How far off the charts am I

[Natasha Tomicic]

I remain in some ways blind. And recognizing my own blind spots is an interesting challenge.  I hope Skip will allow me to do this.

If members here would so kind as to take that test and share your results. It would be greatly appreciated.

www.counseling-office.com/surveys/test_psychopathy.phtml

I read the boards, and recognize the craziness of dealing with BPD, as I dealt with it as well. It was intermittent and it was off the charts. Which is fine, it's over and done with. BUT, I see people here posting about the pain and agony, years and years after the fact. And that, is what I don't understand. I am not denigrating that at all, I simply don't understand. Those emotions and thought processes aren't part of my internal make up. I can relate easily to the anger, that is a given, but the others? No.

I do have emotions, they are very real, but they are also not the horrific downer that I read here and neither do they last overly long. They come they go, but lately, there has been none of that at all. The worst has been a bit of boredom, but nothing terrible as I keep busy with existence.

www.drru-research.org/data/resources/117/1-s2.0-S0191886913001311-main.pdf

Empathy, morality and psychopathic traits in women

I am asking for your help to compare and understand where and how far off the charts I am. One thing I am not is unaware, and neither am I looking for excuses. There aren't any. Same as was with my exH, however he delighted in Self Deception. And that is the crux and crucible from what I can tell in dealing with PD'd individuals. That is the Choice to emote and relate at the level of a child.

The board helped me a great deal. So did the sessions in therapy, and it was pretty easy to put it together and carry on from that point.    :)ifference being, the long lasting effects of emotional trauma, are pretty much non existent. That is not normal. My "problem" is genetic, I know that. I cannot feel or even cognitively understand some emotions. at. all. Others are pretty obvious as have experienced it for myself.

Funny, who'd have thought being a coocoopuff myself would turn out to be such a benefit? Wonders never cease.  

Bit of a cosmic joke, but not a bad one all things considered.

I don't have too much in the way of religious beliefs, in fact, next to none. The closest would be Chain of Being, in which one decent act begets another and another and can make a difference like that. It's a bit lonely on this psychopath's trail as there are not so many swimming against the stream with awareness, but some are.

Help me with this one, I prefer to be a better Human.

Wishing wellness and healing to you.

P.S. Arjay... . good to see you back. I don't forget.

Natasha Tomicic

References: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[arjay]

Greetings Natasha.  I don't forget either  

I scored 0% for having any of the traits.  That being said, I started on this board because I have had my own struggles too, with personal choice and more.

The practical voice in me says "I am ok", yet life as we all know is tough and my list of struggles means "ok" is a relative thing too.  From the "bell curve" the science says I am fine.  The reality is that life and emotional growth is a never ending thing (whether forced or by choice).  My view today is different in some ways from that when I first arrived on this board too.

The Buddha in me says some of us are on the easier path because that is all we can handle.  Others are on the more difficult path because they are simply more enlightened and able to handle deeper challenges.  Somebody once said "we are all simply fingers of the grand deity, that is experiencing all that has been created".

Good to get connected again... .

[Natasha Tomicic]

Arjay!    

Thank you! So very much!

Yes, it's good to connect. It's really good to see the old members popping in and I remember well the discussions we had here. Also, see where and how I buggered up and now also, the Why of it.

I have had my own struggles too, with personal choice and more.

You know, that is the kicker or not? Choice.

0%?  Through out your life time? I took that test looking at it from beginning, and to present, with all my nasty crap. Taken it from several perspectives in time as well... . and... . hmmmm... not so good. My initial thoughts are not "normal."  What I do, is quite different. There is always Choice. I can choose good or bad, moral or not. It's just a choice. I choose, good. It also feels pretty nice too. If someone is rotten? I choose something else   that can feel good too... . but it's not very nice. I really have no excuses. Although I can cook them up on the fly if necessary  

The practical voice in me says "I am ok", yet life as we all know is tough and my list of struggles means "ok" is a relative thing too.

Aye, good that you are "ok", and that is a funny word. It can mean " I still breathe" to... . really all is "AOK" . I hope your struggles are only those of the garden variety basics of surviving in this day and age and not emotional turmoil.

The Buddha in me says some of us are on the easier path because that is all we can handle.  Others are on the more difficult path because they are simply more enlightened and able to handle deeper challenges.  Somebody once said "we are all simply fingers of the grand deity, that is experiencing all that has been created".

Like that, a more comforting thought, than " the psycho" in me ... . I like the Buddhist teachings. Of the mind. But, I think it was easier for me for the other reason. Cognitive empathy I can understand the obvious and clear, affective? No... . I try but I can't. Some things are just out of range completely. I don't understand the layers of it on a person from childhood. I can see it in my old posts too.  

