She got married...

[really]

... yesterday.    God please take away this pain.

[BorisAcusio]

You dodged a bullet. Mine had countless affairs while she was married so have some sympathy for the poor folk as you exactly know what comes after the idealization. 

[BorisAcusio]

DP

[Narellan]

My hearts breaking for you Really. I know how much you love her. Please keep posting on here tonight.

Im sending big hugs to you. I cant imagine how bad you are feeling 

[really]

I went through two years of grief.  Trusted her words of commitment and forgave her actions.   

The roller coaster ride was tough but had come to that point when I thought the difficult times were over.    Have come away from this broken.   Was passionate about so many things.  Had drive energy and exuberance.  Now am a shell and can't piece me back together.   Bloody tried I know that. 

[christoff522]

... yesterday.    God please take away this pain.

This girl was not in God's plan for you. God wants you to be happy, to glorify him and to be in a relationship suitable for you. This girl will NEVER settle, there is divorce in the pipeline for that poor fellow who's with her. He's probably more docile than you were, probably easier to bully. She HATES him, but she is currently under the impression that she needs him.

It's nothing more than an idealization period, when it sinks in that she's with him for life, its going to cause some seriously psychotic behaviour behind the scenes. Try to remember the abuse, the sadness, and the stress she's caused you. I know how you feel, and I know you're not thinking 100% rationally. I would be utterly broken up and probably in bed crying if I found this stuff out. Take the time, cry, grieve, and in a few days you'll have come to terms with it and be back where you were, understanding that it makes no difference to you, because you wouldn't be with her anyway now.

Really, everythings going to be okay! Truly it is.

[LettingGo14]

Have come away from this broken.   Was passionate about so many things.  Had drive energy and exuberance.  Now am a shell and can't piece me back together.   Bloody tried I know that. 

The day will come when I stand in your shoes, and I learn my ex-girlfriend marries, so I completely empathize.

I want to address this head on, however.  And so I hope to offer thoughts, less as advice, and more as an alternative perspective.

1.  This is like dealing with death -- the death of someone we cared deeply about, or even the death of a part of ourselves.  We invested ourselves, our hearts, and our souls in these relationships. Whether it's divorce, or a replacement, or abandonment -- it feels as bitter and harsh as the ultimate loss of something that is not coming back.   

2. We are not broken -- no matter how shattered we feel.  Yet, feeling the complete loss of the person often means letting go of the "self" we imagined as our "best" self.  The fallacy is that we don't lose any part of "self" -- the emotions remain ours -- we simply default to an identity based on how we feel "now" -- which is often horrible.

3. We can reclaim ourselves.  We learn to feel the pain -- to go through it -- and to no longer assign an outside person with any authority to dictate our happiness or sadness.   It's possible, albeit painful.   We go through the pain -- not around it, and not repressing it, and not indulging it.

4. We can change our story.  We begin with the words we use.  Replace "broken" with "grieving" -- and "shell" with "under repair" -- and "shattered" with "being reborn." 

We're here for you, really.

[gettingoverit]

I completely understand how you feel. My ex did end up marrying my replacement and although I was dating someone new at the time, it was still difficult because of all the work I put into that relationship and the complete gong show the break up became. Although this is painful now, know that you will not be feeling this forever. This too shall pass. My ex married someone new 16 months after we split up. Those two bone heads were engaged three weeks after they started dating. It's the nature of the BPD beast. They have no choice but to con someone into marrying them... . they CAN NOT BE ALONE. This is not personal... . it feels like it, but it is not. Once you understand the nature of the pd, you will come to understand that in actuality you did dodge a huge bullet. Do you honestly think your replacement is getting some fantastic prize? She is the same person she was with you... . nothing has changed, only the flavor of the year has. The cycle you went through will play itself out with her now husband. When it does he will be in a much worse situation than you were because now he is legally tied to her. How fun does that sound? Trust that one day this pain you are feeling now will pass. It did for me. Take care bud.

[seeking balance]

... yesterday.    God please take away this pain.

I am sorry Really - I know it hurts.

We all have different paths to our healing and different wounds to heal - as hard as it is, let yourself grieve so you can rebuild your life.

My life looks different than I thought and 4 years ago, I was barely able to get myself to work - I don't hurt like that any longer and my life is working out just fine - I have peace and happiness now way more than not.  It won't look this sad forever, it just feels really hard right now. 

