everyone read this.

[hurting300]

I'm over her... .Three months ago I came home and found my soon to be wife of 18 months had moved out. She and I had a great night before, we had sex we talked it was the whole nine yards. Next day she text me all day then it suddenly stopped. I did not know about BPD. All I knew was i couldn't trust her, she lied too me about everything! She was cold most of the time and honestly I knew she didn't love me the way she claimed. She didn't rage at me but once or twice, but her mom kicked her out for threatening her. We have a baby together also. The last three months have been nothing but silence from her. So you know what? F*** her! Seriously? Lol why do I need too feel like s***? She's the unstable lazy excuse making lying nut job not me! I paid her way for 18months, I dealt with her crazy mother. I put up with her never being satisfied with anything ever! She has mental health problems, I do not know for a fact if it's BPD or something worse but screw her! Two men have raped her every guy was mean to me bull ___ isn't doing it anymore. She wants too be a little baby and run away from home like a COWARD she is. Then she can stay gone. I'm going out and finding a SANE woman to be with. I suggest all of you do the same. Listen closely, we deserve better. So kick your crazy ass partners to the curb.

[OutOfEgypt]

I did, my friend.  I did.  And I am glad that I did, even though it meant the death of my family (a family that was sick as hell, however, because it was always revolving around her).  Good for you. 

Even as I sit here alone tonight, knowing that my kids are having a good time with her and her family, I know it is worth it to be away from her.  And the following statements falls upon my mind as I feel the hurt amidst my contentment:

A life worth living is a life with suffering... .

[hurting300]

Don't be alone, I got hit on today at Macy's by someone who looks ten times better than my ex . We can actually laugh at our exes because we will be happy and in love again. And them, well they will be miserable. They always will be.

[AwakenedOne]

Do you know where she is now? Did she at least give you a reason or anything? Is your child ok and safe?

Your ex sounds a lot like my wife and her messed up evil mom.

[hurting300]

No, she didn't give me any reason. Just moved out and stopped talking. Silent Treatment Abuse since. But hey it's ok, because she has been driving by my house . She's turning into a stalker. And my baby is fine she dumped her at her grandmothers house. I hired an attorney. I'll mop the floor with her in court. No more Mr. Nice guy

[OutOfEgypt]

Be very careful.  If she is anything like my ex she will manipulate and lie desperately in order to make sure you do not have the upper hand in court.  Keep your distance.  Document everything.  Don't be alone with her.  Etc.

[Mutt]

No, she didn't give me any reason. Just moved out and stopped talking. Silent Treatment Abuse since. But hey it's ok, because she has been driving by my house . She's turning into a stalker. And my baby is fine she dumped her at her grandmothers house. I hired an attorney. I'll mop the floor with her in court. No more Mr. Nice guy

I was split black too hurting300 and it's truly a deep emotional pain when the light gets switched off and the person we knew is gone. Vanishes into thin air and we are no longer validated. Our exes disassociate and change history and it's as if anything you shared is gone. I'm sorry that this happened   I agree with you that you deserve better. Is your L familiar with BPD?

[enlighten me]

Hi Hurting

Congratulations on making such progress.

Having gone through this once before I know how far you've come. There is still a bit to go before hitting indifference but your over the biggest hurdle of wanting them back. Once you realise you don't want them ruining your life it feels like a weights been lifted. Yes theres still a lot of anger and other issues but its easier once you've let go of them.

As has been said be careful in court. My ex wife told me she had ME and Bi polar which I used in my case against her. Her medical records had nothing of the sort on them.

Only use facts that you can prove. Never rely on anything that she may have told you. Keep any communication with her to written format. Don't turn the court case into a form of revenge (the judge and your lawyer will see it if you do and it will go against you).

Your aim is what is best for the child so don't bring up how you were hurt by her as it will sound like a sob story. Yes explain how destructive her behaviour has been and how you worry about the effect her erratic moods will have on the child.

Finally get a good lawyer and good luck

[hurting300]

Thanks guys, I actually have custody of my first daughter so I know how hard it is. Thing is my ex left some things behind she shouldn't have. Like business cards with appointments on them at mental health centers, and diaries She has kept over the years. Their is some disturbing things written in them. She is a sick person. The sex is what hooked me. But you know I did love her, but once I've had enough it's game on. I look forward to her paying me child support. So she better get use to working. That will be something new for her, she always was late for jobs and didn't wanna go in. She will come back soon. Her stalking tells me that and when she does, she will get an ear full. And yes, I've recorded her actions on video for months now. Sometimes your gut tells you things. Guys stop hurting ok seriously. Go get someone better.