ZERO %      still trying to get that one... . you must be a really nice guy. I hope for your sake that you find someone who is gentle with your heart and will appreciate you for you.

Good to get connected again... . grin

 I just hope you are not my covert narc buddy who is remarkable with his masks!  

Hope a few other people will be so kind as to take that test. To compare for myself and understand. It's a strange request, but I don't have any interest to know where the Socio's stand. Kind of not a very nice bunch nor the way I choose to be in life.

[DreamGirl]

According to the test, I certainly have narcissistic traits.

Thanks Dad. 

[Natasha Tomicic]

Hello Dream Girl  

Yeah... . me too... . but what about the other numbers... . care to share? Some of those are, ahhh... . hmmm. My test showed primarily PPD and AsPD which goes more or less without saying given my posting and thought processes. NPD? It's there, but not the overriding factor.

[DreamGirl]

Mine showed 18 of 38 on the anti-social.

And 6 of 9 on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Then it said 0% on the "general personality disorder". I don't know what that means. 

[Natasha Tomicic]

Okay... . gotcha. Looks not bad to me. Narc traits aren't "bad" it's the disorder that is the kicker. That is layers of chaos.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a possibility that you might have a psychopathic / antisocial personality disorder.

You reached Xx.XX% of Factor 1 which captures the core personality traits of psychopathy that define the interpersonal and affective deficits of this personality disorder (e.g. shallow affect, superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy) and that are correlated with narcissistic personality disorder, low anxiety, low empathy, low stress reaction and low suicide risk. But Factor 1 is also associated with extraversion and positive affect - affected persons usually score high on scales of achievement and well-being, so some aspects of the personality disorder may even be beneficial for the psychopath (in terms of nondeviant social functioning or if it comes to profit from manipulation or lies).  <-- fun part there, the "system" does a great deal of lying and swimming against that stream? Is fun and a challenge.

You reached XX.XX% of Factor 2 which captures the traits of antisocial behavior (e.g. criminal versatility, impulsiveness, irresponsibility, poor behaviour controls, juvenile delinquency) and is associated with reactive anger, social deviance, sensation seeking, anxiety, increased risk of suicide, low socio-economic status, criminality, and impulsive violence.

You reached XX.XX% in other relevant traits that can indicate this personality disorder.

Tend to contradict each other quite a bit PPD vs AsPD. I don't manipulate people, the system... . yes.

Awareness => Choice. I'm not the only one either.

Some overlap though in younger years, but straightened out. Choice. Logic, reason, cause and effect. Simple stuff. Emotions are not much in the picture, but they are present. BPD/ NPD are emotional, they cannot be wrong, ever... . I can be wrong and laugh at it. Cool, I am wrong, learn something new every day. Not the end of the world. PPD. Or zen monk?    

Have fun setting up the Catch 22 traps of Free will , Choice and Logic for pwNPD,[ ASPD too]  ehehehehe... .   Maybe it's my NarcTard trait? Dunno, but it is nefariously fun. And the Choices are lovely:

#1. Therapy

#2. Go ahead, be a jerk and go to jail.

#3. Suicide.

All 3 can be justified on the basis of empathy.  

Ok, it's a tad malignant empathy... . but let's not get picky, empathy is empathy  

[arjay]

ZERO %      still trying to get that one... . you must be a really nice guy. I hope for your sake that you find someone who is gentle with your heart and will appreciate you for you.

You made me laugh with that one.  Yeah you know what they say about nice guys... .

I categorize myself as reasonably healthy, a recovering catholic turned Buddhist and with a tendency to being a jerk.  Just ask anybody that knows me... .

Nice to get in touch with you again

[Natasha Tomicic]

Nice guys are rare gems. A good dollop of jerk is perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with that when needed   Keeps life interesting.

Always enjoyed your posts Arjay. It is good to see you here in a better light.  

Be well.

[arjay]

Natasha, the best way I can describe my "emotional mechanism" is thinking of light bulb connected to a dimmer switch.  It can be turned completely off or completely on, but there is a range of in between.  It is like that for me and my emotions in general.  Sometimes I can get stuck in the off or on position due to lots of stress, work, the usual life stuff.  

Regarding you wondering how people can feel pain (hurt) for years.  Well years would not be a healthy thing actually and most would do well to seek medical help.  For me it is like the closing of a screen door.  I hurts a lot in the beginning and slowly dampens over time.  :)efinitely not a binary on/off thing.

  

Thanks for putting yourself out there.  I really admire you for doing that.

