BPD or PTSD?

[Youcantfoolme]

Can they even be mistaken for one another? I was thinking back on a convoy brother and I had about his uBPD wife and I thought of somehing he said in regards to her. They had a huge fight and he confided in my mom that he thinks she's suffering from BPD. Him and I haven't spoken in months but he showed up to my house one day, during their fight. The next day I asked him if he thought she had some type of personality disorder and he told me yes. He thought she was BPD possibly. He told me he had done a LOT of reading up on it in the two weeks prior to their argument that day and he really suspected this was this was the case. I started to ask him some questions about her family. I first asked, why she doesn't speak to her sister. I've heard two different versions of this story. She, told my mom, that her sisters husband "tried to kill her" but told my brother, "he threatened to kill her.". Those are two very different things! Tried means he physically attacked her or nearly attacked her but he wasn't successful. "Threatened" means he could have verbally stated he was going to kill her or gestured he was going to. Either way, she never states why he would do such a thing. She won't talk to her sister because he sister is still with him.

After I asked that, I asked how her relationship with her father was. He said , "she was daddy's little princess." And her father died suddenly from a stroke, a few years ago, around the same time out father passed away. This is when he suggested she may not be suffering from a personality disorder at all but may be suffering from PTSD. Apparently from the fathers death. He said they "manifest in the same way.". Although they may have similar characteristics, there are other parts of her past that suggest BPD is the more likely the cause of her behavior. My brother is her third marriage. That in itself isn't necessarily a clue but her lack of responsibility in her other two failed marriages are. The first marriage supposedly ended because her husband allegedly tried to choke her and the second ended because her husband worked too much.

Another ex who lived with her for a few years, happens to live next door to a relative of ours. Our relative asked the ex about her and he said she was theost insecure girl he was ever met. That she was very controlling. She didn't want him to do anything without her. He wasn't allowed to see any of his friends and in fact that is what ended their relationship. They went to his parents house to visit for a holiday and he saw an old friend on the way. He told her he was just going to visit the friend really quick and she lost her mind and made a big scene in front of his family. At that point he'd had enough of her bossing him around and he ended the relationship. He also said, she pressured the relationship to move very quickly. He moved in after only a few months of knowing her (as did my brother) and she started talking about marriage and trying to pressure him into getting engaged after only a few months as well (again just like my brother).

It seems she has a pattern here. Between that ex and my brother there was yet another guy whom it seems she pressured to move in with her too. She had only broken up with him a month or so before meeting my brother. It worried me that after that many failed relationships, she still hasn't learned to take her time with men. I don't think PTSD would cause someone to move ultra fast into relationships like that. Especially because most of this occurred before her father passed. I don't know much about PTSD but I really don't think it would cause a lot of the behaviors she's exhibited.

Does anyone care to weigh in on this?

[HappyChappy]

I have PTSD and a BPD mom. The big differences to look for is Empathy. A cornerstone of BPD and nothing to do with PTSD. Also BPD is prone to attack and create stress,  PTSD prone to defend and avoid stress. They are very different, but you need to know someone well to diagnose either.

Bi-polar is often misdiagnosed in place of BPD, but never heard of PTSD being diagnosed in place of BPD. Mind you I'm a white Caucasian male and when I visited my Indian friend's neighbor, he thought I was his brother . So you can misdiagnose anything.

[P.F.Change]

Have you seen this?What is the relationship between BPD and PTSD?

What is your relationship currently like with your brother and his wife?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Youcantfoolme]

If empathy is the deciding factor here, then I would certainly diagnose her with BPD! She completely lacks empathy, as well as any moral compass. To be honest, there's no year in my mind as to what she has. I'm not saying she can't also have PTSD but I think mainly, BPD is her issue. I'm not downplaying how much a sudden death of a parent could effect ones psyche but within 2 years, I watched my father slowly die of cancer and suddenly lost a best friend who died while away on vacation and I don't think I do half the horrible stuff she does! I sympathize with the loss of her father but it's an isolated incident and I don't think it would cause years and years of emotional turmoil, failed relationships, insecurity issues (like you wouldn't believe), control issues, attention grabbing behavior, and grandiose thoughts about oneself!  She does cause lots of stress. She's overly sensitive and seems to find a way to find every single thing you say to her, offensive.

Thank you for your insight Happy!

To answer your question PF, my relationship with my brother is completely non existent right now. As is his relationship with most of our family. He doesn't communicate with our mother, even a tenth as much as he used to before he met his wife.

[P.F.Change]

Education is valuable, and it can help us make better sense of things. It's important to keep in mind that we can't diagnose anyone here. Only a professional can do that. What I would ask is, how would one diagnosis or another change what you're dealing with, Youcantfoolme?

How do you feel about being estranged from your brother?

[Youcantfoolme]

I understand no one here can technically  "diagnose" but I know the people who live with or grew up with A PwBPD would know their behaviors and that's what I'm trying to confirm here.

I'm very upset about the NC with my brother, also which is why I'm here! I don't know how to deal with this person. Me and my brother were super close before he met his uBPD wife. She will not allow him to speak with me although I know he wants to.

[HappyChappy]

I'm sorry you're missing your brother, it must be very hard for you. From what you've said, the behavior doesn't sound like PTSD, but could be BPD.  A BPD does like to cut their man off, isolate them. But so do some none BPD. There is a section in this formum that teaches techniques for dealing with BPD. You could try these, If she isn't BPD I don't think these techniques would do any harm. Techniques like SET. If she is BPD, then she's unlikely to change. You'll have to adapt, not her. Best of luck