Need Advice

[Depression = 72% of members]

   I have recently gotten into a very strange fight with my boyfriend, one in which has left me in a lot of emotional pain.    I think it was a split,but not a full split, I'd call it a mini split, or maybe a longated split that has lasted 5 months.  He keeps giving me mixed messages.  We used to chat  alot and do skype alot but ever since the first split it took a long time to get him to want to skype again,  and his chatting patterns had changed. Things got better and we got into pattern where he would chat with me in the morning, sometimes in the after noon and usually at night before he went to bed. ,  then as time went by it got less and less.  Now during the summer months he never contacts me in the morning any more,  never during the day,  and only at night about 10 minutes before he goes to bed.   It started to bother me because I felt like he was doing that to regulate the time and it all ways seemed that right when I was ready to start talking about something, he would yawn and say oh,  time for bed!   I wasnt sure if I was imagining it or if he was intentional doing this when he wanted to go. Hed say he was going to bed, but then I'd notice he just put a post up 5 minutes later sometime 10.  Ok so he didnt go to bed right away,  no big deal.


                                       Then,  here's the problem:   yesterday for no reason he didnt contact me at all, and this isnt like him,  if im not there,out side, he would at least leave a message anyways which I think is very nice.       But yesterday there was nothing. Didnt hear a thing from him all day, even though I noticed him putting up post here and there... .he wouldnt talk to me.  Then I noticed on his wall a statement saying: "Something doesn't feel right about today"   and I was thinking:  Ah Oh... .Is he having another episode?

                                  I finally contacted him today , during the day, off my usually time, ask him how he was,  and as usual I start getting these vague riddle like answers. Not one answer was clear about anything specific.  I almost feel as if he does this on purpose to bate me. He always tells me his problems. We tell each other almost everything.  But this time he was being a real sheet about it and frustrating me when all I wanted to do was to help. he was snotty to me,  for no reason.  and it developed into a fight. I know your not suppose to fight with a BPD, but he was being such a sheet head to me, mean,      He didnt want to talk to me, all he did was provoke me into wondering what on earth was going on with him.  Its like he was playing the carrot and mule game on me.

                                Finally,  we started to argue because I wanted to skype and he wanted to with hold this,  so I said ok,  thats no problem,   and it got out of control from there.  It turned out that he only wanted things set up between us where he can contact me but I cant contact him as a permanent thing.   I threw a gasket,  I dont know if this is just a part of his BPD mood problem  or what.   I think it is. I kept on telling him "This is no relationship!"  This is you being controling and non giving. I asked him out right if he was having an affair  he said no,    relationships have to be give and take and this is no give and take ,He can talk to me any time he wants but I cant talk to him at all< those were the terms.  I have not been doing anything to be disrespectful of his space,  just the opposite.  I dont see why I should even talk to him at all period after him exspecting that of me.  I felt so devalued, and Im so tired of it.  Could somebody please help me out here and tell me that this is not a relationship, that this is not healthy. 

                    Im all ways there for him to help him out with his problems every night, his needs!   Well what about mine?   I asked him, well do I talk to much, or too long,   Ill make a time limit, He like no,   lets just end it!    Ya... .  mean brutal statement like that for no reason!  when just other night hes leaving heart symbols all over the page and xxxxx'x  for me  .What's wrong with him?   

                    I guess I need to reach the next level of acceptance that he does have BPD.  And when this happens he doe--not----- care----  about   my feelings one bit. Its all about him being brutallly mean to me, and he keeps on saying as he does this,  "I dont care what anybody thinks of me"  oh I guess that makes it ok to abuse your girlfriend. Why should I allow him to lower me into a powerless position in reference to him. Isnt this what this is?  Its a huge red flag in my book.  I almost feel like he pushing things to see how far he can get away with it. Becasue Im nice! except when I threw the gasket. 

       I really feel that this is it as far as me lending my time to him.  If he thinks Im a pain in the butt when I just drop inn to say "HI how are you,"      weather this feeling of his was just in the moment of his mood disorder or not which I think it is,  Im still not going to put up with it. If thats how he wants it,  then I am not going to be around for him .  Its weird ,its like hes stuck on this control thing, delussional like Im trying to control him.   He said once ,that he doesnt want to feel obligated to answer me if I write him. Who does he think he is,  the King of Shiam?  I never obligated him to do anything, this is all in his head.  So I figure the best remedy to this nonsense is to just be no longer availible to him , see how he feels when he has to deal with the fear that I might really be gone.  He spoiled.  and this abuse is a form of him taking advantage of me because hes taken me for granted.  He doesnt deserve to hear from me again to be  truthful about it.