[Natasha Tomicic]

Thanks Arjay

Natasha, the best way I can describe my "emotional mechanism" is thinking of light bulb connected to a dimmer switch.  It can be turned completely off or completely on, but there is a range of in between.  It is like that for me and my emotions in general.  Sometimes I can get stuck in the off or on position due to lots of stress, work, the usual life stuff.  

Ok, makes sense. I can do that with empathy[ cognitive] my affective is rare , 2 x I can think of. But I can't feel some emotions, they are non existent.  I can read a person face to face, like an open book. People pour their souls out to me, it's interesting.  

Regarding you wondering how people can feel pain (hurt) for years.  Well years would not be a healthy thing actually and most would do well to seek medical help.  For me it is like the closing of a screen door.  I hurts a lot in the beginning and slowly dampens over time.  :)efinitely not a binary on/off thing.

  

Yes, not binary. But for me, the refractory period is extremely short. And not with "band aid" r/s's in the middle either. I just carry on. It's over and done, it hurt , it's done. Not torn apart with Self doubt. That happened once early on, then done. No more. He couldn't rattle me after that. Then he upped the ante... . lalala the story is here. And my thought processes as well. Pretty uh... . standard operating procedure.

Putting it out there, yeah... . trying to make some sense of it for myself. I read the boards nons and NPD/ BPD many, and the emotions and drives/ motivations/ intent. And sometimes, it really is truly bizarre. Like reading children's writings. No sense of cause and effect, and Free will and Choice are non existent. Seems that most are looking for excuses for their choices. And again, I run into my own blind spot. The emotions/ back ground noise that I can't feel. Those are the drivers. Seems that is where PD go blind to Logic. The thesis on lying was about the false constructs, and also the BPD propensity for lying. Makes me gag. Irritates me on so many levels. Funny, as when a lie makes sense depending the situation, could care less. But the sheer stupidity of the types of lies? Banal.

LOL... . I have a Scale for Lies too. Lord have mercy. Wonder if that is the PPD sense of grandeur shining through. *eeesh*

Well, it is nice to have an excuse for being a pompous ass.    It IS a Choice by the way... .  

Thought I'd share this:

Like a battle between a dragon and a chimera -- it wouldn't be a fair contest either, since everybody knows the dragon is much stronger.

 

From the sociopath forum, a poster there, he is quite erudite and I agree with much of what he writes. That ^^ pretty much sums it up.

I had no idea what I was doing, but the dragon was always there, hiding in the subconscious ... . hehehe... . funny in hindsight. The rear view mirror of that for chaos is oddly fading from view completely. As though, a bobble in time on the continuum and forward... . carry on... .

Thank you both, appreciate the comparisons... . a couple more would be helpful. I don't bite. Really not.

[peacebaby]

I scored 20%. I didn't have any of the specific things, NPD, etc... . Closed the window so I'm not sure what the rest of it said. I'm a very emotional, empathetic, sympathetic kind of person, so... . Let me know how I could be more helpful, Natasha.

[peacebaby]

I've been thinking about this thread since I answered it at work yesterday. Re-read it just now, and I think I have some (slightly) more useful responses. I mean in no way to offend, just being truthful like you tend to be.  

First, Natasha, we've seen each other around here for years now.   I have always thought you were a good writer, and a strong person, and very different from most of the people here. So full of insight and anger... . I'd be totally getting your post, and then I would totally *not* be getting it and seldom know how to answer you so seldom have.

Your quote below is quite insightful about this board:

And sometimes, it really is truly bizarre. Like reading children's writings. No sense of cause and effect, and Free will and Choice are non existent. Seems that most are looking for excuses for their choices.

Considering what you're saying about yourself in this thread, this makes perfect sense. Most of us on this board are emotionally vulnerable people, overly empathetic/sympathetic people. We live in a swirl of emotions, and many of them makes us feel terrible. When emotions are in control, it feels like free will and choice are out the window--all the posts from people in relationships with those with BPD, as I was--it's like the emotions that control you are now controlled by the other person and you don't know how to take back control (not that you had it really) so you feel totally out of control. Like your heart is in someone else's body and they're stabbing it over and over again. Because of all the emotion, it seems like there's no way out. Emotion can be blinding. I certainly know the childlike feeling of someone else is supposed to make me feel better--why isn't my insane partner making me feel better? why why why?

So it sounds like you're dealing with the opposite, and actually dealing with it, which I figure is pretty damn unusual. I've recently realized an old friend is totally certifiably delusional, and they TOTALLY do not see it. Everything leads back to everything being against them, a huge, detailed conspiracy, that cannot be questioned. So it's always a plus to have some idea of your level of crazy. Especially with yours, as you know.

