He never was given gifts as a child due to parental money issues.
I thought I had answered this (thanks Zig, for reigniting the thread!).
What your T said had something to do with it, this my mom showered me with so many presents as a kid, my friends would look at old pics and call me spoiled. It wasn't that. Being the latchkey kid of a single mom who worked nights, I learned to take care of myself. Like I may have mentioned earlier, when I was 12, I went from a lower middle class existence to living circa 1890: no electricity, no plumbing, heating food on a camp stove. Luch would often be eating cold spaghetti (or whatever) from a dented can, because my mom liked to shop at a cannerey (basically a store which sold defective items which were sealed and healthy, but defective and therefore cheaper). We ended up losing the 25acres later due to my mom's severe depression. Lived in the cab over camper for a few years. It was not until I was 17 that she finally bought a house (which is currently falling down around her, and packed and filthy due to her hoarding). I moved out literally the day I turned 18 and could sign a lease. That was a little over 24 years ago. Never spent a night there since (and now can't, its horrible).
I resented that my mom, though she tried through her dX'd depression and several BPD traits, didn't provide for me (we'll leave aside never providing me a dad for another discussion)
.
Aside: when I was in college, some people would ask me, "do you bring your laundry home on weekends for your mom to do?" Lol, I started doing my an laundry at the laundromat when I was 12. YGTBKM! I thought any kid who did that was weak, and a momma's boy.
Fast forward to the mother of my children. I, wrongly, invalidated her. I had been on my own for 19 years before we moved in together. She's almost 11 years younger than I, and co dependently enmeshed with her family... I used to like semi high end watches. One year, she wanted to buy me one. I rebuffed (invalidated) her, saying to save her money towards something for the kids, or the house. Yes, leaving BPD aside, I was a jerk... for that I am truly sorry... . I'm generally a nice man, but I'm not above being an a hole sometimes. A guy who used to be kind of a father figure in my life wanted to throw me a birthday party a few years ago. I was a jerk then, too. I think birthday parties for adults are ridiculous, kind of narc. Yes, that is judgemental, and me projecting. My r/s with that man is damaged in large part due to my uBPDx, but also something to do with me, my lingering resentment over never having a father. It's sad, and I wish I knew a way to fix it. He's the dad of one of my best friends. Not without his own issues though... .
Anyway,.I hope you got something from that.
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Narellan
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #41 on:
May 26, 2014, 11:51:30 PM »
Yes I did, but it didn't answer my question.
Why can't you receive gifts?
The same reason as receiving a compliment?
Is it a control thing? That you'd prefer to see the money spent on other things, rather than be taken by surprise?
It's interesting that you're now a minimalist whilst your mums a hoarder.
Zig, there's so much that you raised that I have to think through before I respond.
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Turkish
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #42 on:
May 27, 2014, 12:12:37 AM »
Quote from: Narellan on May 26, 2014, 11:51:30 PM
Yes I did, but it didn't answer my question.
Why can't you receive gifts?
The same reason as receiving a compliment?
Is it a control thing? That you'd prefer to see the money spent on other things, rather than be taken by surprise?
It's interesting that you're now a minimalist whilst your mums a hoarder.
I took care of myself for so long that I resent people trying to take care of me... I can take care of myself, thankyouverymuch!
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Narellan
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #43 on:
May 27, 2014, 12:40:00 AM »
Haha yep I see
Does it make you angry or annoy you when people give you a gift?
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Turkish
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #44 on:
May 27, 2014, 12:50:18 AM »
Quote from: Narellan on May 27, 2014, 12:40:00 AM
Haha yep I see
Does it make you angry or annoy you when people give you a gift?
No one really gives me gifts. If I want something, I buy it. I think people get that about me. I'm a cumpulsiver reader. uBPDX got me a gift card for me e-reader for christmas, so at least she tried. Still haven't activatd it.
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Ihope2
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #45 on:
May 27, 2014, 06:18:45 AM »
Quote from: Narellan on May 23, 2014, 05:20:45 PM
This is such a great thread.
Turkish... . Can i ask you a question? Being minimalist and in the past a bit of a wanderer ( my exBPD) why do you think you can't accept gifts? My exBPD was exactly the same. He never was given gifts as a child due to parental money issues. After our first recycle I gave him a little cast iron friendship bird. The sentiment with these is they come in a set of 2 and in a tin. You give one to your best friend and you keep one for yourself. That way part of you is always with the other. When you look at the bird you are reminded of your friend. I bought this and gave one to my exBPD, reading out the sentiment behind it. He took his bird and said he had to leave. At the door I said " see you soon", and he said " that's if I ever come back"
He did, of course , but the panic in him was really obvious. He referred to the bird a few weeks later and told me where he'd put it at his home.
When he was about to go away for several months travelling, I bought him a hammock, to take on his trip, as he'd always wanted one. He didn't accept it. He said " please don't buy me gifts it freaks me out" so I returned it.
Being a minimalist I understand he doesn't like acquiring objects, is that how you see it? Or does it trigger him due to the emotions involved?