                                       

[goingtostopthis]

   I have recently gotten into a very strange fight with my boyfriend, one in which has left me in a lot of emotional pain.    I think it was a split,but not a full split, I'd call it a mini split, or maybe a longated split that has lasted 5 months.  He keeps giving me mixed messages.  We used to chat  alot and do skype alot but ever since the first split it took a long time to get him to want to skype again,  and his chatting patterns had changed. Things got better and we got into pattern where he would chat with me in the morning, sometimes in the after noon and usually at night before he went to bed. ,  then as time went by it got less and less.  Now during the summer months he never contacts me in the morning any more,  never during the day,  and only at night about 10 minutes before he goes to bed.   It started to bother me because I felt like he was doing that to regulate the time and it all ways seemed that right when I was ready to start talking about something, he would yawn and say oh,  time for bed!   I wasnt sure if I was imagining it or if he was intentional doing this when he wanted to go. Hed say he was going to bed, but then I'd notice he just put a post up 5 minutes later sometime 10.  Ok so he didnt go to bed right away,  no big deal.


                                       Then,  here's the problem:   yesterday for no reason he didnt contact me at all, and this isnt like him,  if im not there,out side, he would at least leave a message anyways which I think is very nice.       But yesterday there was nothing. Didnt hear a thing from him all day, even though I noticed him putting up post here and there... .he wouldnt talk to me.  Then I noticed on his wall a statement saying: "Something doesn't feel right about today"   and I was thinking:  Ah Oh... .Is he having another episode?

                                  I finally contacted him today , during the day, off my usually time, ask him how he was,  and as usual I start getting these vague riddle like answers. Not one answer was clear about anything specific.  I almost feel as if he does this on purpose to bate me. He always tells me his problems. We tell each other almost everything.  But this time he was being a real sheet about it and frustrating me when all I wanted to do was to help. he was snotty to me,  for no reason.  and it developed into a fight. I know your not suppose to fight with a BPD, but he was being such a sheet head to me, mean,      He didnt want to talk to me, all he did was provoke me into wondering what on earth was going on with him.  Its like he was playing the carrot and mule game on me.

                                Finally,  we started to argue because I wanted to skype and he wanted to with hold this,  so I said ok,  thats no problem,   and it got out of control from there.  It turned out that he only wanted things set up between us where he can contact me but I cant contact him as a permanent thing.   I threw a gasket,  I dont know if this is just a part of his BPD mood problem  or what.   I think it is. I kept on telling him "This is no relationship!"  This is you being controling and non giving. I asked him out right if he was having an affair  he said no,    relationships have to be give and take and this is no give and take ,He can talk to me any time he wants but I cant talk to him at all< those were the terms.  I have not been doing anything to be disrespectful of his space,  just the opposite.  I dont see why I should even talk to him at all period after him exspecting that of me.  I felt so devalued, and Im so tired of it.  Could somebody please help me out here and tell me that this is not a relationship, that this is not healthy. 

                    Im all ways there for him to help him out with his problems every night, his needs!   Well what about mine?   I asked him, well do I talk to much, or too long,   Ill make a time limit, He like no,   lets just end it!    Ya... .  mean brutal statement like that for no reason!  when just other night hes leaving heart symbols all over the page and xxxxx'x  for me  .What's wrong with him?   

                    I guess I need to reach the next level of acceptance that he does have BPD.  And when this happens he doe--not----- care----  about   my feelings one bit. Its all about him being brutallly mean to me, and he keeps on saying as he does this,  "I dont care what anybody thinks of me"  oh I guess that makes it ok to abuse your girlfriend. Why should I allow him to lower me into a powerless position in reference to him. Isnt this what this is?  Its a huge red flag in my book.  I almost feel like he pushing things to see how far he can get away with it. Becasue Im nice! except when I threw the gasket. 

       I really feel that this is it as far as me lending my time to him.  If he thinks Im a pain in the butt when I just drop inn to say "HI how are you,"      weather this feeling of his was just in the moment of his mood disorder or not which I think it is,  Im still not going to put up with it. If thats how he wants it,  then I am not going to be around for him .  Its weird ,its like hes stuck on this control thing, delussional like Im trying to control him.   He said once ,that he doesnt want to feel obligated to answer me if I write him. Who does he think he is,  the King of Shiam?  I never obligated him to do anything, this is all in his head.  So I figure the best remedy to this nonsense is to just be no longer availible to him , see how he feels when he has to deal with the fear that I might really be gone.  He spoiled.  and this abuse is a form of him taking advantage of me because hes taken me for granted.  He doesnt deserve to hear from me again to be  truthful about it.

