Energy Spent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I believe that many of us spend way too much energy worrying about our uBPDso's.  I understand that this is a disorder, but they do have an understanding of how they are and DO chose not to get help. 

To those of us on the fence I think the change of leaving is very hard.  And I know some of us have children in the mix too.  As I look back to my previous marriage, I chose to end it and leave because he was verbally abusive and narcissistic and I didn't want my daughter to grow up seeing her mother treated that way.  Although, my ex agreed to move out.  My current BF WON'T leave. 

When I fell in love with my current uBPDbf I really thought he was very different from my ex-husband.  No he doesn't verbally abuse me infront of my child, but yes he has been verbally abusive when he rages which is usually when he is drunk.  He is controlling in that he is demanding of my time, but at he convenience and his terms.  When having a conversation with my daughter (8yrs old), while driving the other day, I stated that my uBPDbf doesn't care what we do when we are home and he's not there... . her response was that "he's like daddy" (which is my ex-husband)... .   Wow!

Also, last night I did something for myself & daughter, was gone 3hrs., when I returned home he was quiet only spoke when asked a question, etc.  My daughter came up to me and said "he doesn't seem very happy with you."  Again Wow!

Now I'm back at that place I was with my ex-husband and not wanting my daughter to grow-up with this.  How I wish I had just $50,000, it would make it soo much easier.   

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I believe that many of us spend way too much energy worrying about our uBPDso's.  I understand that this is a disorder, but they do have an understanding of how they are and DO chose not to get help. 

To those of us on the fence I think the change of leaving is very hard.  And I know some of us have children in the mix too.  As I look back to my previous marriage, I chose to end it and leave because he was verbally abusive and narcissistic and I didn't want my daughter to grow up seeing her mother treated that way.  Although, my ex agreed to move out.  My current BF WON'T leave. 

When I fell in love with my current uBPDbf I really thought he was very different from my ex-husband.  No he doesn't verbally abuse me infront of my child, but yes he has been verbally abusive when he rages which is usually when he is drunk.  He is controlling in that he is demanding of my time, but at he convenience and his terms.  When having a conversation with my daughter (8yrs old), while driving the other day, I stated that my uBPDbf doesn't care what we do when we are home and he's not there... . her response was that "he's like daddy" (which is my ex-husband)... .   Wow!

Also, last night I did something for myself & daughter, was gone 3hrs., when I returned home he was quiet only spoke when asked a question, etc.  My daughter came up to me and said "he doesn't seem very happy with you."  Again Wow!

Now I'm back at that place I was with my ex-husband and not wanting my daughter to grow-up with this.  How I wish I had just $50,000, it would make it soo much easier.   

[Forestaken]

Your place or his?

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We both own together.  And when we bought the house I used $16,000 from the sale of my previous home as the downpayment.  So, for me to leave and buy a new home, I need my 16 plus he has to refinance me off the house.  Also, 98% of the items in the home all the way down to the silverware and medicine is mine and I have to move it ALL!

[Forestaken]

Married - how long?

Documentation on the $16K?

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Married - how long?

Documentation on the $16K?

Not married... .

Yes... .

I know when I do go, I will be slandered, etc.  I'm also concerned he will damage things of mine.

[Forestaken]

Married - how long?

Documentation on the $16K?

Not married... .

Yes... .

I know when I do go, I will be slandered, etc.  I'm also concerned he will damage things of mine.

Not to tell you what to do, but things can be replaced but peace can't.  I finished a conflictful divorce 2+ years and still have to tie up loose ends.  What would I do different? File for divorce sooner.  I hid sleected items in various locations at work with relatives .  I was slandered in court, the Judges have heard it all before, it's only about the assets.