Hi Narellan,
When I read this post of yours yesterday, it got me to thinking. Perhaps receiving gifts is a trigger to your ex? Perhaps he goes into an "age regression" state when someone wants to gift him? Ie, back to the young boy, who never received any gifts however desperately he would yearn for a little gift here or there?
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Turkish
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Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #46 on:
May 27, 2014, 09:38:47 AM »
Quote from: Turkish on May 27, 2014, 12:50:18 AM
Quote from: Narellan on May 27, 2014, 12:40:00 AM
Haha yep I see
Does it make you angry or annoy you when people give you a gift?
No one really gives me gifts. If I want something, I buy it. I think people get that about me. I'm a cumpulsiver reader. uBPDX got me a gift card for me e-reader for christmas, so at least she tried. Still haven't activatd it.
I realized that I didn't really answer your question. Yes, it annoys me. Like one, I can take care of myself, what business do you have trying to take care of me; two, that perhaps on some level, I don't think I am worthy of it. That may go back to some deep-seated feeling that I don't think I am worthy of love. I'm certainly feeling that way these days. Logically, this is not true; everybody is worthy of love, even our BPD exes (are my kids not worthy of love because they act out and aggravate me sometimes? Of course not!). Emotionally, I may sometimes act out passive aggressively towards others... . like my pwBPD.
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Narellan
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1080
Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #47 on:
May 27, 2014, 01:40:23 PM »
That's interesting Turkish. It's hard for you to accept compliments and gifts. What about help? Can you accept help when needed?
I find compliments difficult, I'm uncomfortable with gifts almost embarrassed by gift receiving, but I love giving them. And I feel really useless if I have to accept help. I do everything myself. I'm a single mum so I do all the mum stuff plus all the dad stuff. I mow my own lawns, clean guttering, paint , garden, dig out trees. At the moment I'm about to do a stacker stone feature wall on my garden deck. I was forced to ask for help last week. I'd removed 8 trees by myself, but couldn't get all the roots out. Physically im 53 kgs, and even jumping repeatedly on a crowbar did not budge the roots. I hated not being able to do it myself. I hated accepting help.
In fact I've just realised its all in the word " accepting" I struggle with accepting anything.
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froggy
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Posts: 167
Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #48 on:
May 27, 2014, 06:39:18 PM »
I'm the same way... . I have no problem giving gifts or lending a hand when asked or giving compliments... . receiving all those things... . big problem... don't like to be perceived as weak so really don't like asking for help... . and living with someone who either wouldn't help me if asked or made a huge deal out of the effort needed to help... I just got use to not leaning on anyone.
My father was great at pointing out that I was useless as I was a female... so always wanted to prove him wrong. I can figure out most things if I have a book or the internet.
I rewire appliances. .refinished hatdwood floors... tiled... taped and mudded drywall... . helped with roofing... fixed the dryer... . ect.
We never had money so didn't get gifts as children. I appreciate them when I get them but don't really think people should spend money on me... "I" don't like spending money on me.
After reading I've now been consciously trying to accept thats you THEY see me even if I don't. I never really saw it as invalidating before so I'm now making an effort to accept them as intended.
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Turkish
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
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Dad to my wolf pack
Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #49 on:
May 27, 2014, 07:09:42 PM »
Quote from: Narellan on May 27, 2014, 01:40:23 PM
That's interesting Turkish. It's hard for you to accept compliments and gifts. What about help? Can you accept help when needed?
I find compliments difficult, I'm uncomfortable with gifts almost embarrassed by gift receiving, but I love giving them. And I feel really useless if I have to accept help. I do everything myself. I'm a single mum so I do all the mum stuff plus all the dad stuff. I mow my own lawns, clean guttering, paint , garden, dig out trees. At the moment I'm about to do a stacker stone feature wall on my garden deck. I was forced to ask for help last week. I'd removed 8 trees by myself, but couldn't get all the roots out. Physically im 53 kgs, and even jumping repeatedly on a crowbar did not budge the roots. I hated not being able to do it myself. I hated accepting help.
In fact I've just realised its all in the word " accepting" I struggle with accepting anything.
I used to be this way, even my uBPDx accused me of this (we knew what needed to be done, I shouldn't have had to say it... . probably triggered her lack of self worth). Throughout this past year, I have consciously done the opposite: reached out for help and support, and it feels great
I may have gotten some of it from my mom as well. She raised me as a single mom, making a conscious decision to be one by adopting me, at a time in the early 1970s when such things were highly controversial, despite the rise of feminist movement. She emancipated herself at 16, so was very independent. She was orphaned at 11 and fully at 14. I think she rescued me from foster care to do a little of what a lot of us here did with our Exes: parent our inner children who never got properly parented when they were our outer children.
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“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
unicorn2014
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Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 2574
Re: Accepting compliments..
«
Reply #50 on:
December 14, 2015, 04:22:00 PM »
Thanks for this thread.
Yeah, I'm highly uncomfortable when the pwBPD compliments me. I don't trust them. I don't want them complimenting me. I know that's my emotional mind speaking because of the previous verbal abuse and devaluation, yet at this point I'm still committed to staying, so I guess just have to say thank you and move on.
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