NC 3 months out... are much much better...

[falconfree28]

It's just been over 3 months NC since my breakup with my BPDexgf.

What a difference, this has been an absolutely defining month for me, a month of so many firsts and changes within me and for the little blips of negativity, there's big huge gains of so much positivity.

It's a real tough journey which I'm still on, this is not goodbye, thanks I'm fixed, this is more to inspire others who might be reaching for the phone, Facebook message on their BPDex's doorbell.

I know some of the reasons I ended up with her, I now understand why she is like she is, and most importantly that I'm moving on to better things and to focus on myself and deserve a better person who is deserved of me.

I've always had a fear of water since nearly drowning as a kid and I took my first strokes after three months with a swimming coach, who's been really patient and understanding, this focus alone leaped me forward. My counsellor has put me on the right path and help me discover that my father has had a huge hold on me with some ingenious emotional manipulation through my childhood and teenage years, another breakthrough happened when I think her "replacement" (not entirely sure if he's being strung along as a friend or he's full on boyfriend) attempted to try and wind me up and I just remained polite, told him "he was acting wierd" got up and walked off - I would've taken it months ago.

I'm returning back to me, to who I was but a better constantly improving person who can do things better, I'm even getting that "kerching - hmmm she's nice feeling" back when I talk to girls I like.

Yep I've lost quite a few friends in my dance community through my NC on her and being painted blacker than black but it's a loss I'll have to accept, but I've also gained even closer friends in this community and their the ones who have stuck by me, as for my BPDexgf, well she's lost weight (too much) haircut makes it look worse and from what I'm hearing she's spending money like crazy and so her merry-go-round starts again.

The anchor she once had around mehas just been freed, as I float back up and breathe the fresh new air back into my lungs, feel the warmth of the sun and swim onto a new destination, you'll find another person to attach that anchor to. I do wish you the best for the future, I sincerely hope maybe one day you're look up and free your own anchor but I fear those bolts have rusted so much you may see the only way is to hope someone can bring that fresh air down to you but it'll soon become stale and you'll need another fresh breath and the pattern will continue.

[foiles]

Good for you falcon free! That's a big step forward-swimming. I, too, was ready to do new things so i took up snowboarding. So much fun, although my neck might not agree. At some point we start to move on and breaking through old barriers is very affirming.

Foiles