Is it ever safe to love a BPD ?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I've been watching videos on this site, that talk about learning how approach someone you love with BPD. I lost all love for my BPD Mom decades before understanding she was a BPD. I remember being among friends,  where we defined love as loyalty, respect etc... . As  BPD can’t offer these things, we know they can’t love. But isn’t mutual love,  i.e. true love, the only safe way to love? Hence we cannot, or should not love them. How else do we protect ourselves from continued abuse?

Happy to be dissuaded from my logical approach to love. But it’s save my bacon many times. Don’t N’s prey on the vulnerable, aren’t people in love vulnerable ? Possibly this relates to how far up the spectrum your Narcissist is ? Mine are both pathological and unrelenting. I've also benefitted from some very good friendships, people I have truely had mutual love with. So I feel well qualified in saying - no love for my BPD and N, none what so ever. Yet I have had duty and guilt etc... . but that's not love.

On another note, has anyone tried acting like a Narcissist, with their BPD Mom. The theory dictates that they would prefer that, and show you more respect. Sounds better than pussy footing around, trying to change me – because it’s not the BPD fault and we the victims must yet again, bend over for them. Please note, I’m playing devil’s advocate here. I know the N’s normally play the devil... .

[HappyChappy]

I've been watching videos on this site, that talk about learning how approach someone you love with BPD. I lost all love for my BPD Mom decades before understanding she was a BPD. I remember being among friends,  where we defined love as loyalty, respect etc... . As  BPD can’t offer these things, we know they can’t love. But isn’t mutual love,  i.e. true love, the only safe way to love? Hence we cannot, or should not love them. How else do we protect ourselves from continued abuse?

Happy to be dissuaded from my logical approach to love. But it’s save my bacon many times. Don’t N’s prey on the vulnerable, aren’t people in love vulnerable ? Possibly this relates to how far up the spectrum your Narcissist is ? Mine are both pathological and unrelenting. I've also benefitted from some very good friendships, people I have truely had mutual love with. So I feel well qualified in saying - no love for my BPD and N, none what so ever. Yet I have had duty and guilt etc... . but that's not love.

On another note, has anyone tried acting like a Narcissist, with their BPD Mom. The theory dictates that they would prefer that, and show you more respect. Sounds better than pussy footing around, trying to change me – because it’s not the BPD fault and we the victims must yet again, bend over for them. Please note, I’m playing devil’s advocate here. I know the N’s normally play the devil... .

[isshebpd]

Well, your brother sounds like an absolute monster. There's no point with him. I have a narcissistic brother too, but yours sounds more dangerous.

I think, for any human being, the maternal relationship has to be the most complex and important. I know I'll never stop looking for love in my uBPDmom. She has never shown me any affection, so I guess I should just get used to it.

I don't envy the relationship between my uBPDmom and narcissistic brother. To be honest, I find it creepy. I don't see any point in playing their weird game.