                                       

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MaybeSo]

This sounds pretty familiar. BPD looks like what you are describing.

it's the way it works, it's not personal to you or any one person.

he will have strong feelings that are not well regulated.  he will have periods of closeness followed by a sense of engulfment that will lead to distancing behaviors that are disruptive and feel hurtful to partners.

you will have to decide if tackling a relationship with a pwBPD is really what you want. this is of course a very tuff decision to make.

[goingtostopthis]

This sounds pretty familiar. BPD looks like what you are describing.

it's the way it works, it's not personal to you or any one person.

he will have strong feelings that are not well regulated.  he will have periods of closeness followed by a sense of engulfment that will lead to distancing behaviors that are disruptive and feel hurtful to partners.

you will have to decide if tackling a relationship with a pwBPD is really what you want. this is of course a very tuff decision to make.

                     Its hard to see this as not being personal. Especially when he made it very personal. Almost intentionally hurtful.  + I gave some thought to this and it occurred to me that he has not wanted to talk to me because, according to him,  Im 7,000 miles away.   Hes in England and Im in the US.  It appeared his whole additude was that of , why bothering to really talk to me since Im 7,000 miles away.  He wants to go on with his own life (so he says) dispite his confusing contradictions.    Ive told him in a few months I will be in the position to see him again,  but he acts like such a child, if he cant have me now then Im not worth his time. Like Im not even a human being with feelings.  Im not worth his time if Im not there in England. period... Thats been the message.  

                         Hes trying to write me off.  How he could think that I would go along with his new terms, Ill never know.   I dont engulf him... . the only time I do is when he upsets me like this and im not going to blame myself for this.   He must be engulfing himself in his own head.  Hes unhappy, all the time.   so hes unhappy that Im 7,000 miles away and thats his reasoning for treating me badly, for making me worthless, not worth his time.   For putting me off and ignoring me. Devaluing me blatantly.  I guess this is how he feels about himself.

                            I guess its obvious.   The last thing I saw on his page was that he didnt think anybody cared about him. And so with this he goes about making me feel like he doesnt care about me.

Puts me in misery. It sounds like transference to me.   Its not my fault hes an unhappy messed up person and  I know I shouldnt take it so seriously.

             I know I dont want to put up with abuse. He all ready blocked me.  I guess I can think he did it for me.  He saw what I all ready needed to say to him.  But like I said I think the main reason hes being so mean to me is becasue he considers me a waist of his time, because Im 7,000 miles away. Like that isnt hurtful enough! because ive been working my butt off to earn a ticket as soon as I can.  Im not interested anymore in his drama and in his "feel sorry for my self all the time sagas.  He need to find someone else to punish for nothing and leave me alone. Now I think hes just acting like  a baby because   he knows a lot of what I had to say was right. I dont have time for it and i know I need to show him that by going no contact for along as it takes.

I need to sight to remind myself that this is a person with a disorder.  You cant talk them out of it,They dont want to be talked out of it. in my case, my guy just wants to hurt and punish. and my best interest is to get myself  as far away from it as possible. This is how im going to show him that this is my boundary. I refsue to engage in his childishness and this is exactly what I did and is exactly why I got hurt.   Im not going to block him back. Im not going to do anything that reverts to his level.  Im going to try really hard to stay calm and be as loving to myself as I can.  

[MaybeSo]

Its hard to see this as not being personal.

Of course it is hard to see it as not personal, and it is personal in the sense that intimate relationships are personal and affect us personally.

What isn't 'personal' is the disorder itself.

The way the disorder looks and shows-up in relationship is very much the same, regardless of distance or other factors.

Indeed, the closer you get, the more likely to trigger the symptoms of BPD.

Casual acquaintances, short terms flings…in those instances symptoms sometimes never show up, or not fully.

It shows up in close attachments.

Engulfment is just part of the symptoms, The attachment to another person is what eventually feels engulfing.  It's an attachment disorder.  However, when someone abruptly distances from a loved one, it usually stimulates anxiety and an instinct to try to re-restablish closeness…and that can exacerbate their sense of being engulfed.  

