Messaged ExBdpGf

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was feeling like nothing was wrong and i missed my ex so I messaged my ex the other day and said " Hey *****, how are you?"


She said

"I'm doing great - B*** is doing great (one of out dogs we had together) . We're on the east coast for the summer. Hope all is well with you Have a good summer **** !:)"

It's amazing to me because she didnt ask how I am nor did she ask how our other dog was doing... . We have been pretty much no contact for around a year except for every 3 months when she calls me and tells me she misses me... .

I just feel like after everything we have been through she could've asked how we both were doing... . But i guess thats the nature of the beast... . I didnt reply to that because clearly she didnt want to have a conversation... .

CONVERSATIONS ONLY HAPPEN ON HER TERMS... . ITS REALLY MESSED UP... .

[magichat101]

I was feeling like nothing was wrong and i missed my ex so I messaged my ex the other day and said " Hey *****, how are you?"


She said

"I'm doing great - B*** is doing great (one of out dogs we had together) . We're on the east coast for the summer. Hope all is well with you Have a good summer **** !:)"

It's amazing to me because she didnt ask how I am nor did she ask how our other dog was doing... . We have been pretty much no contact for around a year except for every 3 months when she calls me and tells me she misses me... .

I just feel like after everything we have been through she could've asked how we both were doing... . But i guess thats the nature of the beast... . I didnt reply to that because clearly she didnt want to have a conversation... .

CONVERSATIONS ONLY HAPPEN ON HER TERMS... . ITS REALLY MESSED UP... .

[BorisAcusio]

I was feeling like nothing was wrong and i missed my ex so I messaged my ex the other day and said " Hey *****, how are you?"


She said

"I'm doing great - B*** is doing great (one of out dogs we had together) . We're on the east coast for the summer. Hope all is well with you Have a good summer **** !:)"

It's amazing to me because she didnt ask how I am nor did she ask how our other dog was doing... . We have been pretty much no contact for around a year except for every 3 months when she calls me and tells me she misses me... .

I just feel like after everything we have been through she could've asked how we both were doing... . But i guess thats the nature of the beast... . I didnt reply to that because clearly she didnt want to have a conversation... .

CONVERSATIONS ONLY HAPPEN ON HER TERMS... . ITS REALLY MESSED UP... .

You've been here for 11 months, should have known by now. Lesson learned.

[free-n-clear]

CONVERSATIONS ONLY HAPPEN ON HER TERMS... . ITS REALLY MESSED UP... .

 I'd guess that if you think back to when you were in the r/s, say from the start of the devaluation phase, you'd realise that from that point to this, pretty much everything was on her terms and everything was really messed up. It's par for the course, sadly.  

[willbegood]

I think that's actually a pretty nice response coming from someone with BPD.

I've found they are generally fairly guarded at first until they figure out why you're contacting them.

My ex ask about the dog when she's lonely. It's her way of saying she's lonely and wants to see me. Other than that she's not going to open herself up to showing she cares.

[Mutt]

It's amazing to me because she didnt ask how I am nor did she ask how our other dog was doing... .

I just feel like after everything we have been through she could've asked how we both were doing... .

CONVERSATIONS ONLY HAPPEN ON HER TERMS... .

Narcissim and egocentricity. My ex is BPD/NPD.

Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:

 
• Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
  
     
  
   
• Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
  
     
  
   
• Envies others and believes others envy him/her
  
     
  
   
• Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
  
     
  
   
• Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
  
   
  
   
• Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
  
     
  
   
• Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic.

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

[talithacumi]

I was feeling like nothing was wrong and i missed my ex ... .

Next time you find yourself missing your ex enough to prompt you to even want to make contact again, maybe you'll ask yourself what's wrong, instead of allowing yourself to believe there's really nothing wrong.

You said it's been pretty much over a year since you've had any real contact with her other than the calls she makes every three months or so to ask about your dog/tell you she misses you.

Where were you in that cycle when you found yourself missing her so much?