Hi LunaGirl,
1. I am wondering if the perceived needs of a person suffering BPD are purely based on their past, or if they are somewhat general personality traits in general too. For example, some people are more affectionate than other people, this does not necessarily mean that the person endured environmental difficulties which resulted in their propensity for affectionate behaviour/s. Are the controlling traits of a BPD sufferer part of the non BPD affected personality as well?
If you can tell me exactly what "personality" is... .
BPD is complex and probably has multiple "causes" or "causing behavior" or "emotional drivers" or whatever which conspire and result in BPD behavior. Working therapy for BPD like DBT tries to tackle a number of them. The "causes" are partially biological, partly learned and partly rooted in traumatic experiences. Progress on therapy of BPD quickened with the advent of DBT which focused more on the self sustaining emotional problems (and behavioral problem creating behavior) the pwBPD faces now and less on whatever finally set the train in motion in the past.
PTSD is somewhat different in that there are distinct drivers in the past and it can be seen more narrowly as an anxiety / avoidance problem.
2. Are the good times, in general, in non severe BPD cases, mostly the personality of the person? (Perhaps altered by fears and various environmental factors of the past)
PwBPD have a personality - often a fairly intense one. The good and bad are all part of it - but often are magnified. In relationships when not both sides take care there is a risk that a dynamic sets in that keeps the bad a lot more active. This board is dedicated to see that this is not happening and both sides see the light.
3. Is it a good idea to help a BPD sufferer out of a split state? Generally my partner and I both recognise the state, it is most often brought on by and/or or deepened by stress. If that happens, generally we give each other some room. We value each other above any potential argument or disagreement, so we refuse to argue. We have not had a single argument to date.
If it is a good idea to help a BPD sufferer out of a split state, what is a good method? Is it a good idea just to keep to ourselves when she splits? We do not live together but see each other for hours a day, most days. When we do not have college classes together we voip, call or message each other pretty much constantly, for hours a night.
It is hard to reach someone who is dysregulated, disassociating or splitting. Giving space is usually the best course of action. When you read up on boundaries you'll see that we typically advice to take a step back and disengage for some time.
4. Is group therapy required?
My partner and I are both introverted. We have always enjoyed a lot of time alone and in general, we both do not join groups of people. Interestingly, she and I both enjoy each others' company and we do not grow weary of each other like we do other people. She has a therapist and does not want to participate in group therapy, in all honesty she and I feel that it may even be counter productive. We have no trust issues and can confide in each other.
What therapy works best in an individual case should be determined by patient and professional. Group therapy is a part of DBT and at least in that context has proven of value. It is worth noting that DBT is a fairly strict framework to deal exactly with the concerns your partner has. She needs to discuss this with her T - as PTSD sufferer with BPD there will be a lot of anxiety. At one point in time she probably will have to make some uncomfortable steps but when she is ready only they can determine.
(Please note, although we are both students, we are adults. She is 23, I am 34. We are in a lesbian relationship and are generally very happy together.)
As the older one you may feel some responsibility to protect her. Keep in mind that it is even more important to protect your strength as it will be needed at times.