[Turkish]

2/38

Except:

20. In my life, I did many things that could be considered criminal by a court, even if I have never been arrested or convicted so far. Regardless of that, I usually feel a positive emotional kick whenever I get away without consequences.

Er, um... . no people or fuzzy animals were ever harmed  

[Natasha Tomicic]

Peacebaby 

Appreciate your thoughts. I see what you mean. And I did stick my head in the sand many times when posting in past as it was not an empathic understanding, but rather cause and effect. And I am aware, that when my emotions are involved it is also harder. I do feel, but not the long term annihilation nor do I internalize it. That is the saving grace.

It has been quite a few years for us both. And I know your story well. Your partner was in therapy, but still could not control herself. She also had had a horrible childhood. Perhaps if that sort of thing had happened to me? Or yourself? I/ you I would have been different as well? I cannot know, and so cutting some slack is reasonable, to a point... . but the research is pointing elsewhere on a consistent basis. 

Considering what you're saying about yourself in this thread, this makes perfect sense. Most of us on this board are emotionally vulnerable people, overly empathetic/sympathetic people. We live in a swirl of emotions, and many of them makes us feel terrible. When emotions are in control, it feels like free will and choice are out the window--all the posts from people in relationships with those with BPD, as I was--it's like the emotions that control you are now controlled by the other person and you don't know how to take back control (not that you had it really) so you feel totally out of control. Like your heart is in someone else's body and they're stabbing it over and over again. Because of all the emotion, it seems like there's no way out. Emotion can be blinding. I certainly know the childlike feeling of someone else is supposed to make me feel better--why isn't my insane partner making me feel better? why why why?

Ahhhhh... . ok... . hmmm. Yeah. That can happen though to me as well. But takes a while to get to that point. Or, the switch is flipped by a known outside occurrence. i.e. attacking me, then it's a free for all. And I won't stop until it's done. Then run. I warned my exH that it would happen though. Time slows down, and I know exactly what I am doing and I am going to do it. Options start flipping though my head and ... . yeah. No rules. I thought that was "normal" but, it's not... .

Emotionally vulnerable, as they are as well it seems to some degree with a twist. BPD/ NPD cannot respect what they have, so destroy it due to their own fears which are the same essentially. Abandonment. It's a mess on the NPD boards, BPD? Pure chaos. I tend to irritate the crud out of the NPD and they respond with the kiddie games. Predictable to the nth degree.

I am sympathetic to the pain of the partners, but empathy is to what I have previously experienced, and some things, I cannot feel. So, that is my Achilles heel. It's a positive trait in that regard. Thank you Peacebaby. It's not about strength, but I guess it can be perceived that way. It's more like trauma resistant. As such, it's bogus. It's not the same journey of pain that others are forced into. It's not painless either, but... . I cannot experience the same agony that lasts for years in some cases, nor the depression. I think I did once though, sort of, but... . then it was done. Not on the same scale as others I have read about.

So it sounds like you're dealing with the opposite, and actually dealing with it, which I figure is pretty damn unusual. I've recently realized an old friend is totally certifiably delusional, and they TOTALLY do not see it. Everything leads back to everything being against them, a huge, detailed conspiracy, that cannot be questioned. So it's always a plus to have some idea of your level of crazy. Especially with yours, as you know.

Yeah... . everything can be questioned. Needs to be as well. And if one is thinking that, then find/. gather the evidence. Problem solved.

Have found something interesting things along the way, and each time... . same thing.   Pathological with the Truth or Lies? Truth is great stuff, and sets you free. A lie doesn't bother me if I am busted, as I will only laugh, but a Narc? Will go into a wild frenzy of denial and you name it.   I find it puerile. Call me the Narc bi@tch from hell if you will... . but it's fun. ehehehe It's the perfect weapon. And I am ruthless and relentless with it.   

2/38

Well, if Skip is up for it, we should get the three of us together to discuss that with Video and Voice and how to improve that score. 

It's not necessarily deviant to have extreme PPD traits, it's about Choice and what you do with it. 

[Turkish]

It's not about strength, but I guess it can be perceived that way. It's more like trauma resistant.

That's interesting. When I was 10, I awoke at 3am to a bunch of cops in my room. My mom worked nights as a nurse. They came to arrest my 17 year old male babysitter. He was sleeping in the top bunk... turns out he murdered the child molester down the block (no one in the neighborhood was sorry the old pervert molested him, his 12 year old sister, and many other kids). Got tried as an adult and sent to Folsom for manslaughter. I remember not really feeling any emotion about it. Like, "its just something that happened. Someone else will enter my life to take a similar role at some point. Objectification?