Im going to try really hard to stay calm and be as loving to myself as I can.

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good for you... this is a good stance to take no matter what.  


 

[goingtostopthis]

Well this doesnt seem to make any sense to me because we were only talking once a day for about 10 minutes. I was not engulfing him!  He even had the gal to call me co dependant. We live in two different countries! I really hate him right now and I am in so much pain.  He blocked me. I apologized to him through email and left a message on his phone to look at it.  Do you think He has answered me.  Hell no!   

                    I am being punished.  This has got me feeling so messed up right now.  I really think just because hes unhappy right now hes got to find someone to dump this on, to make more unhappy then him. He gets so dam exstream! and mean!  We have planned that I will see him again in about 3 months, this after I move and get a new business underway.  But hes angry because Im not there now!   and I got angry and finally said what have you been doing to come here and see me,  and I answered for him,  I said Nothing! I said he hasnt even been trying to get a job,save money or do something. I maxed out all my cards, to see him and have been paying for it ever since. He wants everything falling in his lap including his benefits and complains about not having any money like the universe has done him some big injustice.  He needs to get off his ass and its like hes punishing me for the lot he's in, like it's my fault.  He hates himself.  I know how this goes, but he cant face that so he has to be hateful to me and make me feel unloved and unwanted like the way he feels, so he doesnt have to feel that way.  I do.  He projects all his helplessness on me.  I cant contact him now. Im blocked. To me this is one of the meanest things a person in a situation like this can do. We have been so close, not engulfing close,  just very close.  Its all a reflection of whats going on in his personal life, he gets angry from not getting enough attention from his friends,not enough money, what ever! it builds up, he wraps it all up in nice little bomb package and tells himself its all because of me. Im  his out let for abuse.

                And Im angry right now because I cant blow it off!   Its like hes blaming me for his unhappiness. Well, Im glad hes unhappy, he deserves to be unhappy over what he just did to me. Hows that for being mature?     Its all ways so shocking the things he says,out of no where. First I go through my crying jags,then I get  angry.  Hes a sick little boy and Im the only one who knows it!  Emotionally, sadistically sick! He should be spaked! I know Im venting.    I want to end it now.  This is abuse and I want nothing to do with anymore.   

[123Phoebe]

Could somebody please help me out here and tell me that this is not a relationship, that this is not healthy.  

This is not a healthy relationship.

Have you gotten honest with yourself about what a healthy relationship would look and feel like to you? Healthy doesn't have to mean "perfect".  What are your needs?  What are you looking for?  What steps can you take to create a more meaningful relationship with yourself?

[goingtostopthis]

Could somebody please help me out here and tell me that this is not a relationship, that this is not healthy.  

This is not a healthy relationship.

Have you gotten honest with yourself about what a healthy relationship would look and feel like to you? Healthy doesn't have to mean "perfect".  What are your needs?  What are you looking for?  What steps can you take to create a more meaningful relationship with yourself?

None of these relationships are healthy. The problem with this right now is that I keep falling into these deep depressions. I wouldnt advise anyone to get involved with someone who has this illness.  I have to keep reminding myself to listen to my gut reaction about why he's doing this. I cant do any work on myself until i get through this horrible pain. I really think there needs to be more support for us nonBPD's.  More compassion and understanding as to how devestating these people can be. Its allways assumed that I some how was engulfing his space and I wasnt. or it was something  I did wrong. If this is true why is it that I can directly see the relationship between other things going wrong with his life during this time to the way he was treating me. All  in the same time frame. He needed to find a reason to his misery and I was easy prey. Hes going to find hes just as miserable now as he was before he hurt me, if not more so now.

                  I woke up this morning and I actually felt good and releaved to have him gone. It lasted about an hour.

[123Phoebe]

None of these relationships are healthy. The problem with this right now is that I keep falling into these deep depressions. I wouldnt advise anyone to get involved with someone who has this illness. 

A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it.  If we choose to stay in a relationship that we ourselves deem unhealthy, what does that say about us?  Anything?

[JohnLove]

                  I woke up this morning and I actually felt good and releaved to have him gone. It lasted about an hour.

I can really relate to this... .most often I don't even get an hour.

[goingtostopthis]

None of these relationships are healthy. The problem with this right now is that I keep falling into these deep depressions. I wouldnt advise anyone to get involved with someone who has this illness.  

A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it.  If we choose to stay in a relationship that we ourselves deem unhealthy, what does that say about us?  Anything?

