Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 10:32:35 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: "I just made you up to hurt myself"  (Read 351 times)
sea_of_wounds

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 25


« on: July 01, 2014, 12:01:41 AM »

This NIN lyric popped into my head just now.  In so many ways, I feel like I kept "making up" the good, loving, true, emotionally deep, caring, charming person---kept "making up" that side of her, even when all the  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)   kept telling me it was just one of the many, many masks she wore, all to achieve a certain goal when it suited her mood, her need.

But I chose to keep creating and re-creating the beautiful side of her, the one I loved so much, despite all the horrible pain, shame, humiliation, discardment, and abuse.

It all seemed so real.

I wish I had understood what she meant when she kept telling me she felt like "an alien".  She was always calling herself an alien.  I used to think it was a kind of endearing self-effacement--a sign that she was humble, felt a little socially awkward, etc.

Her smugness and self-aggrandisement, self-entitlement, lack of empathy---it killed that notion---but it was a slow, slow death.

I still think that beautiful side of her is the "real" side.  But every side of her is just as real---all of them compartmentalised.  All of them switching on and off at will, depending on the circumstance.

Too many masks.  Too many lies.  Too much pain. 
Logged
Blimblam
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2892



WWW
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2014, 12:55:46 AM »

I still think that beautiful side of her is the "real" side.  But every side of her is just as real---all of them compartmentalised.  All of them switching on and off at will, depending on the circumstance.

Too many masks.  Too many lies.  Too much pain. 

yea.  Depending on who she is trying to please.  They sure do love playing the different sides against each other. 
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!