When I was 5, a family's puppy got run over accidentally. My mom asked me to comfort the kids who were my age. I really didnt feel anything, so my words to them felt false. Like I thought, "that's too bad, but stuff hapens. "

In my teens and then early 20s, had guns pulled on me twice. The incident when I was 15, they held me "hostage" for half an hour. Rednecks... . I was scared of explaining them shooting my buddy's dog I had with me (they did fire some shots into the ground next to it to get it going, he was kind of a big stupid puppy) I.wasn't scared for myself. The other time, we may have stumbled upon some guy's pot field. Middle of the night, in BFE. pitch black. My friends were scared , I wasn't. Bravado? Stupidity? Both, maybe. My friends still needle me about that to this day. I have many other stories like that. Things just don't phase me, that seem to phase others. . I'm a bit detached, I guess. Don't know what that means.

[Natasha Tomicic]

Hmm... .

. My mom asked me to comfort the kids who were my age. I really didnt feel anything, so my words to them felt false. Like I thought, "that's too bad, but stuff hapens. "

How do you suppose that the present is any different from the past?

I'm a bit detached, I guess. Don't know what that means.

Apparently not... .

--------------

Oh my goodness Turkish, that is such a heartbreaking position for your mother to have placed you in at the age of 5 years old. It's truly sad to see how parentifying children at such a young age without any concern or understanding for the effects can be so damaging.

-----

You get the idea... .

[letmeout]

I also feel a lot of detachment and I know how I got there. Now I don't want to feel detached anymore, but can't figure out how to make that work.

[Natasha Tomicic]

Hmmm... . perhaps Turkish will better equipped able to help you out there... .

I am interested to read his response as well.

------------

Oddly enough, my exH was an excellent counterbalance. I learned a great deal and life was very interesting, the good was amazing, the bad a real test of endurance, mental agility and innate skills that came forward.

It is what it was.

[Turkish]

Hmm... .

. My mom asked me to comfort the kids who were my age. I really didnt feel anything, so my words to them felt false. Like I thought, "that's too bad, but stuff hapens. "

How do you suppose that the present is any different from the past?

I am much more aware of my emotions, and accepting that not only is it ok to show them, but it is ok to feel them.

The numbness of my youth likely developed as a protection mechanism to protect myself from both experiencing and witnessing so much trauma. I have had many people tell me over the years, aware of where I came from, that it is amazing I turned out so well adjusted. Well, for the most part  

Oh my goodness Turkish, that is such a heartbreaking position for your mother to have placed you in at the age of 5 years old. It's truly sad to see how parentifying children at such a young age without any concern or understanding for the effects can be so damaging.

Funny. I never thought that asking me to comfort another kid over his dead dog was parentifying, but I guess it might qualify as that. I resented the fact that I didn't feel like comforting him, and I felt uncomfortable being fake.

[Turkish]

I also feel a lot of detachment and I know how I got there. Now I don't want to feel detached anymore, but can't figure out how to make that work.

If you remember how you got there, letmeout, do you remember how you felt before that? Not remembering how you were, but how you felt?

[letmeout]

I felt the same Turkish, mainly because I married someone who had the same issues my own parents had.

Since I married my ex at age 17, I guess I never became me. 

[Natasha Tomicic]

I resented the fact that I didn't feel like comforting him, and I felt uncomfortable being fake.

Interesting... .

Seems that some people are only fake or not? To recall such a memory from the age of 5 with such clarity is telling. The perspective or lack there of is.

Being fake  has a particular shift in the mirror, but what isn't fake is the self pity behind the mask. Mirroring that projection of perceived wrong by another while wallowing is the chimeraeic glimmer of self delusion. Some more so than others, but some so obviously as the mask is all they know.

Someone once erroneously targeted me, and went out of his way a manner which is only possible online, to spin stories and smear campaigns left right and center, while manipulating / lying from several angles and getting his proxies to  play in to the labyrinth while being played for fools themselves. Quite something really, delusional. An addiction of his, like the BPD and NPD, trapped by their fears and of course Lies.

www.devilsfoe.com/misunderstood-synchronised-hearts/

The fascinating chronicles and smear campaign of someone I once knew, and found telling a tragic tale, of a girl who left him, but this story has been told so many times, with so many twists, and... . the fact of the matter, it was his own doing. I get the blame for ejecting during the discard, which was as with exh based on a false accusation of cheating. And I don't much care for that sort of thing. Not at all. The interesting part, is that this one is aware, and I managed to hammer yet again another massive Narcisstic injury... . inadvertently. Rejection from a married woman? This is obvious or not?