      Well Betty, That may be true, but how is this helping me now?  Also a statement like that advocates low esteem upon the person who is struggling with something like this now!  and geee,  who are you to judge how healthy or u healthy this is relationship has really been?  So i guess im just supposed to punish myself now for being so stupid, like Im not being punish enough as it all ready is.  OK, so Im not healthy, is that what you want to hear?  So that means that everybody else here who are struggling with these types arent healthy either.

                      Its very difficult when 90 percent of the time every thing is going very well,  and then out of no where he splits.  This is only the second time this has happened in a year.  I dont know what your impying but Im very healthy person.  I am not co-dependent.   I didnt know anything about BPD until just 6 months ago.  I cant just snap my figures and erase him from my heart and my life.  Maybe later on,  but not right now when I am going through the healing process of being split on,poking at me about my mental health is not productive.It It just isnt nice. Its very tramatic and you sound like you could care less. Ya, im just going ot say it.    

[123Phoebe]

None of these relationships are healthy. The problem with this right now is that I keep falling into these deep depressions. I wouldnt advise anyone to get involved with someone who has this illness.  

A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it.  If we choose to stay in a relationship that we ourselves deem unhealthy, what does that say about us?  Anything?

      Well Betty, That may be true, but how is this helping me now?  Also a statement like that advocates low esteem upon the person who is struggling with something like this now!  and geee,  who are you to judge how healthy or u healthy this is relationship has really been?  So i guess im just supposed to punish myself now for being so stupid, like Im not being punish enough as it all ready is.  OK, so Im not healthy, is that what you want to hear?  So that means that everybody else here who are struggling with these types arent healthy either.

                      Its very difficult when 90 percent of the time every thing is going very well,  and then out of no where he splits.  This is only the second time this has happened in a year.  I dont know what your impying but Im very healthy person.  I am not co-dependent.   I didnt know anything about BPD until just 6 months ago.  I cant just snap my figures and erase him from my heart and my life.  Maybe later on,  but not right now when I am going through the healing process of being split on,poking at me about my mental health is not productive.It It just isnt nice. Its very tramatic and you sound like you could care less. Ya, im just going ot say it.    

goingtostopthis,

I wasn't implying anything.  I was pretty straight forward.  When we're choosing to stay in a relationship a certain responsibility rests upon us... .  Responsibility for our part of the relationship.

Have you read about JADE?

[goingtostopthis]

None of these relationships are healthy. The problem with this right now is that I keep falling into these deep depressions. I wouldnt advise anyone to get involved with someone who has this illness.  

A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it.  If we choose to stay in a relationship that we ourselves deem unhealthy, what does that say about us?  Anything?

      Well Betty, That may be true, but how is this helping me now?  Also a statement like that advocates low esteem upon the person who is struggling with something like this now!  and geee,  who are you to judge how healthy or u healthy this is relationship has really been?  So i guess im just supposed to punish myself now for being so stupid, like Im not being punish enough as it all ready is.  OK, so Im not healthy, is that what you want to hear?  So that means that everybody else here who are struggling with these types arent healthy either.

                      Its very difficult when 90 percent of the time every thing is going very well,  and then out of no where he splits.  This is only the second time this has happened in a year.  I dont know what your impying but Im very healthy person.  I am not co-dependent.   I didnt know anything about BPD until just 6 months ago.  I cant just snap my figures and erase him from my heart and my life.  Maybe later on,  but not right now when I am going through the healing process of being split on,poking at me about my mental health is not productive.It It just isnt nice. Its very tramatic and you sound like you could care less. Ya, im just going ot say it.    

goingtostopthis,

I wasn't implying anything.  I was pretty straight forward.  When we're choosing to stay in a relationship a certain responsibility rests upon us... .  Responsibility for our part of the relationship.

Have you read about JADE?

I havent done any thing wrong or to be responsible for this time. This illness is a horrible thing. They have no reasoning for anything they do,  and they dont care.  I feel like he just died. Its that bad.  I will probabaly never hear from him again because of his BPD.  They are delussioned people, it doesnt matter what you do or what rules you follow or how responsible you are being on your side of it.  I may as well be at his funeral right now and its really nice to know all of you who answer care or really get the intesity of pain these people throw off on you.   FOR NO REASON!   

[123Phoebe]

I may as well be at his funeral right now and its really nice to know all of you who answer care or really get the intesity of pain these people throw off on you.   FOR NO REASON!  

