BPD and Friendzoning

[screwedfriend]

Is it common for single BPD females to keep a group of people that they friend or toy with and use for material gain or say transportation? Do they treat these people badly out of some sort of perverse satisfaction or need to preemptively split with them before they get wise and leave them as well? That being someone they will refer to others as a friend that they do not sleep with. This seems to be my experience and I felt abruptly betrayed by her because she had led me to believe otherwise.

She has texted and called me. i messaged her that I cared for her but was messed up  and hurt and could not see her now. I feel so betrayed by her behavior and actions I really cannot face her in person. I don't know if I ever will be able to. When I hear form her I feel somewhat better briefly but it emediately brings back Saturday and Sunday, what she did and  how she behaved and reacted when confronted about it. The way I feel then is betrayed and crushed emotionally. She has made me look like a fool to everyone around her, like neighbors and friends. She has destroyed my trust in her and basically broken my heart. But I know if we talk or see each other and i bring this back up she will probably rage. She said she called me to see how I was and let me know she did not hate me and to see if I hated her. I told I could never hate her. However I do feel hurt and betrayed by her I told her I was hurt and messed up but not that she has betrayed me. I honestly do not think she thinks she has. Any rational person would see the evidence is overwhelming that she intentionally betrayed and hurt me. When I tell her I need to be away from her and though I care about her am totally depressed and messed up she is matter of fact and ambivalent. Like she doesn't even realize how horrible she has been to me considering I waited on her and tried to love her for two months or more and fell for her and she made excuses and then seemingly slept with almost a stranger overnight. It is almost sureal. I may talk to her again but I cannot live with that incident without telling her how it has tortured me and why. I am pretty sure that will cause anger and drive her away for good because she says it was none of my business and that she didn't do anything. She did, she misled me and purposfully planned this date or whatever it was which involved sex or not. That really doesn't matter To me her not even being willing to discuss it is an almost admission of guilt. So I guess a person with BPD just refuses to acknowledge or see the cold reality of what their actions do to others? I will probably see her again and I want to get her alone and delicately approach my feelings but I don't think thats gonna work. I feel I am just playing the last round of somehthing that is doomed and destroyed. She has destroyed anything between us even friendship but I think to her it is just a game and means nothing except that she will lose whatever services I provided. Does this fit any previous patterns of BPD women because from what I have read it sounds about right. When i revisit what she did and we break for good which will probably be soon, I feel she will just try to make herself look like the victim and hide the fact that she led me on and act like I am stalking her.

[screwedfriend]

i thought this quote was appropriate though I am not supposed to refer to this as love. It still feels like love though psychologically I guess obsessed or addicted is more accurate. " Love is greatest of dreams, yet the worst of nightmares" Some say Shakespeare said it. I will just leave it at unkown. I have never had a love that hasn't been. That is the problem I have codependence or whatever. I feel like I will probably ask the VA if they will put me through therapy now. Because i have some serious problems to I think.

[Blimblam]

I am sorry you went through that.

In my experience my ex she liked to keep a few guys in friend zone for rides or narcissistic supply or whatever.  I think it is common for girls to friend zone a couple guys for that type of thing though.

[free-n-clear]

Is it common for single BPD females to keep a group of people that they friend or toy with and use for material gain or say transportation?

   Yes, and they also do it when they're not single. From my experience a pwBPD regards themselves as 'single' again as soon as their partner leaves for work in the morning.

She has destroyed my trust in her and basically broken my heart. But I know if we talk or see each other and I bring this back up she will probably rage.

   You won't get any closure from her, screwedfriend, as much as you might want to. The best way for us to get closure is by working on our own issues. Those of us who become romantically involved with pwBPD tend to be a bit Co-dependent. We're people-pleasers, "rescuers", Knights in Shining Armour. That's not in itself a bad thing, but it can get us into unhealthy situations or relationships. Co-dependency: When Our Emotional Issues Affect Our True Availability will shed some light on this for you.

[BorisAcusio]

   Yes, and they also do it when they're not single. From my experience a pwBPD regards themselves as 'single' again as soon as their partner leaves for work in the morning.

Spot on.