The story is written as a woman, but it is a man doing the writing. Smear campaign in the making and Enmeshment gone out of control. Lack of identity or Self. Not a lack of intelligence, quite the contrary.

There is another story as well, part of the story that he would rather have no one know. But that, requires that a dragon guards the chimera. I don't think so. Betrayal is not how to keep friends, but to create something else and enemy is too strong a word. Rather the balance requires being shifted.

The tragedy of young Roger Elliot and the girls murdered due to his personality disorder, is not unlike the emotional games that are played on the internet by NPD and BPD when looking for outside sources of validation. Any construct will do. I can feel sorry for Roger Elliot as the parallels with the exBF are not dissimilar. He grew up in Northern Canada, on a farm in a small town and his family according to his tale at the time, were Jehovah Witness and he was as well. Until he was shunned. And he was hurt badly and unfairly in that situation. There after, the story is one of rejection and being used and his decency abused by his friends, and somewhere a long the line, I met him,... . he wrote a book, in which he removed from the online store. And he did not include our time in there together. It was decent of him.

He was wrong, then and again... . as was my exH.

What was my error? When a r/s is over. Technically Done. It is Done. I moved on... . but neurotypical or NPD or BPD? Something really different there... . they seem to do the monkey swing and overlap.

I did not know I hurt him, he did not pick up the phone. Not once. Nor did he ask, how I was doing? It was all only ever about him... . so perhaps it is not odd, that in the present to see history repeat itself and now recognizing the patterns and the lying and the delusions etc the danger of what lying to one self can really do.

The intro board is currently flooding with new members complaining about psychopath GF's, etc etc, but the tells are all over the place.

A baiting game, one which will end soon with the book that was written  about this young man, who got badly hurt through his choices and the religion and his rejection of it, but the morals and ethics and what not got mixed up along the way and an escape into drug use, alcoholism, depression and the sexual and psychological rape of him by the mother of an *oops* baby female and so the story keeps on changing and morphing in an endless twisty tragic manner without end.


www.scribd.com/doc/225936731/Untitled

My Twisted World

The Story of Elliot Rodger

By Elliot Rodger

He murdered the objects of his desire, physically.

My exBF prefers emotional sadism. That is his feed, but he caught the wrong creature for that sort of thing. He knows what he does, as do NPD, and BPD, they are not unaware. The difference? They truly do Not care who they hurt or why. Some do Not. Others can and will and Do change.

Less impressive, was the need to gloat and create a show of how he preferred to target married women, cuckold their husbands and supposedly leave them impregnated and the other man cares for his progeny. Really unpleasant sort of crap. This is the same person who goes on and on with the pity ploy.

Myself? I cannot feel remorse, my conscience on this is clear completely. I sleep like a baby, as for guilt? None whatsoever... . but this chimera has become addicted to the boards and his stories which are the constructs which create his false sense of Self and self esteem are also used to find the next prey.

Do you suppose Turkish, that I am in touch with my emotions or that I am detached in that scenario? And were our positions reversed what would you recommend as the just/ balanced course of action? You see, I will not choose to Do nothing. InAction and laziness is not one of my weaknesses.

I will have to get the other book up for the comparison sake. It is called, So Down the Great Dragon, which is quite odd considering... .

I felt the same Turkish, mainly because I married someone who had the same issues my own parents had.

Since I married my ex at age 17, I guess I never became me.

Hmmm... seems to be a problem of BPD, NPD and HPD and anyone empathic or sensitive or heavily reliant on outside validation. Are you seeking therapy?

You are always YOU. I don't know you cannot know that, but I am well aware of how some will try to spin reality... .

[Tolou]

You meet 60% of the range of general personality disorder criteria.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? CAN I get some input?


There is no clear indication that you might have a

psychopathic / antisocial personality disorder.

Score: 3 of 38 [3:2/1/0]There is no indication that you might have a narcissistic personality disorder.

You might have certain traits of narcissistic personalities but certainly not in a form that would justify a personality disorder diagnosis according to the standards.

Score: 2 of 9

There is no indication that you might have a histrionic personality disorder.[D:1/I:0]You meet 60% of the range of general personality disorder criteria.

However, there are no clear indications of you having a psychopathic/antisocial, narcissistic or histrionic disorder, so there might be another problem not captured by this test.

[Natasha Tomicic]

Hmmm... . the last lines from you first post:

When we meet them, they are masked, as we maybe too in way, just differently.  We all have our defense mecahnism and guards, it is just that there are more primative and under-developed.  Until they work on their core issues stemming from past ptsd or truama from growing up in an invaldating environment a lot of love is given in vain, though that is what they depseately seek.

Haven't read the rest of your posts...

