How are you personally being benefitted by being with your BPD?

[Samuel S.]

A question that I keep up coming up with for myself and I am sure a lot of you may ask is the following: How are you personally being benefitted by being with your BPD? Granted, you may have a lot invested with your BPD financially and/or perhaps with kids. Yet, where do you draw the line? How are you yourself able to thrive with the rollercoaster ride with your BPD? What do you personally gain?

I personally benefit for those times when my BPDw is actually kind and pays attention to me which are few and far between. A very good example was with Father's Day this last Sunday. She and her D17 devoted the afternoon with me which I appreciated. I truly felt like we were a family, but now, as the week has progressed, it is back to the same old same old. She has reverted to sparse moments of interaction with me. Also, her D17 is a chip off the old block, if you will. 

So, again, how are you personally being benefitted by being with your BPD? 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

I get asked this question often by friends and even my therapist.  If a healthy relationship is supposed to be 50/50, what 50% is she contributing?

Objectively speaking:

-I do 90%+ of the housework

-I pay 95%+ of the household bills (she pays for some food)

-I am usually caring for her emotional needs rather than her caring for mine.

-She rarely is in a good frame of mind to do anything or go anywhere. 

-We rarely have sex due to her shame and self hatred issues and depression.  Kinda difficult to have enjoyable sex with someone who thinks they are hideous and a horrible person.

So I ask myself what I get out of it?  Sometimes its difficult to see the positives, but:

-When she is not in complete distress, she's a good companion. 

-I've learned quite a bit about myself by being with her.

-She gives me many loving gestures that make me feel appreciated and wanted. 

But it's tough - on its face this seems like a completely one-sided relationship. 

[Wanda]

 i am not on very often... but i have been with my BPD for 16 years he is very high functioning when i first started we went through the separation and three times a week rages, they are now far and few . my kids were young he helped raised them, i asked myself plenty of times why stay? at first it was because of the kids they needed a dad, now they are all grown up. and through the years i learned to walk away. i learned the skills i needed to i come on here to remind me he has this horrible disease.  he does not know he has this or will he .   he is still better then my EX . that and i lov him.

[peiper]

Not much

I was constantly berated. Given hurdles to jump to prove that I love her. I payed the bills yet she makes more then I do. The worst part was her leaving at the drop of a hat and constantly threatening to move while singing a little ditty "your gonna miss me when Im gone", thats while she was moving some of her stuff to storage. When things were good they were very good, but it got to the point where that wasnt often.