Hang in there,

SB

[Tolou]

Take it day by day... .

I would feel hurt too if I heard that, yet there is nothing we can do.  If you truely loved this woman, if it possible, wish her happiness and all the best that her marriage works out for the best.

If you pray, you may want to ask God to just give the more strenght by the day, and help you heal, and stop thinking about something you cannot change.

Best of luck to you, keep posting. Get it out!

[Infared]

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and

The courage to change the things that I can."

I know that it hurts, but try to sort it out with a positive spin for you!

Also, I would suggest that you tighten up your NC... . you have some leaks.  My NC was so tight I did not find out that info until years after the event. Still affected me... . as I knew it would come someday... . but the serenity prayer above really helps me keep it simple when I am confused or in pain.

There is nothing there but hurt for you so just love you and stay away from the wildebeest.

I wish you well... . and keep talking and processing ... . it gets better.

[AwakenedOne]

Bloody tried I know that.  

I tried also with all my heart. That's all we can do right? I find peace remembering this. I hope you will also. Sorry your hurting.  

[LuckyNicki]

I am trying to prepare myself for the day my ex gets engaged and married.  I know its coming soon as she is desperately looking to get married.  I know this because she pushed the subject up with me fairly quick durinf our "honeymoon".  I considered it and made plans to try to make it happen.  Of course, u know the story... .

One thing I realized is that there were a lot of "signs" that I totally believe were from God.   So many things happened that kept telling me in my gut that this whole thing is a mistake.  

I obviously didnt follow through with my gut and kept hanging on until the final blow.  In the end, I came to one very important conclusion.   And I think you can relate.

I felt that God was telling me the whole time:

"This life long punishment is not for you"

Sure, we deal with the short term pain.  But the lifelong punishment is not meant for us.  

I hope that helps as that is helping me throughout this.

[Inside]

I tell you… Really, I remain in awe over the quality, sincerity, integrity, intelligence and generosity of the BPD Victims I read on this forum…  If this disease causes someone to pass up the likes of ‘you/ us’ – they are without a doubt among the sorriest humans on this planet.  

Really, I suspect it’s only a matter of time before ‘mine’ finds and re-marries another.  Constantly pressed to do the same, but now six months NC, I’d feel sorry for him, and little if anything for her…  And, I’d give him around six months before he’s posting an intro around here!  And who knows …he may be as nice a guy as any of us?  But, as described by those above, it’s what he’s ending up with that counts.  

I occasionally worry about depressing those having married or had children with a BPD, but since we haven’t (and escaped!) … we’ll never know the full spectrum of pain this disorder can inflict.  Keep posting though, it really helps

[blue_skies_ahead]

I'm sorry to hear this Really.  It happened to me too.  Oddly, in some ways, his remarriage gave me the release I needed to stop hoping somewhere in my prehistoric brain that somehow he'd return to me after he'd become the man I always told myself he had inside himself when not acting crazy.  He married the woman he was seeing during our marriage and she only thinks she stole a big prize from me and my son now.  It gives me relief to know that I'm no longer the recipient of the prizes' gifts and I can say goodbye to my bad marriage and hello to who I am once again.  I'm glad to hear you're keeping busy.  It helps.  Give yourself the gift of time.  I know it will take me a long time to heal from my nightmare.

[really]

Am shaking.  have to go to work. Can't cope. Should be in hospital

[arjay]

Am shaking.  have to go to work. Can't cope. Should be in hospital

Greetings and I am sorry for this very difficult period.

I couldn't do it very well without going to the doctor for medication.  Once depression sets-in, it is nearly impossible to pull ourselves out of the despair without help.  Please consider any and all helpful support during this period, including your physician.  Depression is not a trivial thing.

Please consider seeing your primary care physician and explain how you feel.  I was deeply depressed and the anti-depressants really helped me.

Peace to you

[justanotherguy25]

it wont last.  I promise you that.  Everything is always made to seem so perfect with them.  they are always "happy" when they are posting things on facebook and any other social media that they may use.   They are going to go through the same thing that you did.

My ex wanted to get married so bad.  She would post pictures of engagement rings on my wall.  This was a week before we broke up. 

try not to over think her actions.  Once her/his new partner is over with, they will just do it again.

[Cimbaruns]

Really

Sending you the biggest hugs

Peace to you and sending you all the strength to get through... .