You meet 60% of the range of general personality disorder criteria.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? CAN I get some input?

Means a person can take an online test multiple times and with a little fiddling here and there get whatever they want for it to give an appearance of whatever character they will care to play for the duration of the sock puppet? That's what it means to me at this point in time... .

Somebody claiming to be; obsessive, bipolar (II), narcissistic psychopath with ADHD and, just for fun, avoidance tendencies and depression? And tooling about for "attention"/ Supply... .

Then posted a sorry and sad link to the below article, and I kindly focused it on the main point of the problem...

Like anyone else, psychopaths have a deep wish to be loved and cared for. This desire remains frequently unfulfilled, however, as it is obviously not easy for another person to get close to someone with such repellent personality characteristics.

www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/hidden-suffering-psychopath-1#sthash.WnFokPji.dpuf

Mapping mine fields of the internet and the cyber paths of those that choose to use and abuse others is not an easy task and some really don't like you for your efforts. I think most of them are not born, but made. Socios with anger issues. Don't appear all that different  to NPD/ BPD except for the calculated aspect of their malignant intent. Seems that the only way they are jogged a tad into awareness is to apply the same tactics in a similarly brutal manner. For one, it was just a "Game" but I didn't find it funny... and now it's starting to cause distress for him. Anxiety is not a psychopath's trait. PPD1 doesn't need the masks, nor the feed.

Skip, the PF forums were shall I say, polluted with some pretty twisted garbage, and still is. Sock puppetry at it's finest. The new forum, same Puppet masters, and a brilliant crew they are. They are quite active here as well. Not 'bad' by any stretch, not really, but unless you are keeping tabs on the PMing and then anything going off site, there could be a serious problem... .

www.mental-health-group.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=13&start=750

Cute though, Monorail?   You're welcome. A solid kick it was, I grant you that, and It was meant to hurt J... The new masks are definitely better than the previous bleeder whiner variety.

The forum is populated with puppets and 9/10 the Admin or Mods is one of the two main puppet masters.    He does spend a great deal of time chatting with himself with his socks. Quite something. There is therapy for that I would assume?

It may have been embarrassing but at least there was a zero chance of being identified by

someone I knew. For four days this went on. There would be the normal talks like at the usual

meetings, but also interviews of persons who took the most highly regarded step in life of

quitting their job and only working part time so as to devote more time and energy into

converting others. The Lord would provide of course. Like the one experience of the couple who

needed 240 dollars for some new tires, and wouldn’t you know it, after 2 weeks of praying the

husband received a cheque for exactly 240 dollars from someone else in the congregation. The

Lord must have been in a good mood that day.

Do you suppose with a prayer therapy would be possible?

[Tolou]

Natasha,

I thank you for comments, you have me laughing, not at you, but at the truth of what I get from your posts. I hope your okay, don't take things too personal from posters, sometimes people need to just vent?

I guess those tests can be manipulated if people want to answer them the way they want, that was the first time I ever did one of them by following that link and was curios wtf 60% meant, but I don't look at it with too much detail... . thx

[Natasha Tomicic]

Good to read, laughter is great medicine. Nobody would believe it would they? Who would think  a person could make up such crazy stuff?

But , in my case? I can't be bothered, and others can and do. Different reasons, and not all bad, they were at one point though. That is the point which is really not tolerable you know? Mighty "predators" parading as sheep but really parasites in sheep's clothing? That is really vile. However, it would appear, there has been a good shift in the wind and the Lesson learned. And if not... . I am more than willing and capable of firing cannons in the same direction and with great accuracy... .

Respect is not assumed simply because you breathe and are human, it is earned. And when it is lost and the reasons thereof... . it's not a given it will be returned no matter what you do after that point in time. As I am not God , and forgiveness is not my strong point... . the balance needs to shift further. Hmmm...

sometimes people need to just vent?

  aye, but in some cases it has a particular purpose... .

I am curious about the genesis of Malice and malignant intent. Fascinates me... .

Revenge? Not my strong point. Not ever, petty. But, having been the recipient of a long drawn out campaign at a time, that was really rather sensitive and had I not been *me*... . I take offense to that. It was rude. However, I am fine despite the best attempts of someone not so, shall I say... . aware? And in so doing, I am blessed with the opportunity to share the knowledge direct from the horse's mouth with respect to how a person can become so hurt and broken due to FOO issues, rejection, religious conundrums and the internal battle of moral and ethical constructs which admittedly are not bad, and serve a good purpose, but when taken to extreme and then shunned based on those same principals ? The damage is quite terrible to a sensitive person.

