Here I'm speaking not of the boundaries we all should have with our BPDSO, but geographical and cultural ones. In the months I've been reading this board and more recently as a member, I have marveled at how many of us have not only the same stories but can quote the exact same statements and behaviors from our respective BPDs down to the last word uttered or action taken.
Hey welcome to the forums!
Its true that BPD's tend to say the exact same things... no matter the age, the location or the culture.
Much of this stems from the globalisation of media, and the tendency of BPDs to spend LOTS of time watching movies.
My uBPDw was born and raised in Asia and I in the US. She has lived in the west for 25% of her life, mostly as a stay at home mom. And while culture does affect certain triggers and responses in her, it doesn't explain the illness.
BPD is believed to come from daddy neglect and overcompensating mothers - this is the well established cause of the psychological disorder. Its not so much an illness, as it is 'who they are'.
I've read posts from people all over the world and from those who seek forgiveness for their lack of proficiency in English. They all share the same stories as me, as us. In fact, they are us and we them. We are one.
It is really... coincidental... . I guess, just how similar these things are, they shouldn't be... but they are. But it does seem to follow the same patterns. This could be accounted for by the stuff that sticks in our memories. For instance no to sufferers of BPD are the same, they all do have their own individual little quirks, beliefs, interests, thoughts. But there is enough behavioural patterns to allow it to be classified as BPD.
For some reason, this struck me today and really helped validate that this is an illness and that it isn't my fault. I shouldn't personalize or internalize what has happened. I should grieve so I may grow.
Exactly, it has to be in many ways treated like a death. When you've been painted black, the person you knew, she's gone.
I know sometimes I have a tough time accepting the illness because I can't see the lump in an x-ray or see the results of the EKG. I can't make my uBPDw spend an afternoon in a CT scanner to bring closure. In this respect, it is as nebulous as it is insidious.
Its hard, especially when you discover BPD after they've gone - to 100% be sure they have it. You can only go on your own memories. But chances are if you're sitting here on these forums trying to figure it all out - that your ex has BPD. Your closure will come at some point. Sometimes its as simple as you deciding they're not worth the heartache.
But perhaps our shared stories across cultural and geographical lines can help us better comprehend that which at times seems incomprehensible.
It is a global family of healing. For me, knowing I can help people come to terms with their situation, that makes everything I've gone through these past few months worthwhile.
Anyways, I hope this observation helps others as it has helped me. And if others have similar cross cultural/geographical experiences from sharing on this board, I would appreciate hearing from you (without divulging personal information of course).
Make sure to comment various threads, share your knowledge, experience. Keep researching, we're ALL friends here.
