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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: 1 week NC complete - slight bonus too  (Read 487 times)
shellshockeduk

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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« on: May 20, 2014, 06:54:34 PM »

Well folks its been 1 week NC I cant say its been easy.

Tonight I have sneaked a peak at her twitter (yes I said I was going to try not even do that but I've managed a week).

Anyway the twitter reveals her "never been so happy" new relationship is already running in to trouble.

Posts such as "how do you learn to trust someone" "feeing low" "all i want is love is that so much to ask?"

"would like to cuddle with someone now".

After rubbing my face in her new relationship showing me pictures of him and her in bed together, I really cant help feeling a little smug that image of her moving on with some perfect man really wasnt real. Does this sound bad for feeling like that?

I guess its also given me a little bit of validation in that she is unstable and a healthy person isn’t going to be able to deal with her for very long once her acting out behaviours start.  Hence I imagine hes already started running for the hills if he has any sense.

But yes 1 week NC done, roll on the rest of my life Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

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AwakenedOne
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2014, 10:31:12 PM »

"would like to cuddle with someone now".

If she runs out of cuddle partners and decides to call you to cuddle are you prepared of your response to that?

My friend thinks stay the hell away

I read your old posts, your friend I think is a very smart friend. You might want to spend a lot of time with this person. Congrats on the one week NC btw.

Peace,

AO




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Narellan
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1080



« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2014, 03:09:48 AM »

Well shellshockeduk, be wary of a recycle. Plan in your head what you want to say if she makes contact with you. She probably will, given that things are not going so well with her new guy.  It's really hard going NC isn't it? I find it a bit cyclical. I'm good for a while, then I just get an urge to check his FB. Last time I did that I saw he'd defriended me, so I haven't bothered to look since.

You are doing really well moving on. 
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shellshockeduk

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« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2014, 06:19:30 AM »

"would like to cuddle with someone now".

If she runs out of cuddle partners and decides to call you to cuddle are you prepared of your response to that?

I guess so cant say its not going to be easy but I think I’m prepared.  Having taken a step back I can quite see from her saying "would like to cuddle with someone now" = anybody, I don’t care who, give me love that is never going to be enough.

Realization I suppose, that, no I am not special, I am not her sole mate. She will latch on to anyone who answers her distress calls. 


I do have a gut feeling inside however that she is never going to make contact again. Mainly because she caused so much destruction and pain towards me that I think it would cause her to much internal pain to face up to the facts of how badly she treated me. I guess burning her bridges behind her to self fullfill her prophecy.   Which largely makes me think her coming back to make contact from now is very unlikely.
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Steamy
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« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2014, 09:04:05 PM »

For me it's been 2, tough weeks of NC. I still think of her 24/7. When I'm out, I'm looking for her car, when I'm playing tennis, I'm hoping to see her drive up. I hope this gets better with time. Maybe I need to see a therapist.(duh) This is the 4th time in a year that I have tried to breakup, but it is the longest.  Over the last two weeks all she has sent me are links to things we use to together i.e. gym, tennis, yoga, etc.

Previously she only needed to send a short email saying "I miss you" then I cave and contact her. We would get back together again until the next violent encounter that I would always get the worst of.

I hope I can stay strong, but I feel I'm weakening.

Good luck to you shellshockeduk.
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