[hurting300]

And guys, tomorrow when you walk into a store put your shoulders back and smile and talk to everyone you see. Talk to every female you can, build your self esteem back up. Remember that funny witty guy that laughed her out of her pants? That was you. It's her loss, not yours. Oh it's so her loss.

[AwakenedOne]

And guys, tomorrow when you walk into a store put your shoulders back and smile and talk to everyone you see. Talk to every female you can, build your self esteem back up. Remember that funny witty guy that laughed her out of her pants? That was you. It's her loss, not yours. Oh it's so her loss.

Sounds good to me bro

[AimingforMastery]

Hi Hurting

Congratulations on making such progress.

Having gone through this once before I know how far you've come. There is still a bit to go before hitting indifference but your over the biggest hurdle of wanting them back. Once you realise you don't want them ruining your life it feels like a weights been lifted. Yes theres still a lot of anger and other issues but its easier once you've let go of them.

There is great wisdom in this... . - as you do realize how far you've come when you know "yes I love/d her but I DON'T want her back." Heck no. Not if that crazy stuff keeps happening.

And yes once you realize you don't want them "ruining your life" it does feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Last two mornings I've slept till 10.30am, first time I've slept past 5am in 4 months! And surprise, surprise, I finally went No Contact when I dumped her 2 nights ago. Weight lifted = now sleeping again... .

[Narellan]

Hurting300

I hear a lot of pain in your post. I'm not going to say " go out and fill that void" yes you can stand with your shoulders back but don't look for a revenge hook up. It will just bring you undone. This is a very painful experience you have been through and you have a right to be angry, but the pain behind it needs to be let put also. It's a really sad story that she left with your baby. If its BPD that's what they do... .Turn in the blink of an eye. You must be in pain to have your baby / family taken away so abruptly.

She is very sick and dysregulated. And yes will no doubt try to come back. Think long and hard about kicking her to the curb because you don't want things to get worse. Read through the resources here and learn some tools for communicating with her. You might be done with her, but you still need to communicate about your baby.

I would say to you, be the man you want to be. Treat her with dignity and respect as a mother and you can walk away from her with your head held high and your dignity intact. Don't play her petty games. If your main aim is to rid her from your life and still have access to your child you need to respond respectably to her. She doesn't deserve it, but you deserve peace.

Rise above the BS and show her what she left behind and will never get to play with again.

I wish you all the best 

[hurting300]

Now guys don't go out and just have sex with someone. That's not what I meant. Go out and mingle around and your confidence up. You have no idea have great I felt last night when this beautiful Hispanic girl told me I walked in the building like i owned it and it was sexy. As for communication with BPD's, just save it. We need to buy an island put them all on it. Yes I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. I loved her so much. But she was fake . She couldn't tell the truth, She belittled me. She was going to college when we first met and my god she would correct me on everything and all the while she was failing. Makes me sick. I don't have to wish bad things for her because her whole life is basically over. Every day she don't call you is intentional trust me. They are not scared or anything. They are just petty little kids that want attention . When she comes back she's had it. And I've read probably every story on these boards and they all end the same. They borderline come back home. Then left. Then come home. Then left again.

[Mutt]

Have confidence in ourselves that we do deserve to be treated better in a healthier relationship. It's not a race. There are important lessons post break up. A lot of this relates to our false sense of self. That armor that we wear and rescuing someone and we are sometimes disappointed when we overlook the dysfunctions and everything falls apart. For some members it's connected to their FOO and lifelong pain. We must embrace our pain. We can't be hard on ourselves but I think it's important to identify and work on ourselves. History repeats. If you move quickly you are coping through another person. It's not fair to you or that new person, it's a coping mechanism.

We need to buy an island put them all on it.

I don't believe in alienating someone hurting300. You saw your ex and you were triggered. It triggered feelings of anger and resentment and you posted. Identify your triggers and find a healthy way to center yourself. Work through healthy anger. Her vanishing act is painful stuff and it's not fair. I'm sorry that this happened. There's an old proverb when it comes to anger.

Holding unto anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

[hurting300]

Hey mutt, thanks for the insight. I actually didn't see my ex. Haven't for three months but it's coming. It always does.

[Mutt]

Hey mutt, thanks for the insight. I actually didn't see my ex. Haven't for three months but it's coming. It always does.

But hey it's ok, because she has been driving by my house

This doesn't trigger feelings?

[hurting300]

My neighbor and mother reported it to me. I haven't seen her myself. It's happening while I'm at work.