Tried to be friends

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So after months of LC, she had apologized for how she treated me and wanted to be friends. I got some kind of closure from her that all of us on here hope for. Why not try to be friends? We slept together once and agreed that we wouldn't make it complicated. And by that I mean that I wouldn't get emotionally engaged.

Then she wanted to keep my security deposit and pay me back gradually. Naturally, I have learned to not trust this person, so I said I would if she signed an agreement to pay me back. Since then she hasn't talked to me.

I don't regret what I did, I layed down a boundary and stuck to it. I still feel so hurt though. I have backtracked in my healing process.

[drxap]

So after months of LC, she had apologized for how she treated me and wanted to be friends. I got some kind of closure from her that all of us on here hope for. Why not try to be friends? We slept together once and agreed that we wouldn't make it complicated. And by that I mean that I wouldn't get emotionally engaged.

Then she wanted to keep my security deposit and pay me back gradually. Naturally, I have learned to not trust this person, so I said I would if she signed an agreement to pay me back. Since then she hasn't talked to me.

I don't regret what I did, I layed down a boundary and stuck to it. I still feel so hurt though. I have backtracked in my healing process.

[patientandclear]

As a wise poster on here ("1989" says, being friends after a BPD relationship is another way of saying you keep giving everything you were giving, but now without any right to any particular expectations and without any accountability about what they will be giving in return.  It usually seems to play out to be profoundly unequal and hurtful.  I say that, having run a long experiment in what started as a sincere friendship with my ex.  I wouldn't recommend it.  It set the table for an exploitative dynamic which I only realized when I was pretty deep in.

[enlighten me]

I wish I had found out about BPD before I left my ex.

It has left me in a position where she holds all the cards now. I moved out of my own home as I was not willing to kick my son and her children onto the street. We also had the friends talk and at the time I thought our troubles where down to my work cycle of coming and going every 6 weeks. I thought that the stress of renovating our home and her pregnancy had got us to a place where we needed to reset our relationship and start from the beginning. We discussed how we should build up our friendship and then work our way up from there.

I now realise that this is a safety net for her. She gets a roof over her and her childrens heads, maintenance money and has me at her beck and call for all those all important jobs that need doing.

For this reason I have decided that I will find a way of telling her how she is and how I suspect she has BPD. The worst that can happen is that she will paint me black and go NC. So at least I wont have to do the DIY jobs 

She may even move out so I will get my home back and be better off financially.

Best case scenario she gets help and gets on with her life leaving me and the children in a much better place.

[Mutt]

Then she wanted to keep my security deposit and pay me back gradually. Naturally, I have learned to not trust this person, so I said I would if she signed an agreement to pay me back. Since then she hasn't talked to me.

I don't regret what I did, I layed down a boundary and stuck to it. I still feel so hurt though. I have backtracked in my healing process.

You didn't hear back from her likely because she didn't want to pay it back or entirely. Don't be hard on yourself drxap. Kudos for laying down a boundary and stick to your guns  She's emotionally immature and is looking out for her needs. If you don't get your money back you have saved yourself from the emotional headaches that she will put you through in getting it back. Can you recover from her not paying you back?

[Alex86]

Or maybe she thought that you didn't give her enough attention. I believe this is the reasoning:

You preferred to think about the money and not her-->

You don't have strong emotions for her-->

You don't really like her-->

You don't love her enough-->

She can't be with someone who doesn't love her.

This is a similar situation by which I was painted black.

[BacknthSaddle]

... . being friends after a BPD relationship is another way of saying you keep giving everything you were giving, but now without any right to any particular expectations and without any accountability about what they will be giving in return.  

I think this is unassailably true.  In fact, I think that, if we think about it, many of us will find that we entered this stage before we even technically exited the romantic relationship.  I know I did.