In total there are 164 pages. Nicely written. A shame to keep the context of the existence of the puppet master hidden from the acolytes I dare say. I doubt they are aware either. Best to know who it is you are following as opposed to blind belief. It's not a terrible semi truth at all. Vast majority of it though? I can vouch for it, I saw a great deal with my own eyes.

p.g.1.

The alarm clock rang to perfectly coincide with the thick smoke that permeated the apartment. Now that’s timing I thought. It’s a wonder more people don’t do the same. “Do you have to go outside?” I asked Missy who was still sleeping beside me. She didn’t say anything but I knew her well enough after all the years that it was time anyway. I crawled out of the futon and made my way over to open the screen door, both to let her and some of the smoke out. A smoke alarm would have sounded but a few weeks earlier I had ripped out the wiring to stop its continual annoyance of me for not taking a particular liking to my cooking habits. Even Missy had stopped trying to wake me by licking my face and woofing softly. It was simply the way I cooked breakfast. Some people like their bacon and eggs, some a quick muffin or a bowl of cereal. I however had discovered the convenience of cereal combined with the heartiness that only comes from a big slab of burnt meat. It involves waking up precisely 1 hour and 20 minutes earlier, throwing a steak from the freezer into the oven, placing it ever so nonchalantly onto a worn out, warped, and very blackened cookie sheet, and then promptly going back to bed to finish some dream about my newly discovered powers of mind control, the ability to fly, and xray vision. The only downside was that things often smelled of smoke; either that or Lysol which is what I generally used to mask the smoke odor. Missy had finished her walk outside and had joined me in the kitchen as I opened up a can of mushrooms and a beer. The phone rang. I suddenly remembered it ringing and ringing the night before. But, as I had decided to never answer my phone again; exactly who it was had remained a mystery. I had even turned the answering machine off despite having the coolest (or some would say most annoying) message in the entire world. It was taken from Guns N’ Roses –Use Your Illusion 2- Civil War. “Ah. Ah. What we’ve got here is - failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” It was the opening to the song. I think they might have borrowed it from the movie –Cool Hand Luke. I didn’t have the CD jacket anymore and I say Cool Hand Luke only because I once had a phone call from one of those survey takers. “Hi,” she had said. “I actually called last week and you weren’t home but I just had to find out who left such an imaginative message.” She may have liked it but not enough to go out with me when I asked her. The phone rang once more. In anger I pulled the cord from the wall.

*SMH*

Always was impossible to get a hold of him... . head in the sand problem?

[Natasha Tomicic]

Hmmm... . and the story unfolds and the genesis of behaviors become more apparent

It’s amazing how life can twist and turn. One event can change history. You could play the “what if?” game until the end of time. What if I had moved there instead of here; went for the blonde instead of the brunette. Unfortunately life’s most important decisions are made by the young. Once you realize your mistakes it’s often too late to do anything about it. Let’s say you spend four years in collage to be a teacher and then discover that you hate kids. It’s rather a waste of time but by then it’s almost too late to change. Time and money are not exactly unlimited. To make matters worse your wife in a desperate attempt to save the failing relationship, would most likely nag you half to death until you finally relented and then she’d stick you with 2.1 kids who’d suck all the life and money from you for the next twenty years. How is it that I arrived at this moment in time sleeping with my dog, burning breakfast and not wanting to answer my phone? Things started off ok I guess. Childhood is much like the good old days. No matter how horrible they may have been, it’s hard not to think of them without a certain fondness. For me although my youth can best be described with a very low grunting action, it is hard not to remember the good times.

How a person can change over the course of a decade? Is on another piece of paper, but then perhaps, they never really knew themselves or the person you thought you knew never existed in the first place, or did...

[MidLifCrysis1]

Hello. Oddly (I think) I scored as follows:

There is no clear indication that you might have a
psychopathic / antisocial personality disorder.
Score: 3 of 38 [3:3/0/0]

There is no indication that you might have a narcissistic personality disorder.
You might have certain traits of narcissistic personalities but certainly not in a form that would justify a personality disorder diagnosis according to the standards.
Score: 3 of 9

There is no indication that you might have a histrionic personality disorder.

But then I got this... 
You meet 100% of the range of general personality disorder criteria.
However, there are no clear indications of you having a psychopathic/antisocial, narcissistic or histrionic   disorder, so there might be another problem not captured by this test.
Thus, is strongly recommended you seek a professional diagnosis to be sure what exactly you are dealing with.


What the heck does that mean?

[acousticSR]

1/38. I honestly found this comforting. I have Tourette's, and I read somewhere that people with Tourette's can have Dark Triad personality traits, so it's comforting to see that I'm not leaning that way.