See what I mean? The spinning thoughts are relentless. I know I need to stop checking his fb. But I keep thinking that maybe I'll find something there that will give me reason to believe he's trying to find his way back to me. I realize this is irrational, but it's like an addiction, this burning need to know something about his life and thought and feelings and plans.
Hello tango1492. Our brains are relentless with repetitive thinking (rumination) when faced with a situation that is unresolved. One academic study I read suggested that, typically, an end to rumination comes from attaining a goal or abandoning it. This knowledge did not help me much when in the throes of rumination.
Two things have helped me end the relentless thoughts, and I thought I'd share:
1. I turned 100% focus back to myself. About everything. So, for instance, if I asked myself relentlessly whether my ex-girlfriend loved my replacement, I re-framed the question as, "How do I feel about being replaced?" I'd write about my feelings. I started to actually tell myself I welcomed feeling horribly (because, ultimately, the only way OUT is THROUGH the feelings). Once I labeled how I felt and "held" it for a while, I'd start to work through the 10 beliefs that keep us stuck.
2. I created mantras to "release" myself. I would tell myself, I can release her. I am releasing her. I am taking care of myself by releasing her. I am free. I am taking care of myself. Etc.
This is a process, and not a switch. But, we can do it. And we're here for you.