Cheating

[peiper]

Just figured out my wife cheated on me in March. H?ll we'd only been married three months.

[peiper]

This sucks  ! I was kinda hoping we could work it out and get her some counciling. Not now!

[Infared]

I don,t know any of your particulars, but if she is BPD, cut your losses and RUN LIKE HELL!

It gets worse.

[peiper]

For sure. I just didnt think she was like that.

[AwakenedOne]

Just figured out my wife cheated on me in March. H?ll we'd only been married three months.

I'm sorry you found out that she has cheated.

Infared is right though, things get worse. You might want to run like hell now as he suggested or at least jog or walk briskly.

[peiper]

Oh I am!  NC

[Infared]

Just figured out my wife cheated on me in March. H?ll we'd only been married three months.

I'm sorry you found out that she has cheated.

Infared is right though, things get worse. You might want to run like hell now as he suggested or at least jog or walk briskly.

Yes... .I over reacted a little because of what I went through... .Don't act like the BPD.  Conduct yourself like an adult.   I was able to do that at the end of my relationship, and through the heartbreak sometimes that was all I had to hold onto, the love and respect for myself and how I had handled what was dished upon me. You can get through this and just be grateful that you found this out relatively early.  I was very invested in my relationship and one day it all turned to vapor.  I feel for ya, peiper.  I understand.

[peiper]

Actually it was less then two months. Geez

[mywifecrazy]

Peiper,

Sorry to hear about you being cheated on. It sucks no matter how long or short your relationship was. She took a vow and broke it!

But like others have said. Forget her and be glad you found out early and didn't have kids with her. (?) they are chameleons, you were LUCKY to find out so soon. Some of us on here were married for YEARS and have kids. I will never get my uBPDxw completely out of my life because she is the mother to my kids 

Hang in there... .MWC

[OutOfEgypt]

Ugh.  Sorry, brother.  That's awful.  Yeah, mine waited a whopping year or so before cheating.  At least, that I know of... .who knows, really.

But it really *is* her, not you.  It still hurts, I know.  So, I'm sorry.

[Inside]

I’d say now’s your chance to move on with a clear conscience.  Watch the legal end of it though… you don’t want to get taken there, too.  I’d run any questions by the gang on our L3 Legal board.

This is what BP's they do … and will continue to do until they so physically break down that constant health problems become their only focus in life.  And, from all I’ve read - they are the last thing you want around your children…

I’m sorry, yet in a way, relieved that you may now escape.  We’re all likely scared - but we get to keep the knowledge we learned.  Make your break, heal, and feel some comfort in that you’re not likely to make that mistake again   

[sirius]

So sorry to hear your situation mate,

Mine was in a 13 years r/s and was on affairs for half the time, I only found out about the affairs and BPD after the break up.

I can feel your pain bro, it hurts terribly... .trust me it gets better in time... .slow but surely it gets better

[Trent]

For sure. I just didnt think she was like that.

None of us did with ours, either.  At least in the beginning.  Sorry man, it's not your fault, you can't beat the disorder.   

[refusetosuccumb]

I'm so sorry 

I'm one that only found out, 15yrs and 2 children later, that mine had at least one affair that I knew of.  I took him back (stupidly!) and he spent the last year that we were "reconciling" actively seeking out new women.  Why?  Because I didn't "love" him the way he needed to be loved (basically, wanting 24/7 attention).

Mine actually threw it in my face that since I took him back when he did it once, it couldn't have been "that bad" for me to have found out.  Colour me stunned!

Learn from our mistakes.  She will do it again and again and convince herself that she has reasons for doing it. 

I know you are in pain and for good reason.  Stay strong friend.

[OutOfEgypt]

Why?  Because I didn't "love" him the way he needed to be loved (basically, wanting 24/7 attention).

that sums it up for me, too.

[JohnLove]

Why?  Because I didn't "love" him the way he needed to be loved (basically, wanting 24/7 attention).

that sums it up for me, too.

+1 here to. Mine was sought out but actively engaged. I don't know if it ever was or became physical but if it didn't that was next. This despite us spending so much time together that I didn't even believe it was possible. I had to cross check facts and times and dig a little deeper before I realized it was really true.

Once confronted. My BPDgf claimed she never "saw" him that way. He was a step brother. That she didn't grow up with. That she had known. That she hardly knew. According to her. She felt "sorry" for him. He was a bit of a loner... .like me (herself) she said. What th'?. Despite him having 2 completely failed serious relationships and with children involved... .and he is only 25!. He was actively pursuing my BPDgf knowing that she was involved with someone.

She is 39.

I've realized this was never resolved (to my satisfaction) and I am allowing time but every time I think about it I feel I really need help with it. I can understand it from a BPD perspective but I just can't comprehend it in the context of our lives. This was in the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship. I found out in March. Maybe its still too soon?. I would never have done that to her!.

[peiper]

I found those pictures and it blew me away, two months. 11 of Januaty  we married and march 4 shes hanging at a drag strip with some guy never tells me. I ran a dragster for 5 years, she knows I love the track. But she says nothing about it. Theres something wrong there. And she takes pictures. Damg I wish I couls tell her to shove it  !

[christoff522]

For sure. I just didnt think she was like that.

Peiper I'm sorry you've had to find this all out brother. Don't do anything drastic, just take some time to deal with this mentally. Remember that she has a mental illness, and that she cannot help most of the stuff she does. Most of all do not let this turn to hate.

Everything will be alright man 

[OutOfEgypt]

It gets better.  It still bothers me sometimes to see the guy from her last affair driving around town (he moved here from another state to be with her), but I'm getting closer to not caring anymore -to being "over it."  He's just another dumb@#$ who got sucked in by her.  He wasn't the first, and he won't be the last.  I'm just happy that she isn't my problem anymore.  I would not be shocked if they recycled.  Last time he recycled with her, he wound up checking himself into a mental hospital.  That was when she told him to get lost (she was using him for sex, but thought it was "okay" since he said he was fine with it) so that she could recycle with me.  But he's still hooked.  Sad.  He thinks he'll finally win and be the last-man standing.  He hasn't come to the understanding that the whole point of their game is that you CAN'T win... .ever.  The game is rigged from the start.  I would not be shocked if he showed up at my doorstep one day wanting advice or validation for the insanity and pull-push behavior she has put him through.

Anyway, it gets better.  I'm sorry, man

[Mr Hollande]

Early on in our relationship she cheated on me at a party. It happened in front of everyone who was there which added to the humiliation. I was drunk and asleep but semi aware of what was going on. I saw the courting ritual and thought to myself "what the hell is she doing? Surely not?" but I also thought that if that's the case then it's not for me to tell her what to do. Surely people know that themselves and if you actually need to explain something so obvious then it's futile anyway. So I passed out only to be woken later by her uncontrollable sobbing which lasted all night. She was "soo sorry boohoo". In my weakness I let it slide. The first of many let offs.

A few years later and we were on one of numerous break ups and in that time I slept with someone. When later during a let's bare all and get back together session I told her about my little adventure and she totally freaked out. During the remainder of our relationship she never ceased an opportunity of letting me know how horrible I had been. Her hatred for the lady in question became totally irrational. You'd think the girl was 10 feet tall with super powers plus extras. That she'd done it to me first and so early on was explained away as not actually having been penetrative sex (a change from her earlier confessions) and that she had only done it because she'd thought I was sleeping around at the time anyway and blah blah blah and gobbledygook on top with sprinkles of galimatias all over.

Seems some people are more cheats than others.

[Mr Hollande]

In short, when she did it, it was my fault. When I did it, it was the worst thing in the world.

Funny that.