Anxious about tomorrow

[Depression = 72% of members]

Tomorrow I'm going to the hospital she's staying at. I need to deliver her phone, wallet, etc. Basically I want to make sure that she had money. Give the rest to her parents, let her sort it out with them. Basically, I want to give her little to no excuse for showing up at my place.

I'm nervous and I'm hoping that I can do this without actually seeing her.

I was patched through to her today on the phone, I informed her that I'm delivering some of her essentials tomorrow. Then she started to argue about her clothes and the rest of her things, and all that. Basically how she needed a whole bunch of things, and how it wasn't enough. I know that she's just looking for an excuse to come to my place. I don't want her to even put one foot through my door. I just said "This isn't a discussion. I'm telling you how it's gonna go." At which point, she just hung up the phone. Because like any manipulative person, she can't stand that she can't talk her way into this one. It brings me back to a topic we had about her learning to drive. Driving is a skill that takes time to reach proficiency. Time, practice, and work. A license is merely proof that you have actually learned something. She lacks the discipline to even attempt it, why? Because she can't stand anything that requires actual effort. I'm not the most industrious person myself, but I still work toward goals. It's a rigid and structured course where she can't simply talk and manipulate her way to "winning."

So telling her basically that what I'm delivering wasn't up for debate, she couldn't take it. Too bad. She learned *nothing* in her time spent with me. That's what angers me as well.

Tonight I'm alone though, and the apartment really does feel empty without her. I keep remembering the good things. The memories when she made my days bright. I'm filled with regret. Not with sending her away, but at the sense of loss.

4 years may not be as much as what folks on here spent with their PWBPD, but it feels like a long while. There were times she bailed me out of trouble, but come to think of it, I've done the same for her. After the stuff above about her driving, it makes her leaving easier to stomach.

It may not be the same again. You know? We seemed to get each other, and maybe it really was just mirroring... .still though.

I'd love to meet someone who's nice and has similar interests. But it all seems so far away, or just unattainable. I know that it's because I'm suffering right now, and that pain is all I can really see right now. We never can imagine how we'll be in the future.

Anyway, tomorrow is looking like a hard day. I can't afford weakness, I have to keep my resolve for what lies ahead. Wish me luck, guys.

[Vatz]

Tomorrow I'm going to the hospital she's staying at. I need to deliver her phone, wallet, etc. Basically I want to make sure that she had money. Give the rest to her parents, let her sort it out with them. Basically, I want to give her little to no excuse for showing up at my place.

I'm nervous and I'm hoping that I can do this without actually seeing her.

I was patched through to her today on the phone, I informed her that I'm delivering some of her essentials tomorrow. Then she started to argue about her clothes and the rest of her things, and all that. Basically how she needed a whole bunch of things, and how it wasn't enough. I know that she's just looking for an excuse to come to my place. I don't want her to even put one foot through my door. I just said "This isn't a discussion. I'm telling you how it's gonna go." At which point, she just hung up the phone. Because like any manipulative person, she can't stand that she can't talk her way into this one. It brings me back to a topic we had about her learning to drive. Driving is a skill that takes time to reach proficiency. Time, practice, and work. A license is merely proof that you have actually learned something. She lacks the discipline to even attempt it, why? Because she can't stand anything that requires actual effort. I'm not the most industrious person myself, but I still work toward goals. It's a rigid and structured course where she can't simply talk and manipulate her way to "winning."

So telling her basically that what I'm delivering wasn't up for debate, she couldn't take it. Too bad. She learned *nothing* in her time spent with me. That's what angers me as well.

Tonight I'm alone though, and the apartment really does feel empty without her. I keep remembering the good things. The memories when she made my days bright. I'm filled with regret. Not with sending her away, but at the sense of loss.

4 years may not be as much as what folks on here spent with their PWBPD, but it feels like a long while. There were times she bailed me out of trouble, but come to think of it, I've done the same for her. After the stuff above about her driving, it makes her leaving easier to stomach.

It may not be the same again. You know? We seemed to get each other, and maybe it really was just mirroring... .still though.

I'd love to meet someone who's nice and has similar interests. But it all seems so far away, or just unattainable. I know that it's because I'm suffering right now, and that pain is all I can really see right now. We never can imagine how we'll be in the future.

Anyway, tomorrow is looking like a hard day. I can't afford weakness, I have to keep my resolve for what lies ahead. Wish me luck, guys.

[bruised]

Good luck. Can you give her stuff to one of the nurses to deliver to her? Wrap it up so they don't know it contains valuables.