im angry

[Blimblam]

im ___in angry!

here I am alone and I want my best friend back to talk to. I passed up on a chance to recycle and now she got a new dude.  AAAARRGH... . sometimes I like being alone and sometimes I hate it! its not fair AAAARRRGGHHH!

[enlighten me]

Hang in there Blimblam.

Theres a lot of advice here that seems harsh and you don't see it as being best for your situation. Sometimes we need people to be hard with us to snap us out of things.

What helped with me is that I am mechanically minded. I like to see how the gears turn for the end result to happen. With this I have analysed my situation and come to the following conclusions.

Yes we do have deep feelings for them and that wont change overnight. The reason for this is how effective their mirroring was and the fact they let us part way inside their defences in the beginning, The being let in is a sort of relief for them to be able to show their vulnerabilities but this soon ends and the walls go up again brick by brick with every perceived slight.

You are part of a cycle. That cycle is meets guy and idolises him, doesn't want to lose guy then totally disillusioned with guy. You are now on her naughty list as you got close to her and the guilt she feels for what she did hurts her and you are a reminder of that hurt. Its not until she is unable to meet someone else or the next partner is in the disillusionment stage that she will tink of you in a good way.

They are not who you think they are. You will only have seen a glimpse of their true self. The majority of what you witnessed is a show. It is like falling in love with a film star because the character they play is so wonderful.

I have analysed every detail I could remember and it has cut through the confusion. My conclusion is that yes I loved her but but she is too messed up and unstable for there ever to be a future.

[Blimblam]

thank you... . I have seen a bunch of sides of her... . I probably have seen more of her than anybody shes ever known.  Ive seen the entire picture.  Its so twisted so very very twisted.  at the same time I want to punish her for it sexually... . if that makes sense... . it kind of triggers something in me... .

[enlighten me]

I can fully understand the revenge side of things.

It helps to be angry to want to make them suffer as much as you have but this is a phase and it will pass.

Before my uBPDexgf I was married for 10 years. This was my first proper relationship and I knew no better. I went through all kinds of hell. Not the hell from a BPD but from a HPD. Yes my ex wife was histrionic. The different conditions that she was suffering from, depression, ME, bi-polar etc etc. She was loving and we rarely argued (I think only once). But when it ended I found out the truth. All the lies that she had spun. I used her mental health issues in court during the custody and when her records came back non of the afflictions she supposedly had were there.

Before we split up we went for counselling. After the split I saw the therapist on my own and somehow she let slip that my ex wife had a mental condition.

I went through all the emotions that you are going through now. Eventually I pitied her. She would never have a fulfilling life as she could not change. There is no need for revenge as they punish themselves daily.

Having just finished with myuBPDexgf I have gone through all of the emotions but come out the other side a lot quicker. Im still not quite there yet but hopefully it wont be too long.

Yes in the beginning anger helps but you have to let it go. The best therapy I found was just talking about it to anyone who would listen. You will know when your getting better as you will be bored of talking about it and that's when you can really get on with your life.

[Blimblam]

I almost regret not going to her when she was perceptive I had a couple chances at the end of her other relationships.  argh I might the next one when I fails

I don't know... . I got lonelt and I wanted  to text her.  and Idk  I had a chance.  ___ her... I thought it though... . I am glad we didn't have a kid and I don't want a relationship with her again ... . I just don't know... . I hate leaving it like that... . so strange not fair I hate this damn disorder

[mitti]

Hi Blimblam,

Sorry that it is so hard and having regrets is an awful thing because it is so damaging wanting to go back in time and do differently - wanting-to-crawl-out-of-your-skin stuff.

When my uBPDxbf and I broke up 1,5 years ago I was strong, I stuck to my boundaries and I chose to protect myself instead of what I had done before, grovel and put up with everything to have him stop shutting me out. We could have fixed it if I had remained in our pattern but I didn't because it was slowly killing me and there was not enough in it for me, for me. There were many ways for me to have not had it become a breakup because it was only one of his usual tantrums, but I didn't fix it for him that time and now he won't speak to me.

I have regretted my decision so many times and been sleepless and agonizing over why I didn't just call him as usual 2 days after he had told me we were through. But then I remember how awful I had felt for months leading up to the breakup, I was in so much emotional want from this man. I just couldn't take another letdown. And had I gone back I would still be there because I would have reinforced his behaviour. Imagine what your life would be like had you stayed with your ex. How would you be feeling now?

[mitti]

And another thing - you won't feel angry always. It does fade, and so does the pity. I don't feel sorry for my x anymore, nor am I angry with him. I can have moments of it, sure, but most of the time I just feel like I have forgiven him completely, even these days when he is doing his best to get under my skin.

Hang in there, it does get better