Family shrinking and only people left are not well

[funfunctional]

Hi,

I was taught what BPD is by my sister-in-law.  She gave me book & showed me how her mother (my MIL) is BPD.    My husband and I looked at it and "YUP".

Well lately I really have come to conclusion my sister is.   I have watched her crazy behavior for years.  It is all built around creating divides in the family.   She hates certain family members cause in her mind they have abandoned her.   The same family members she has ignored & not made any efforts to treat them like human beings.  So it is really her behavior that is the issue.    Her expectation is that people are supposed to CARE for her.   Doesn't matter how old she gets.  AND, the people that do care for her she can turn ON in a second if they don't meet her expectations.  She is scared to be alone.  She also has low self-esteem and you can tell her she is not fat over and over and it won't matter.    There are addiction issues with alcohol & pills at time.    There are also episodes of losing control.    Problem is that she is creating divides and divisions in what is left of a small family - people aren't talking.   She passes on destructive information to make sure my brother isn't talking to me and my brother isn't talking to my dad.   People that have been in the family for years she hates & if they aren't able to DO for her - they are gone.

Besides my husband and kids - she is all I have left for family and I am just feeling lately like I can't do it anymore.   The anger she directs at me and the "you're so lucky" and the "poor me" when I look at her life and all the issues in it she made!    She left her husband... . she hooked up with a loser ... . and now hooking up with this criminal again.       She protects her relationships with people by making sure they hate me or anyone else she needs them to hate.     Sad.  People don't talk therefore she isn't getting help.   

[Valley Quail]

Hi FUNFUNCTIONAL,


I'm sorry for the pain and frustration of what you're going through. I can completely understand... because my mom was the only family I really had left, and I had to go no contact to save myself. You are not alone.


That is great that you do have a husband, kids, and sister-in-law in your life... . and that you are able to see the facts of the situation surrounding your sister. I believe that when we are ready to, if we are able to let go of the negative, destructive people or situations in our lives... better ones WILL find us.

I'm so sorry for the pain, frustration, and confusion. I can relate to a lot of what you mentioned. You are really great at seeing through the manipulation & f.o.g. (fear, obligation, & guilt.) Wishing you peace and blessings to come.

[funfunctional]

Thank you for your kind words.

I am thankful for the support I have... . tough that you only had your mom.    Tough decision to make.

Best to you.

[Valley Quail]

Thanks so much FUNFUNCTIONAL... . best to you also.

[deux soeurs]

I am sorry for the dysfunction your uBPD sister creates.  My family is small too, and divides were created until my brother and I figured her out.  Unfortunately it is a sad reality of BPD.  Just remember the most important thing is your mental well being and that of your family.  I have always had to lean on friends and some times that is a god send.  We choose our friends, not our family.  Radical acceptance helps too.  Your are not alone and I so appreciate your kind words to me.  Take care... .

[funfunctional]

Hi,

Yes Pink.  Friends.    I moved about 4 years ago and when I did I left behind my support system of friends.  I am rebuilding now!  Take a while as we get older and the kids are now teens.

What you said really resonated with me "take care of your own mental well being".    Dealing with a BPD sibling or mother can leave us feeling "out of balance".    I am learning more & more everyday to DEAL and block out the negativity.

I employed a lot of healing techniques (new age) and attend classes in energy clearing and blocking that for me has really helped.