Summed up problem... still need advice

[Googie]

Its like my DD16 is splitting and it's them against me.  When this popped into my head, I knew I hit it right on the head. 

Googie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Googie... . I am waiting to hear how your meeting went today. Please post when you can.

[peace in steel town]

Googie, I read both your posts, and I don't know what to say. You know the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. We all wish that someone would come along, and wave a magic wand over our loved one and make that person better, but it doesn't work that way. I may be naïve, but I don't understand how someone can be in therapy for months, or years, with no improvement. Usually, people are quite simple, they do what works, they discard what doesn't work. If sticking your hand on a hot plate gave you third degree burns, how many times would you stick your hand on the hot plate? People do what they do because on some level, it works for them. It gets them what they want, they avoid what they don't want. If you want to try to change your dd's behaviour, you have to change how you interact with her. It's no guarantee, because her behaviour is still her choice. Make consequences stick, don't cover for her, if she falls, let her fall. If she runs away, lock the doors and change the locks. It's hard to itemize what you should do for her every behaviour, but you need to set up boundaries, for you, and not let her cross them. Remember, she does what she does because it works for her. It gets you to cave, it gets her out of therapy, it gets her what she wants.   

[lbjnltx]

Cant say that I fully understand what the problem is Googie... . what I do understand is the "them against me" problem.

Stand firm if you are fully confident in your decisions, knowledge and understanding... . even if you stand alone.

lbjnltx

[Googie]

Sorry its taken so long to respond, I've been barely getting back into the groove of life since I signed my 16DD out of therapeutic foster care which MY therapist deemed brilliant.  My 16DD was able to show one side to her team and make herself out to be victimized by the family (all of whom have been assaulted and physically injured by her).

Now that she is home I am ready to pull not only my hair out but the hair of the case manager who decided to change her ax1 and ax2 dx to be completely ineffective to receive accurate support through intensive in home services.  Thank God the new team sees how serious her behavior is and how much damage has been done by being in an unprofessional agency.  The third therapist that has worked with our family has quit due to the constant minimizing of my DD's serious and chronic issues.

Now the new dilemma that was just dropped on my shoulders is that she may be pregnant... .  no surprise but still am going under the philosophy of I won't believe it until I know for sure, so pregnancy tests will be bought tomorrow and all the worrying can commence when there is reason to.

I can not begin to express how important it is to fight fight fight for what is right for our kids.  I knew this placement was going downhill due to certain comments and condescending statements that were purposely stated to offend me and my supportive family and friends.  Everything became a joke or minimized by her treatment team but thank goodness her therapist knew what was going on and quit which lead to my decision to sign her out of care.

Now the pregnancy... .  it's infuriating to me that she was not followed closely enough to ensure her meds were taken as prescribed, but of course that has been put on my shoulders as something I am responsible for even though the med lapses were on their watch not mine.

If you feel something is wrong, make sure you make it right.  These kids need to get accurate and consistent care or they end up back home pregnant.  Or in a position where the skills they once knew how and were willing to use are no longer needed because the manipulation factor has become more effective due to lack of intelligent support to see the manipulation as interference with proper therapeutic progress.

Some places want the easiest possible outcome and will create that by downgrading ax1 and ax2 dx that allows for less attention to be placed on the more difficult aspects of an individuals mental health treatment.



Tomorrow I will know what is true and what games are being played.  I am so tired of all this bs I could scream.  Up and down, up and down.

Googie