Oh, I get the intensity of pain that I feel.  I get it enough to know that it isn't healthy considering the circumstances and that what is happening right now won't last forever.

I'm really not trying to make light of what you're going through, goingtostopthis.  Can you believe that?  Believe it for just a second?  Then for another second, believe that your bf isn't intentionally setting out to hurt you?  Just for a second, stop.  Stop the thought process that makes its loop-de-loops, de-poopy-loopies around your mind.  And breathe... . :)eep breaths.

You're not at your bf's funeral.  Can you admit it's a little dramatic to feel that way?  Especially considering that some people really are?  And again, I don't mean that in a shameful way... .  Just being realistic.

Sounds like this has really thrown you for a loop, sorry to hear it. 

[goingtostopthis]

I may as well be at his funeral right now and its really nice to know all of you who answer care or really get the intesity of pain these people throw off on you.   FOR NO REASON!  

Oh, I get the intensity of pain that I feel.  I get it enough to know that it isn't healthy considering the circumstances and that what is happening right now won't last forever.

I'm really not trying to make light of what you're going through, goingtostopthis.  Can you believe that?  Believe it for just a second?  Then for another second, believe that your bf isn't intentionally setting out to hurt you?  Just for a second, stop.  Stop the thought process that makes its loop-de-loops, de-poopy-loopies around your mind.  And breathe... . :)eep breaths.

You're not at your bf's funeral.  Can you admit it's a little dramatic to feel that way?  Especially considering that some people really are?  And again, I don't mean that in a shameful way... .  Just being realistic.

Sounds like this has really thrown you for a loop, sorry to hear it. 

Dramatic?,  what he did was dramatic!, I am only responding.

I will NEVER see him again.  Im feeling pain over this as if he died. This is a quite normal way to feel over someone you love and is not being dramatic at all!   Let me repeat:  I will never see him again. He is from another country.   and by the way my ex husband died and I went to his funeral.  I will never see him again.I was upset, oh I guess I was being dramatic.  and youre not sorry to hear this.  You are so detached its not even funny.

    I appreciate you telling me to breath and telling me to stop my thoughts from looping around in my head. There could be some truth to him not intentionally wanting to hurt me. I dont think he could help himself.

[flowerpath]

Love can be very blind.  It is that 90% of the time that is good that makes you want to stay in the relationship.  It’s where you see all of the positive things about the person you love.  And it’s what can make you turn a blind eye to the red flags that are waving right in front of your face.

Loving someone is not stupid.  More than likely, you started loving the part of the person that is good before you ever saw the symptoms of BPD; however, when you do first start seeing those symptoms, your gut level feelings tell you, “This is not good for me.  There is something very wrong with this picture.”  And your gut level feelings are there for a very good reason.  They help you to look out for you. 

[goingtostopthis]

Thank You Flower Path,

       Im not sure some people here really realize how devistating it is for a nonBPD when one day everything is going just fine, and then out of no where he hates you and saying such abusive stuff one just cant register what is happening, even when its all over.  These are the hardest relationships to survive on an emotional level because  the splitting is so shocking and crushing.  It seems to me there should be a separate forum dedicated to helping people like me get over this. It seems this issue is brushed under the rug a lot while attention on the BPD is given presedence.   I have no one to talk to about what Im going through now. How ever I did find find a conselor on line and skyped him,  I was validated for feeling the way I do and I was not told I was being dramatic. You just cant get over this in a day!  I break out crying still,  doing the dishes,  walking out side,  I never know when Im going to get hit with the impact of this.

                I think its really over this time because I told him I thought he had BPD, sent him all this information. I tried to be as loving as I could about it. I feel bad but I am absolutely certain this time that Im right. The guy is all ways suffering. How he could read the information and not see himself in it,  I just dont know, because its so obvious. I dont see how he could miss this and honestly say this has nothing to do with himself. unless he has decided to be so far gone he just doesnt want to be in reality anymore. All the signs are there, in black and white.  But there's nothing I can do anymore. He wont talk to me. This is apart of his anger punishment act and now he's proabably really ANGRY!  and hates me more then anything and has made it a sure thing that he will never speak to me again. Hes written me off. Hes waiting for me too write him again and I wont. Because I believe he feeds off my suffering.   Its  the attention he wants.

I didnt have any choice this time but to tell  him. I still love him but if he isnt going to start becoming aware of himself and this problem, we cant even be friends. We cant be anything, the way he has been emotionally has been too destructive and I know I cant handle this kind of hurt from him again.